YES...a BIG part dies with them. I still dont have the "does it come back" part answered....
-Z-
Posts by zanex
-
-
-
-
-
-
zanex
AND ROTFLMAO at all the fill in the blanks that everyone put in!!
-Z-
-
-
-
zanex
ARG that was a mistake...grrrrrrrrr
Well my life has flipped a switch one MORE time and I never made it to NYC....I am in the magical land of enchantment...New Mexico...NO thats NEW mexico not mexico! I am staying around albuquerque area for now...my company had an office here for me to transfer to so it worked out in the job department...I have been seeing my mom almost everyday since i have been back...it has been um...whast the word...HARD....
I have been given a LOT of my fathers stuff....it sometimes makes me feel good...but then there are the times that it rips me up brutally...the local elders want to meet with me for some reason or other...i havent accepted or denied the offer either way as of this point...my mother makes it hard for me to say what I am really thinking...there are SO many memories of them (father, mother, sister) without me for the last 10 plus years...it is hard to know what to feel sometimes...
arg!! sorry bout the post accidentally...im still typing up more as I write this...so much has happened..again..sorry bout the duoh!
-Z-
-
-
-
-
9
Zanex Moving!!!
by zanex inwell folks...its been a good run in california and all but its time for me to depart...so in like 2 and a half weeks round the 25 th i will be packing my shite in the car and me and my buddy (who quit his job in nm, drove all the way out to cali to get me and is moving with me) adn we are drivin cross country from one coast (cali) to the other...(nyc) im still kind of in shock bout this whole thing but for some strange odd reason it feels right.... im gonna stop in nm briefly to see my traumatized mother, she is still reeling from my fathers untimely demise (course so am i), will be there a day or two before getting back in the car to nyc...my company has transferred me to the manhattan office to work so least i have a job.
will be staying with one of my buddys friends for a day or so...i have a thot that the company mite just put me up in a hotel for a while til i get settled...so its nyc for me!
i have a somewhat optimistic outlook stemming from the recent contact with my mother...almost weekly...granted the contact has been strained and it gets very emotional for both of us..her asking me questions that i dont want to answer adn the first time i do she sinks into depression...its been challenging...im still in and out of tears on somewhat of a regular basis...not takin any brain candy tho...now its just my name on this board...(as a reminder more than anything else i suppose) .
-
-
zanex
Yah...its definitely been a wild ride over the last week..so much has happened and just things just falling into place and just with little to no effort..it HAS to be the right thing...but can anyone really know what the right thing is? lol...anyhow..thanx for the advice and support and kudos...I will be checking in to this site during the move...not sure why but i think since i am going to NYC I am starting to feel the realities of how close i will be to the hq of erg the jdubs..sigh..no worries..I am in a weird place...not sure what lies ahead but for the first time since dad died I feel like I know what adventure is next for me...and it feels intense...but such a good electric feeling...and im not even gone yet! lol....im sure that when I am on my way out of cali with the rear view mirror displaying the cali life behind me it will be even more intense...I am glad that my buddy is gonna be with me...we have a long history before i came out to cali....but I feel good! I feel alive...
-Z-
-
9
Zanex Moving!!!
by zanex inwell folks...its been a good run in california and all but its time for me to depart...so in like 2 and a half weeks round the 25 th i will be packing my shite in the car and me and my buddy (who quit his job in nm, drove all the way out to cali to get me and is moving with me) adn we are drivin cross country from one coast (cali) to the other...(nyc) im still kind of in shock bout this whole thing but for some strange odd reason it feels right.... im gonna stop in nm briefly to see my traumatized mother, she is still reeling from my fathers untimely demise (course so am i), will be there a day or two before getting back in the car to nyc...my company has transferred me to the manhattan office to work so least i have a job.
will be staying with one of my buddys friends for a day or so...i have a thot that the company mite just put me up in a hotel for a while til i get settled...so its nyc for me!
i have a somewhat optimistic outlook stemming from the recent contact with my mother...almost weekly...granted the contact has been strained and it gets very emotional for both of us..her asking me questions that i dont want to answer adn the first time i do she sinks into depression...its been challenging...im still in and out of tears on somewhat of a regular basis...not takin any brain candy tho...now its just my name on this board...(as a reminder more than anything else i suppose) .
