I would like to thank everyone for their coments and kindness. I guess none of what I'm really saying makes as much sense as it does when you know the whole story. I don't know what i want yet. I guess for me it's a sad place to be because i feel like im just waisting my time when i could really be doing something valuable but how do i know what im doing today will be valuable tomorrow. It's just another one of those annoying questions about life you wont ever figure out until it's to late. Anyway sorry if i've should so much stupidity, yesterday was not a very good day for me and im sure we all have our bad days.
I'd like to forget everything i've learned in the "truth" . Just push it to the back of my head and light up the christmas tree but for some reason it just seems like the easy way out of a tough desicion for me right now. But i'd be glad to hear any advice from anyone especially those who have been in my situation
And to Avishai's comment, your right sex does get better. 
And i feel like your right about the whole "attitude" thing. My sister slept with someone and she went to confess, well she is a really emotional person and she balled her eyes out, shed a thousand tears, and she didnt get df'd only her privliges were taken away and it wasn't even anounced. But when i went, my parents had to be there cuz i was underage and i had to tell them everything and i never shed a single tear not even when they came back and told me I was df'd. (I also think this was because i told them i had done it more than once.) But i've always believed that if i had the balls to do what i did then i should have the balls to deal with any of the consequences. Sometimes i think back to that day when I walked in knowing in my heart that i would be df'd and i think what i should have told them was to skip all the bull shit, if they didn't know what goes on when u have sex, well i wasn't gonna be the one to tell them