I am speaking from the perspective of a parent who lost their first child ( her heart stopped beating when I was 8 months pregnant). I was blessed to get pregnant again very quickly with my second child, who is now a healthy two year old. My second pregnancy was difficult, and included hospital stays, special diet, and bed rest. My husband and I decided that if we were not able to have our child "naturally" we would immediately sign up for adoption. Our viewpoint was, we want a child to love, and we will go through whatever to have that child. We did not care if the child looked like us (although, to be honest, we did want the same racial background at first). However, one of my close friends says her husband doesn't want to "raise a kid that's not his". I really believe it's your motivation that determines your decision. If you just want a child to love, you will find a way, either through adoption or some other means. If you are set on a child with your genes, then you have limited your options, and may have to face the fact that this cannot / will not happen.
We are actually discussing foster care and future adoption, because we feel there is enough love in our hearts for at least one more child. That's just our feeling, though, and I really try to understand the other viewpoint.
I will say, business is business. When I lost my daughter, I took the standard 6 weeks after childbirth (since I did deliver her) and then went back to work. There were times I had to go to the ladies room to have a cry, but I did my job. I don't think it's fair for someone to expect others to pick up their workload because of emotional issues that they are dealing with. We all lose people we love, we are all dealing with some sort of stress or emotional issue, we are not special in that aspect, and the world does not come to an end because of it. I hope that doesn't seem cold, I am just a very responsible person, and often wish other people were the same.
