SophieG and Pete Zahut-- I love what the both of you wrote. Discernment is not the same as being judgmental.
losingit
JoinedPosts by losingit
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what to do when you have a crazy friend?
by losingit init's hard for me to start this topic bc i feel like i'm being judgmental, a quality i don't like in others and one i try to stay away from as much as possible.
i really do try to be an understanding, caring person.
i essentially believe that all people are good and i am shocked to my core when i am betrayed.
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what to do when you have a crazy friend?
by losingit init's hard for me to start this topic bc i feel like i'm being judgmental, a quality i don't like in others and one i try to stay away from as much as possible.
i really do try to be an understanding, caring person.
i essentially believe that all people are good and i am shocked to my core when i am betrayed.
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losingit
LoisLane-- she can't be playing me bc then she'd be getting something over or from me, which she's not. I do think she does like the drama, lives off the highs and the lows that it provides. It seems to function almost like an intoxicating drug for her.
LisaRose-- yes, I really just want tohave people in my life that are good. You know, friends that don't steal, do drugs, lie like crazy, or visit their lover's wife n baby. People that like to have good times in safe, fun, healthy ways-- ways that don't screw with another's life. All of that requires being judgmental, in a good way, I guess, bc I'm being picky about who I'd like to be associated with.
There's a saying in Spanish-- tell me who you walk with, amd I'll tell you who you are. I really believe that saying is true...
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Frozen and Sparlock the warrior wizard
by NewYork44M ingiven that magic is from satan, this is what we learned from the horrible story about the little boy and sparlock the warrior wizard.
i am curious to know if witness kids are allowed to see the movie frozen.
i am not a big disney fan, but this movie was wonderful.
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losingit
My girls' father wouldn't let them watch Frozen or take them to see the movie bc it had magic. Meanwhile he's out going to stripclubs. Hypocrite! I didn't even know about the movie until very recently. When my oldest told me she wanted to see it and the reasons why she couldn't I told her that I'd get it for her on dvd once I had some extra cash. It's a super cute movie with great lyrics. Iespeciallyliked the "Fixer Upper" song with the rock trolls. And Olaf's ode to summer LOL!!
Anyways, it's not magic- - she was BORN with those powers! She's a mutant :-P :-P :-D :-D :-D
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what to do when you have a crazy friend?
by losingit init's hard for me to start this topic bc i feel like i'm being judgmental, a quality i don't like in others and one i try to stay away from as much as possible.
i really do try to be an understanding, caring person.
i essentially believe that all people are good and i am shocked to my core when i am betrayed.
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losingit
Kate-- Yes, she needs help, I've told her she desperately needs to get herself to a therapist, but she's broke and has no health insurance. She quaifies for free health care thru the state but she won't take the time to.apply. There are shelters for women who have suffered from DV but she won't go to find out about their free services either. I'll remind her one more time, but I'm at the end of my rope.
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30
what to do when you have a crazy friend?
by losingit init's hard for me to start this topic bc i feel like i'm being judgmental, a quality i don't like in others and one i try to stay away from as much as possible.
i really do try to be an understanding, caring person.
i essentially believe that all people are good and i am shocked to my core when i am betrayed.
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losingit
Quelly-- I won't tell the wife. I do feel so bad for her, though. No woman deserves to be treated like that, especially one with a newborn at home.
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what to do when you have a crazy friend?
by losingit init's hard for me to start this topic bc i feel like i'm being judgmental, a quality i don't like in others and one i try to stay away from as much as possible.
i really do try to be an understanding, caring person.
i essentially believe that all people are good and i am shocked to my core when i am betrayed.
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losingit
Yikes NAVYTOWN! I'm not in this friendship bc I crave the drama, not even vicariously. When we first started getting to know each other, we related on many levels bc we both experienced domestic violence in our lives. I remembered how noone was there for me so I made a point of being there for her. After some time passed, however, it became clearer to me that we are very different. While I'm taking steps to.improve my life, she keeps on digging an even deeper ditch. Her actions the other day really scared me, as have some others in the past, but this one took the cake. My plan is to back away from her slowly, as some here have suggested.
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30
what to do when you have a crazy friend?
by losingit init's hard for me to start this topic bc i feel like i'm being judgmental, a quality i don't like in others and one i try to stay away from as much as possible.
i really do try to be an understanding, caring person.
i essentially believe that all people are good and i am shocked to my core when i am betrayed.
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losingit
Well, she has proven herself to be a liar time and time again. I asked her earlier today what Ted thought of her visit and she said she didn't care about what he thought so she didn't ask. She also said she didn't care what his wife thought of her either. She said, "I don't give a damn what anyone thinks about me." Frustrating.
Everyone here is right on the money. I just wanted to hear someone say the obvious. I have to cut her off.
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30
what to do when you have a crazy friend?
by losingit init's hard for me to start this topic bc i feel like i'm being judgmental, a quality i don't like in others and one i try to stay away from as much as possible.
i really do try to be an understanding, caring person.
i essentially believe that all people are good and i am shocked to my core when i am betrayed.
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losingit
LOL Talesin--I'd like some peace in my life, not drama! A nice calm.friend that I can have tea with,someone i can learn from, would be nice.
