oh, Lin. How awful! I cannot for the life of me understand how anyone can be so cold. Especially to a child. And ESPECIALLY TO YOUR DAUGHTER OR GRAND DAUGHTER. Sometimes, I feel like I can NEVER forgive my husband for being like that. and that he should NOT be given a chance to change and make it up to her. Then, I go back to trying to be forgiving and understanding and to remember that he did not intentionally hurt her. He does love her and in his twisted mind, this is how he thought he should handle it. (By the way, I start counseling for myself on Monday-can you tell that I need it?
janiemh
JoinedPosts by janiemh
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27
Shunning your own teenage daughter?
by janiemh insomething just occurred to me that i have never thought of before.
my husband and i are separated currently.
among other things, his anger management problems and rages and my control and emotional neglect and withdrawl issues were key factors.
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27
Shunning your own teenage daughter?
by janiemh insomething just occurred to me that i have never thought of before.
my husband and i are separated currently.
among other things, his anger management problems and rages and my control and emotional neglect and withdrawl issues were key factors.
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janiemh
outoftheorg-oh, I agree. I never have, nor would I use that term when talking to her. And maybe my husband did come to that conclusion on his own. I repeatedly asked him to talk to her. He thought this was the best way to handle it. He also quit giving her money or paying for her gas and insurance for her car (she drove to school on a school permit) Between January and May, her grades dropped (4.0 to 2.5), she quit most activities and agonized about going to the ones she couldn't get out of, started drinking and smoking pot, etc. It was horrible! this whole time, he's refusing to even discipline her. He's leaving it all up to me and then criticizing me when I let her go out too much, or stay out too late. It was so hard for me, too! Her and I still struggle with these things going on in her life.
My husband is deep down a good person. Part of his problem is that he grew up with an abusive mother. Physically, emotionally, verbally, you name it. Recently, he has expressed his regret for the things he has done and admitted he was wrong. I don't know if we will ever reconcile, (certainly not without serious counseling) but we are talking. Who knows.
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27
Shunning your own teenage daughter?
by janiemh insomething just occurred to me that i have never thought of before.
my husband and i are separated currently.
among other things, his anger management problems and rages and my control and emotional neglect and withdrawl issues were key factors.
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janiemh
My husband is not a baptized JW. And my daughter, of course, attended the meetings when I was going, but since I quit, she doesn't go anymore either. It seems like a crazy thought, now that I think about it. I have to agree that it is probably more of a problem within himself. It's just that he does at-home study with one elder weekly still. and I know they have actually become very close. They've gone golfing, etc. I sometimes wonder how in the world my husband can be so heartless and cruel and it's easier to take thinking maybe he was influenced somewhere.
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27
Shunning your own teenage daughter?
by janiemh insomething just occurred to me that i have never thought of before.
my husband and i are separated currently.
among other things, his anger management problems and rages and my control and emotional neglect and withdrawl issues were key factors.
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janiemh
Something just occurred to me that I have never thought of before. I would like to know what you all think.
My husband and I are separated currently. Among other things, his anger management problems and rages and my control and emotional neglect and withdrawl issues were key factors. Plus, 2 years ago, we both started to study with JW's, I quit after about one year because I cannot believe what they do. Husband stayed in. It was a big source of conflict for us. With all this going on, we separated in June this year.
Anyway, we have 2 children, daughter 15, son 10. This past January, my daugher told us that she had sex with a boy. It was not a good experience for her. She felt coerced, used etc. She cried the whole next day. Needless to say, she became upset with herself and depressed over it.
My husband is naturally disappointed in her. But what he chooses to do is not speak to her. Avoid her. Withhold love and affection. and this continues for about 5 months. Can you believe that? Twice that I heard, she'd say "Love You" to him and he did not respond at all. Up to that time, they had a pretty close relationship. This obviously devastated her. By May, she is seriously depressed and talking suicide. I got her in therepy, on medication, and we moved out. At that time, he tried to start talking to her again, but she is now very distant with him. It's like the bond has been bruised deeply. Since 6/02, she has been to his house only twice, for about 30 min. (PS-I do not blame her breakdown on him, she has been diagnosed with clinical depression, but I wonder if a major experience like this triggered something???)
