Crazyguy, I had similar problems with all of the killings in the OT.
One thing that always bothered me is that in the OT God commands his people a number of times to kill other people despite the fact that killing was something he supposedly could do directly. Not only did this cause untold physical violence but it probably contributed to a lot of mental and emotional damage as well.
As an example, my father is a Korean War Veteran suffering from PTSD and has daily bouts of depression over the people he killed. I know this may seen trivial compared to all of the other OT atrocities. But it begs the question, why would a God (if he existed) wish to visit this type of psychological damage on people if he could have done the killing himself? Never could figure that out. And, all of the explanations I heard at the time are now patently obscene.