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30
what to do when you have a crazy friend?
by losingit init's hard for me to start this topic bc i feel like i'm being judgmental, a quality i don't like in others and one i try to stay away from as much as possible.
i really do try to be an understanding, caring person.
i essentially believe that all people are good and i am shocked to my core when i am betrayed.
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losingit
Her mother, according to Hannah, is an abusive alcoholic drug addict. She gets berated a lot by her dad. Her aunt lives in California. Although she is staying at her parents' house, they make it very clear that they want her out ASAP. She really doesn't have many healthy relationships in her life.
Talking to her does no good-- she simply does not reason. And, according to her, Ted told her it was ok to go to his house bc he wanted her to visit the baby. Crazy!!!
Shesays she's on anti-depressants, but who knows. I'm tempted to contact the wife to end the craziness but who am i to get involved ? It feels so volatile. Idk what the right thing to do is.
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30
what to do when you have a crazy friend?
by losingit init's hard for me to start this topic bc i feel like i'm being judgmental, a quality i don't like in others and one i try to stay away from as much as possible.
i really do try to be an understanding, caring person.
i essentially believe that all people are good and i am shocked to my core when i am betrayed.
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losingit
It's hard for me to start this topic bc I feel like I'm being judgmental, a quality I don't like in others and one I try to stay away from as much as possible. I really do try to be an understanding, caring person. I essentially believe that all people are good and I am shocked to my core when I am betrayed. It is always unexpected even when I have a clue as to what's going on.
Having said that.... the path out of jw-dom, in terms of making friends outside of Kingdomville, has been alright. I've honestly been too busy with my girls, with establishing my career and my life, to really worry about making friends. Even though that's the case, I've managed to make 2-- a really lovely Japanese lady and another woman that is a mom from my daughters' former preschool. My concerns are about the second friend...
Hannah is just too much. (I've been friends with her for about 5 months now). She was in an abusive relationship for a very long time up until very recently, from which she had 2 sons (one is in preschool, the other in early elementary.) This man (let's call him "Matt) one day pulled a gun out on her, and she immediately sought shelter with friends in the area, staying an entire summer separated from him. She eventually moved back with Matt to a city far-removed from her supportive friends. He sold her car and continued his abusive, alchoholic ways in private and in front of their children. Matt eventually kicked out her out (which I considered to be a blessing, honestly) and she moved to her parents' house. Despite his abusive nature, Matt allows Hannah to visit the children and spend the weekends at their old home to be with the kids. He's bought her clothes for job interviews, and takes them all out to eat as a family when she's there with them. He's bad, yes, but he's trying to be good. That's how I see it.
I wish that was the end of the story, bc then I could be fully supportive of her without my concience tugging at me.
Hannah also got involved a year ago with a married man (Ted)-- someone she's known since she was 15. Normally, I don't judge that. Affairs happen for all sorts of reasons, and I understand that. Hannah and Ted meet up at restaurants, spend the night together at nearby hotels. Fine. Whatever. But usually he stands her up often, or makes her wait 2-3 hours at a restaurant until he shows up. He's told her since day one that he was leaving his wife, but instead in that year that they have been seeing each other Ted got his wife pregnant with their first-born daughter, renovated the bathroom with his wife, and goes to events with her. Clearly, he's with his wife and has no plans on leaving her. Of course, my friend Hannah is just so worked up over what's happening-- crying, saying she can't handle being in second place, one night she even said that she wanted to kill herself! I've given her tons of advice, even scolded her and got mad at her, but it makes no difference. Hannah continues to see Ted and believes that she is the love of his life.
I get tired of the drama, but I can handle it because I see that she is troubled, needs help getting on POSITIVE footing, and so I think maybe I can provide the type of insight and encouragement she needs to move forward from both her abusive relationship with the father of her children and from her relationship with Ted. Only thing is, I feel like Hannah really pushed it yesterday....
She visited Ted's wife and baby at Ted's home. I told her it was CRAZY!!!! She did it anyway. Hannah spent 3 hours with this woman that suspects absolutely NOTHING. Ted's wife was thrilled to meet her. Hannah played with the baby, and Ted's wife put a video of Hannah with the baby on her instagram page. Ted's wife gave her a tour of the house, chatted up a storm, and was "NICE... Like VERY VERY VERY NICE." (capitalization is Hannah's own).
I've got to be honest here-- back in my jw days, I would've backed out from a friendship with Hannah because she has such a difficult time creating positive movement in her life. She has interviews, and cancels them. The exit door is right in front of her, but she refuses to walk through it. It's frustrating to be friends with someone that creates their own stagnation.
But visiting Ted's wife, it's just too much for me!!! I feel that continuing to be her friend is condoning her behavior. Back in my jw days, this would not be a debate-- this woman would be out of my life!! I understand now that life is more complex than that black-and-white thinking. I spend so much time thinking about Hannah and her situation, trying to provide positive support... After finding out last night that she in fact did visit Ted's wife, I really just want to cut her off. Be done. The drama is too much. She took it too far.
I don't know. I hate being judgmental. But this move, for which she said she feels no moral sense of wrongdoing and gave her an adrenaline rush, is just too much. I feel conflicted. I want to be her friend. But I don't want to be friends with someone that goes that far.
Thoughts?