Do you think there is a possiblity that he was advised by the JW's to shun her?? since she practiced immoral activity? the thought never occurred to me until now. It just could be, though. Would they advise something like that?
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28
Can a Christian and a JW be happily married?
by janiemh inmy husband and i are currently separated (since 6/02) we have not ruled out the possibility of reconciliation and are working on some issues.
about 2 years before this separation, we both started studying with jw's.
we went to sunday meetings and had weekly in-home bible studies.
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janiemh
Good Morning! Thanks again for all the responses. Your input is very valuable to me.
LB-you mentioned "rushing baptism" Yep, they've done that with him. Pressured him. Thank God he has the mindset to question why that is necessary. He has already been baptized. But as you all know I'm sure, you have to be baptized "into their organization" which to me, is very "against what the bible teaches"
blindfool -bless your heart for being as tolerant as you are. Like some posts above, it seems not so bad if the wife is the JW, as opposed the husband being a JW. I am betting that I won't find a lot of wives here, who's husbands are strong JW, who could give advice. My guess is that not many of them would be visiting a site like this. By the way, how old are your children? My husband never forbid "worldly activities" BUT....he would try to teach them how wrong they were. Then, leave it up to them. So then, they had this guilt or fear, not good for them emotionally in my opinion.
DJ-thanks for the heartfelt response. You know, we actually have not touched this issue since we separated. I know that before that, he would not agree to what you suggest. If anything that I showed him would spark some question in him, he would go to the elder and ask and it would be explained away (for instance, the United Nations issue) For 3 months, there was not much talk about reconciling, and just this past weekend, we really talked and decided to not give up yet. So we've been talking about less complicated things. I will wait just a little bit before I bring up this subject again. I feel like I need a strategy or something. Maybe I am fooling myself. Thanks so much for your prayers.
amazing-thanks! I'm not sure how radical my husband has become since I left. That will be a starting point.
and seaken-I agree with you that it seems so ignorant. and weak minded. to believe things just because someone told you so. to believe that Jesus came in 1918 or whatever year it was and CHOSE JW'S! Duh! I don't mean to be offensive, and I would never say it like that to my husband, but it seems ridiculous to me. Anyone can look back and see what was going on with JW's at that time period. Why would Jesus choose them? I believe that with my husband, he and I were not getting along, not communicating well at all, intimacy was lacking, and the JW's came and formed a friendly bond right away. That emotional bond is what hooked him to start. He was very vulnerable at that time. How would I go about consulting Steve Hassan? Does he have a website or anything?
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28
Can a Christian and a JW be happily married?
by janiemh inmy husband and i are currently separated (since 6/02) we have not ruled out the possibility of reconciliation and are working on some issues.
about 2 years before this separation, we both started studying with jw's.
we went to sunday meetings and had weekly in-home bible studies.
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janiemh
and MegaDude-I want to respond to your other point. The JW's do constantly put down others who are outside of their group. They act superior. This is the main reason that my daughter doesn't go. She says there is so much arrogance in the air. She knows that isn't what Jesus would do. I can only hope and pray that my son will see it, too, before much longer.
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28
Can a Christian and a JW be happily married?
by janiemh inmy husband and i are currently separated (since 6/02) we have not ruled out the possibility of reconciliation and are working on some issues.
about 2 years before this separation, we both started studying with jw's.
we went to sunday meetings and had weekly in-home bible studies.
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janiemh
MegaDude-the problem is that even if I divorced him, it won't even solve this problem. He would still have the kids about half the time. (well, my son, anyway. at this point, my daughter doesn't see her dad much at all) It would be nice if they had never came to our door. One good thing is this, my husband has had some major problems with anger management. He grew up with a terribly abusive mother. She is honestly the most evil person I have ever met. When the JW's got him back into bible study, it helped a lot with that. Unfortunately, we had a lot of other issues, some were my own .