-
-
zanex
Well folks...its been a good run in California and all but its time for me to depart...so in like 2 and a half weeks round the 25 th i will be packing my shite in the car and me and my buddy (who quit his job in NM, drove all the way out to cali to get me and is moving WITH me) adn we are drivin cross country from one coast (cali) to the other...(NYC) im still kind of in shock bout this whole thing but for some strange odd reason it feels right...
im gonna stop in NM briefly to see my traumatized mother, she is still reeling from my fathers untimely demise (course so am I), will be there a day or two before getting back in the car to NYC...my company has transferred me to the manhattan office to work so least i have a job. Will be staying with one of my buddys friends for a day or so...i have a thot that the company mite just put me up in a hotel for a while til i get settled...so its NYC for me!
I have a somewhat optimistic outlook stemming from the recent contact with my mother...almost weekly...granted the contact has been strained and it gets VERY emotional for both of us..her asking me questions that I dont want to answer adn the first time i do she SINKS into depression...its been challenging...im still in and out of tears on somewhat of a regular basis...not takin any brain candy tho...now its JUST my name on this board...(as a reminder more than anything else i suppose)
But im LEAVING....gettin the HECK outta california..its time for a BIG change in life...adn this is it..so Goodbye California....and start spreadin the news...im leavin soon..I wanna BE a part of it...NEW YORK...NEW YORK....sigh...
(WTBTS...im COMING for you chuckle....)
-Z-
-
-
-
zanex
...................................
(z of the no answers to any of my questions class)
-
11
insanity...good grief!!!
by zanex inok...so i got an email from my mother...one of several i have received from her since my fathers untimely demise, and she seems to be trying to talk to me in a "mother" way....anyhow...so i missed the memorial of his death that was surrounded by over 300 people at just the first of two memorials.
good grief!
anyhow...this email she sent me is of the program that was used that day...page one and two were just jw infested scrips and some blips that actualy half sounded like my father could have said them.... anyhow..the whole freakin reason for this is that i have spent a long many years writing poetry and a bunch of shtuff in general and for years i never knew where i had gotten my love of the pen from and page 3 of the memorial program explained it in the flash of an instant...unfortunately it filled me with a lot of pain as well...that man could write...this is an original work written by my dad....damn him for keeping this from me.... a moment of reflection is like a blossom in the twilight of spring, or like 'an early leaf's flower but only so an hour.
-
-
zanex
The depresion....sigh....I have tapered off of my meds....I am TIRED of masking my emotions...I have been just struggling through them lately...seems I cry a bit more controlled these days too...I just got off the phone with my mother....as she is deaf it is more of a "video phone call" she looked MUCH better than she had while in the hospital right after the accident...she....umm I can see all of the emotion that i have longed for al over her face...and her hands tell me things i have wanted to see for so long....I kept it short only 30 minutes but WHAT a rush....there are so many things she didnt know about information about me that was being held from her.....lies from other JW's that had kept us apart...I tried not to say too much bcuz she needs her faith....(wrong tho the faith be) she needs it....
There were so many lies from elders who said they were "just doing what they thought best" whatever the heck that means....she just kept sayin that she loved me and has ALWAYS loved me....regardless of the "DF" thing...she says that is between me and "jehovah"....she doesnt realize when she says that it cuts...i know she means well but...the pain is unmistakeable....yah....
For everyone keeping me from dissapearing altogether I appreciate you all a TON..my gawrsh.....I know i have been a pain in the arse with my ups and ferakin downs...they seem to come and go without much warning...and if ur readin this, tassie girl you better feel hella important! Sorry..had a quick little "thanks" PEC, exnj, Ak and sheesh anyone else that has had the misfortune of talking to me while i have been up and down on this coaster from hell....
