I will chime in on this one, as I have a recent first-hand experience with this very thing.
A young couple I know wanted to get married. They asked an elder in their congregation to perform their ceremony at the KH, he agreed, and all was well. Shortly thereafter, other elders got their knickers in a wad, and didnt feel it "appropriate" that the kids get married in the KH, as they were too young (he was 19, she was 18). Quite the arguments went round and round, until such a ruckus was stirred up that the original elder pulled out, and the body decided that it would not be "appropriate" to have the wedding at the KH, and no elders or servants would be available to give the talk...... because such a commotion had been stirred up. NOT because the kids had done a single thing wrong, or been "unclean" in any way..... just because too many busy bodies got in a fight about the whole thing.
Needless to say, now this poor couple was upset, confused, and completely lost. My wife and I agreed to help them.
Here's what went down: They kept their original wedding date. We had them meet with a Justice of the Peace in a small, informal setting, just to perform the real legal ceremony and sign the paperwork. Then, the next day, we had the "ceremony", where everyone was invited, at an alternate location that we had helped them rent at the last minute....and I gave the wedding talk. I used the WT outline, very loosely at that! Everyone in attendance said it was the best talk they had heard in a long time! Now, mind you, I am no longer serving as an elder. And we had some in the wedding party that were NOT JW's. We had decorations, played music...It was a great day, the kids got married, pictures were taken, there may or may not have been some good whiskey passed around....a good party was had by all! Good clean fun, no one got out of control, it was a very decent and dignified event. Only 2 other elders in attendance, from another hall. None of the local elders were there. So sad.... but whatever, didnt want to spoil the day for the new young couple.
Fast forward about 2 weeks. I get pulled into the "back room", because of the huge "concern" for what went on. I was not "qualified" to give the talk, they said. That devil ALCOHOL was present! WORLDY people were in the wedding party!! OMG!!! People (who had not even bothered to attend) were so stumbled! How dare I circumvent the "brothers". I WENT OFF! I used some choice language, and basically told them to mind their own business! They couldn't be bothered to support the couple previously, and so it was none of their business who was or was not at the ceremony, or who did or did not perform the ceremony! And I certainly did not need anyone's permission to speak at the ceremony, and perform a "mock" ceremony. I did not tell them that we had done the legal stuff the day before, it was again..none of their business.
So ya, we got a ton of crap for that one, but in the end it was worth it! It was a bright shiny day for the young newlyweds, without an "elders" thumb micro managing the whole event!
Bottom line... anyone can PERFORM a ceremony. You may have to have the actual legal stuff done at the courthouse. And dont let anyone dictate to you otherwise.
Jack Harper, Tech49