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28
Can a Christian and a JW be happily married?
by janiemh inmy husband and i are currently separated (since 6/02) we have not ruled out the possibility of reconciliation and are working on some issues.
about 2 years before this separation, we both started studying with jw's.
we went to sunday meetings and had weekly in-home bible studies.
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janiemh
DJ-No, he was not baptized into JW's. Thank God!! He has been baptized as a Christian. (at age 12, I think) I have a whole box of information I have gotten from the internet, all filed into categories, he wouldn't look at any of it. My daughter, age 15, already refuses to go with dad to kingdom hall. She does not like it. My son, 10, goes because he still wants to please his dad. I was raised as Lutheran, and all 3 of my children were baptized in the Lutheran church (I have another daughter, 21, from a prior marriage) We did not attend church regularly while the kids were growing up, but we have taught them bible principles. the conflict used to be between my Lutheran church and his Church of Christ. Then after 14 years of marriage, he "converts" to JW. This made it even harder because we did celebrate holidays and birthdays all that time, then he quit. He allowed me to continue and the children, but he didn't participate. That's fine, but my poor son was made to feel guilty about school parties, etc. Emotional agony.
Yeru-I have thought about the blood transfusions. Reading the story about the poor father of the girl in Canada broke my heart. How devastated he must be. I think their views on blood transfusions are ridiculous!!! I have thought about custody issues, if we did divorce. I would not allow him to impose those views if it were my child. But like that father, they hid his child from him. How horrible! I feel the the WTS has the blood on their hands.
I don't know if my husband will agree to revisit some of these issues with me and open his mind. If he won't, I guess there may not be a lot of hope for us.
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28
Can a Christian and a JW be happily married?
by janiemh inmy husband and i are currently separated (since 6/02) we have not ruled out the possibility of reconciliation and are working on some issues.
about 2 years before this separation, we both started studying with jw's.
we went to sunday meetings and had weekly in-home bible studies.
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janiemh
Thank you for all the input. This really is a TOUGH issue. and mamashel, I read that book. I asked him to read it, too, but he was already far enough into it that he wasn't willing to look at any material but theirs. That's all apostate, you know. I believe that was one of the first things they taught because when I started to mention the information I was getting from other sources, they advised me not to look at that. I thought that was crazy. If they truly had the truth, their beliefs should be able to stand up when scrutinized. I remember asking him to study the bible with me, by ourselves, with no extra literature from anyone, and he refused. He already was convinced that you cannot understand the bible without the "channel of communication" I don't know what kind of counsel he is getting from the elder that still studies with him, but I predict that it is not in my favor. I know that I cannot ignore the differences and get back together. this is an issue that will have to have some kind of resolution before we live together again. What I want is for him to quit going there. Is that unreasonable? and how would he ever be convinced to do so? I agree that counseling will have to be utilized. He says that there is mixed religion in a lot of families, and it works. If we had no children, I probably wouldn't mind so much.
Mamashel-what was it that made you and your husband leave?
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28
Can a Christian and a JW be happily married?
by janiemh inmy husband and i are currently separated (since 6/02) we have not ruled out the possibility of reconciliation and are working on some issues.
about 2 years before this separation, we both started studying with jw's.
we went to sunday meetings and had weekly in-home bible studies.
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janiemh
My husband and I are currently separated (since 6/02) We have not ruled out the possibility of reconciliation and are working on some issues. About 2 years before this separation, we both started studying with JW's. We went to Sunday meetings and had weekly in-home bible studies. After about a year of this, along with intense praying, studying on my own and tons of research, I came to the conclusion that I cannot believe what they do. In fact, some of their teachings actually scare me. but mostly, I cannot find biblical backing for a lot of what they do and it seems a very man-made enterprise as opposed to the "truth" My husband, however, feels they have the truth and believes what they do on everything. Whenver I would ask him where does it say that in the bible (such as disfellowshipping practices, for example) he would say that even if it doesn't say it, you have to use bible "principles"
Anyway, we have 2 children, 15 and 10, and they are being asked to practice in 2 very opposite ways. How can this benefit them? Can it do damage, as I imagine? If we do get back together, can this ever work between us? this was not the cause of our separation, but it was another source of conflict for us. Any advice for me???