Perry - When I left the Watchtower I trusted no one, most of all God. I placed my trust fully in myself for many years. It solved some issues, but on balance it created more problems than it solved.
I can understand that. When you are used to being told what to do instead of thinking for yourself and you go out in the world one can be get lost (maybe even self-destructive). That happened to me. But I got better at thinking for myself and correcting my mistakes. And, over time, I got better and got better at "getting better" and gained more confidence at making my own decisions. Is it possible you gave up on yourself too soon?
Perry - I came to realize that it was not within my constitution to be the final arbiter of right and wrong. I just couldn't see far enough down the road and I couldn't trust the things that I thought I did see.
Wait, what you are saying seems contradictory. How do you determine if your God/Holy Book is the correct moral arbiter if you don't trust your own judgement? Are you not using your own sense of morality to evaluate God's morality? No? Then, how would you know what Bible-sanctioned practices to follow or not follow? For that matter, how would you know if you are following the right religion/God/Holy Book?