cappytan: My mom, on the other hand, plays the victim any time we give her any push back.
Let her "play the victim" ... all by herself.
Little children don't throw temper tantrums without an audience. They may sulk in their rooms by themselves, but unless they get what they want they usually come out and decide to join the human race and behave.
Unless your mother has real, serious emotional issues, (which she very well may) she will eventually get the message and change her behavior.
You can't control other people, nor should you try.