Posts by losingit

47

Delete Personal Messages

by Maranatha in

i've never been on a website that doesn't allow you to delete your own personal messages.

why can we not do that on this site?

what are your motives in keeping our personal messages?

losingit

Btw -- i also want to know how to delete pms. Gonna check to see if it can be done.

47

Delete Personal Messages

by Maranatha in

i've never been on a website that doesn't allow you to delete your own personal messages.

why can we not do that on this site?

what are your motives in keeping our personal messages?

The atheist -believer debates can be exhausting and sometimes troubling to read. I try to avoid them. I did a lot of research on this site about jw doctrines and history using the search button above before i started posting regularly. I devoured jwfacts and went straight to the personal experiences on this site. Even tho I was a jw, I feel like Im a bit different from your typical member on this site-- i was a convert, no family followed me into the cult, my ex is df'd also, his family lives in another coubtry, so i have no regular contact with witnesses unless i seek them out (which i haven't. ) in addition, although i was baptized ,i believed only to some degree. Lots of the doctrine was/ is stupid /nonsensical so in many ways i was happy to go back to being me after leaving last july. idk your personal situation. But this site is very useful if you need support with moving on with your life after the jws.

35

I love my life, I don't want to die

by losingit in

hello everyone..... i've been thinking a lot lately, when i have a chance to be alone my mind immediately comes to the topic at hand-- i don't want to die.

what would happen to my precious little girls?

but i'm so scared that it's going to happen.

losingit

I do worry about providing for my girls and their future, and not just financially. My dad was a major hard core alcoholic when I was a little girl. I didn't talk to him til Iwas in college. I still remember the first time he said I love you to me. It was my sophomore year in college. He was incredibly abusive to my mom. While things are significantly better in our family bc he's stopped drinking, the scars are still there. I didn't want my girls to sufferthru a childhood without their father present. Now he's gone. I am mourning for their loss. I am internalizing that pain. I want him to.come back to our girls. He won't.He chooses instead to blame everything that's happened on me. His hands are clean.

35

I love my life, I don't want to die

by losingit in

hello everyone..... i've been thinking a lot lately, when i have a chance to be alone my mind immediately comes to the topic at hand-- i don't want to die.

what would happen to my precious little girls?

but i'm so scared that it's going to happen.

losingit

Hybridous-- I wish my ex husband would see fatherhood as you do. I don't understand what happened to him. When he was a jw and we were still married, he was such an excellent father , hands on, present, caring, lovng, funny. A really great father. Heknows how to do my girls ' curly hair! My girls miss him so much. I miss him too, as their father .

But since the dissolution of the marriage, he has disappeared financially, emotionally, spiritually. The change incharacter is shocking. My oldest cant even accept what's happening withoit crying. My youngest feels the trauma deep inside her. It is disorienting. Idk how to describe how much his abandonment hurts us all. We are destitute without him. There is no peace.

35

I love my life, I don't want to die

by losingit in

hello everyone..... i've been thinking a lot lately, when i have a chance to be alone my mind immediately comes to the topic at hand-- i don't want to die.

what would happen to my precious little girls?

but i'm so scared that it's going to happen.

losingit

I hear you about not having another kid-- tubal ligation all tge way. I had a choice with this child, to keep it or not. I am 36 going on 37. I had a miscarriage about 4 years ago when I was still with my husband. It was devastating bc that baby was planned and loved so much even before it was conceived. I had a choic, and I wanted a third child for quite some time. The baby came in a mnth when I was extremely careful with contraception on the VERY FEW occasions I was intimate with my bf. How could I deny this child life?

Yes, I think Im suffering from anxiety. When I was a jw I definitely did not suffer from worrying about death, maybe some depression that I couldn't quite explain the reason. Now I know it was cognitive dissonance. I'm seeing a therapist now but Im too embarrassed and ashamed to open up about such atopic. I started to, but ccouldn't continue. The embarrassment shuts me up.

35

I love my life, I don't want to die

by losingit in

hello everyone..... i've been thinking a lot lately, when i have a chance to be alone my mind immediately comes to the topic at hand-- i don't want to die.

what would happen to my precious little girls?

but i'm so scared that it's going to happen.

losingit

ohhhhh yadda yadda 2....................... all i want is security and stability. my family is begging me to move back home, but i refuse. i am a stubborn woman. i want to do this on my own. i'm giving myself one more year to make it, baby in tow. i am going into my retirement money that i have saved up to make it through this period. i've tried to keep it aside, but i have to pull it out. i am on my own.

End of Mysteries-- i can't believe this is it, but i am afraid that it is. i love my girls and my parents and my dogs, and even my boyfriend! i love my ex-husband, too, very much, and it hurts me very badly that he is out running around with a bunch of skanks instead of LOVING his girls and LIVING for them. i feel like i've been gutted by his abandonment of the girls.