-
11
insanity...good grief!!!
by zanex inok...so i got an email from my mother...one of several i have received from her since my fathers untimely demise, and she seems to be trying to talk to me in a "mother" way....anyhow...so i missed the memorial of his death that was surrounded by over 300 people at just the first of two memorials.
good grief!
anyhow...this email she sent me is of the program that was used that day...page one and two were just jw infested scrips and some blips that actualy half sounded like my father could have said them.... anyhow..the whole freakin reason for this is that i have spent a long many years writing poetry and a bunch of shtuff in general and for years i never knew where i had gotten my love of the pen from and page 3 of the memorial program explained it in the flash of an instant...unfortunately it filled me with a lot of pain as well...that man could write...this is an original work written by my dad....damn him for keeping this from me.... a moment of reflection is like a blossom in the twilight of spring, or like 'an early leaf's flower but only so an hour.
-
-
zanex
that is the sad part that just makes me mad...it is the ONLY one i have ever seen and the only one i was ever given...and it wasnt even really TO me...i just got it off of the program of his death...ridiculous...funny though...it just makes me go back into my own poetry that i have posted here on JWD....it just seems so odd....it almost could have been ME writing it...sigh..anyhow...
Wish i wud have known BEFORE he died....or maybe i dont...it would have been just one more thing for them to hold over me as a reason for me to come back...something in common with my father....anyways...
-Z-
-
11
insanity...good grief!!!
by zanex inok...so i got an email from my mother...one of several i have received from her since my fathers untimely demise, and she seems to be trying to talk to me in a "mother" way....anyhow...so i missed the memorial of his death that was surrounded by over 300 people at just the first of two memorials.
good grief!
anyhow...this email she sent me is of the program that was used that day...page one and two were just jw infested scrips and some blips that actualy half sounded like my father could have said them.... anyhow..the whole freakin reason for this is that i have spent a long many years writing poetry and a bunch of shtuff in general and for years i never knew where i had gotten my love of the pen from and page 3 of the memorial program explained it in the flash of an instant...unfortunately it filled me with a lot of pain as well...that man could write...this is an original work written by my dad....damn him for keeping this from me.... a moment of reflection is like a blossom in the twilight of spring, or like 'an early leaf's flower but only so an hour.
-
-
zanex
Ok...so I got an email from my mother...one of several I have received from her since my fathers untimely demise, and she seems to be trying to talk to me in a "mother" way....anyhow...so i missed the memorial of his death that was surrounded by over 300 people at just the FIRST of two memorials. Good Grief! Anyhow...this email she sent me is of the program that was used that day...page one and two were just jw infested scrips and some blips that actualy half sounded like my father could have said them...
ANYHOW..the whole freakin reason for this is that I have spent a long many years writing poetry and a bunch of shtuff in general and for years I never knew where i had gotten my love of the pen from and page 3 of the memorial program explained it in the flash of an instant...unfortunately it filled me with a lot of pain as well...that man could WRITE...this is an original work written by my dad....damn him for keeping this from me...
A moment of reflection is like a blossom in the twilight of spring, or like 'an early leaf's flower but only so an hour.' How often in a vanishing day do we pause and reflect events up to a point? Even ask of ourselves how often we stop to smell the flowers? They vibrantly come out fleetingly in late spring. How often to behold the horizon of our snowy peaks? Each and every mount is dressed snowy white all winter but once or twice. How often do we look to rummage around a mental photo album of mother and daughter locked jointly in loving embrace? Though happy moment snapshots are scarce, They're always nearby to stare and reflect precious moments frozen in time. How often do we ogle our sweetheart's bright blue eyes before sunglasses block off their blue sunrays on a sunless day? Rare are the times that we listen with reflection to hear, to see, listen to allow the light of others to dawn. A moment of reflection is like a blossom in the twilight of spring, or like 'an early leaf's flower but only so an hour.' If reflection for a moment is a vanishing appeal today, tomorrow it will be encased in a tiny glass sphere christened, "Extinction is forever." written by zanex's dad.... -Z-