35

I love my life, I don't want to die

by losingit in

hello everyone..... i've been thinking a lot lately, when i have a chance to be alone my mind immediately comes to the topic at hand-- i don't want to die.

what would happen to my precious little girls?

but i'm so scared that it's going to happen.

losingit

i just don't want to let go. i don't want to say goodbye to my loves, to my parents, to my girls. if i had friends, i'd say i don't want to let go of my friends.

isn't this world so majestic? aren't the diversity of life forms stunning? i feel an intense deep connection to it all. but at the same time, i lose my sense of wonder with all of the heartaches and struggles i am going through right now to establish myself.

i felt this baby kick at 4 months, 4 months! i am so aware of this life inside me.

i think about my family's history, where they came from and why I am here. i feel like i've let my lineage down. i want to do better. i am trying my best to move my family forward, to provide by my girls. i love them! their hugs never meant more to me than now, since the separation. i look at them and think-- my God, there goes my blood, there goes my life, there goes my love, there goes my strength, there goes my courage, there goes my life!

35

I love my life, I don't want to die

by losingit in

hello everyone..... i've been thinking a lot lately, when i have a chance to be alone my mind immediately comes to the topic at hand-- i don't want to die.

what would happen to my precious little girls?

but i'm so scared that it's going to happen.

losingit

haha! pregnancy-- i'm hormonal, definitely. sentimental, for sure. but i don't really think that's the issue. i am talking about a feeling deep down in the heart, Band on the Run.

btw-- i always know when it's you writing, i don't even need to see your thingamahjig or your name. your style is very distinct.

35

I love my life, I don't want to die

by losingit in

hello everyone..... i've been thinking a lot lately, when i have a chance to be alone my mind immediately comes to the topic at hand-- i don't want to die.

what would happen to my precious little girls?

but i'm so scared that it's going to happen.

losingit

hello everyone....

i've been thinking a lot lately, when i have a chance to be alone my mind immediately comes to the topic at hand-- I don't want to die.

I am so scared that I could die at any moment, and then-- what would happen to my girls? what would happen to my precious little girls?

When I drive now, I am so careful. I am afraid I will crash and die. I don't want to let go of my life at all. I am not ready for it at all.

I am 5 months pregnant. I find out if the baby is a boy or a girl on Tuesday at 1:30pm. I should be happy. Instead, I am terrified of going to have my C-section and dying on the table, that something could go wrong. I am scared.

My ex, he doesn't know I am pregnant. (it's not his baby, i haven't seen him in more than 6 months) that's not really the issue-- he's been so irresponsible and reckless lately, partying up a storm day- in and day-out. he has nothing to do with the girls hardly, and not by my doing. he doesn't visit, rarely calls. doesn't pay child support. the girls have been abandoned by their father. so if i die, what happens to my girls? i am so scared.

i want to live for my girls. i want to give them the best possible life. i want to live! i don't want to die. but i'm so scared that it's going to happen. i am all alone.

i miss praying to God. i miss saying 'thank you' for this food today. thank you for the sun, it is so beautiful and bright. thank you for the plants and the animals that are so beautiful. i used to say in my prayers-- Jehovah, you are such a funny God, you have a great sense of humor-- look at all the funny looking animals you created! we get to enjoy them and laugh at them and take care of them, how beautiful is this privilege. but i don't pray anymore. i can't even start. i just reminisce about God, and how much I miss him.

when i'm all alone in my apartment, i sob, i wail because i love life and i am so scared of losing it.

38

Are You A Patriotic Person Since Leaving The Witnesses?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i'm into politics but i still don't consider myself patriotic..

losingit

I am patriotic for my parents'home country. I love this little island with all of my heart and I try to go back as often as possible to visit my family. When I go back, I feel at peace, firmly rooted, I feel the flow of history run thru my veins. It is a powerful feeling to know how my family came to be, to know where we settled, and where we are going. That is my feeling of patriotism. Now, I amwell aware that other parts of the world are just as beautiful or even more so ,but to me this little island is a jewel incomparable to all.

Politics does NOT instill sense of patriotism in me at all. After learning aboit manifest destiny and what the Ameeican government did to the Native Americans, I was profoundly disgusted, dismayed, and no longer considered myself a prou

d American. I haven't returned to voting just yet-- I want to be more informed about the issues before I take a stand. And I want to be more involved in civic life before I vote. I don't want to be a lazy voter or one time armchair activist. If I'm at all patriotic as an American, it is onlybc of my belief that I am rresponsible for how the future develops. I always felt guilty as a jw for sitting on the back burner while the rest of the world decided what to do. No more.