Posts by janiemh

27

Shunning your own teenage daughter?

by janiemh in

jw
friends

something just occurred to me that i have never thought of before.

my husband and i are separated currently.

among other things, his anger management problems and rages and my control and emotional neglect and withdrawl issues were key factors.

janiemh

Aguest and Beck-thank you for your thought-provoking posts. I appreciate it so much.

Beck-what's strange, is that my husband DID commit the same sin when he was a teenager. He has a very judgemental attitude, you are right. I cannot believe how someone could be so cold to their own child. He is trying to communicate with her now but she said "when I needed him the most in my life, he wasn't there. and now he wants to 'talk'" She doesn't have hate for him, just indifference. I do know that without their relationship being repaired, our relationship (he and I) will not survive.

Someone said you should separate your "wife" role and your "mother" role. But I disagree. and I cannot do it. I tried. It doesn't work for me.

27

Shunning your own teenage daughter?

by janiemh in

jw
friends

something just occurred to me that i have never thought of before.

my husband and i are separated currently.

among other things, his anger management problems and rages and my control and emotional neglect and withdrawl issues were key factors.

janiemh

outoftheorg-thank you so much. I agree with you. If he won't go to counseling, probably both marriage and family, there is no way I will go back. NO WAY! And I would not counsel with JW elders if my life depended on it. (according to them, it probably does. Ha!) I have my own apartment now. I have an escape. I don't have to see him at all if I don't want to. Neither does my daughter. And that is a huge relief. It may take a long time to learn if this will work or not. We have MAJOR differences to try to work through. But like you said, if I don't try, I might look back thinking, what it?

To all of you who want to knock him upside the head-I appreciate your input, too! It is how I feel sometimes. He claims to be changing, but I have heard it before. We'll see!

27

Shunning your own teenage daughter?

by janiemh in

jw
friends

something just occurred to me that i have never thought of before.

my husband and i are separated currently.

among other things, his anger management problems and rages and my control and emotional neglect and withdrawl issues were key factors.

janiemh

Sounds like maybe I need to get a backbone!!??

27

Shunning your own teenage daughter?

by janiemh in

jw
friends

something just occurred to me that i have never thought of before.

my husband and i are separated currently.

among other things, his anger management problems and rages and my control and emotional neglect and withdrawl issues were key factors.

janiemh

megadude-no apology necessary. I need feedback-both positive and negative. This is all so difficult. I understand what you are saying. What if he recognizes the damage he has done and works to correct it and make it up to her, and me? This is what he is promising to do. I know that it will take a long time for him to prove that, and for her to trust him again. Some days I'm willing to spend the time, other days I think "I got out-now I should just stay out and let it end" It's hard to be loving to someone, though, when they mistreat someone you love, you know?

27

Shunning your own teenage daughter?

by janiemh in

jw
friends

something just occurred to me that i have never thought of before.

my husband and i are separated currently.

among other things, his anger management problems and rages and my control and emotional neglect and withdrawl issues were key factors.

janiemh

megadude-that must have been horrible for you as a child. I am so sorry to hear that. Would your dad have stepped in had he known all that? Did you try telling him?

I did tell my daughter that I did not agree with or approve of what he was doing to her. and I neither encourage, nor discourage her to talk to him. I do tell her that he does love her because I think he does, he just sucks at showing it. She thinks he hates her and I know he doesn't and I also know that I don't want her to think he does. I do think she is angry with me, though, for allowing it and trying to stay out of it. I figured it would run it's own course and dad would lose in the end. I didn't know how much my daughter would lose in the process. I probably should have demanded that he deal with it, not just ignore it to spare his feelings.

27

Shunning your own teenage daughter?

by janiemh in

jw
friends

something just occurred to me that i have never thought of before.

my husband and i are separated currently.

among other things, his anger management problems and rages and my control and emotional neglect and withdrawl issues were key factors.

janiemh

oh, Lin. How awful! I cannot for the life of me understand how anyone can be so cold. Especially to a child. And ESPECIALLY TO YOUR DAUGHTER OR GRAND DAUGHTER. Sometimes, I feel like I can NEVER forgive my husband for being like that. and that he should NOT be given a chance to change and make it up to her. Then, I go back to trying to be forgiving and understanding and to remember that he did not intentionally hurt her. He does love her and in his twisted mind, this is how he thought he should handle it. (By the way, I start counseling for myself on Monday-can you tell that I need it?

27

Shunning your own teenage daughter?

by janiemh in

jw
friends

something just occurred to me that i have never thought of before.

my husband and i are separated currently.

among other things, his anger management problems and rages and my control and emotional neglect and withdrawl issues were key factors.

janiemh

outoftheorg-oh, I agree. I never have, nor would I use that term when talking to her. And maybe my husband did come to that conclusion on his own. I repeatedly asked him to talk to her. He thought this was the best way to handle it. He also quit giving her money or paying for her gas and insurance for her car (she drove to school on a school permit) Between January and May, her grades dropped (4.0 to 2.5), she quit most activities and agonized about going to the ones she couldn't get out of, started drinking and smoking pot, etc. It was horrible! this whole time, he's refusing to even discipline her. He's leaving it all up to me and then criticizing me when I let her go out too much, or stay out too late. It was so hard for me, too! Her and I still struggle with these things going on in her life.

My husband is deep down a good person. Part of his problem is that he grew up with an abusive mother. Physically, emotionally, verbally, you name it. Recently, he has expressed his regret for the things he has done and admitted he was wrong. I don't know if we will ever reconcile, (certainly not without serious counseling) but we are talking. Who knows.

27

Shunning your own teenage daughter?

by janiemh in

jw
friends

something just occurred to me that i have never thought of before.

my husband and i are separated currently.

among other things, his anger management problems and rages and my control and emotional neglect and withdrawl issues were key factors.

janiemh

My husband is not a baptized JW. And my daughter, of course, attended the meetings when I was going, but since I quit, she doesn't go anymore either. It seems like a crazy thought, now that I think about it. I have to agree that it is probably more of a problem within himself. It's just that he does at-home study with one elder weekly still. and I know they have actually become very close. They've gone golfing, etc. I sometimes wonder how in the world my husband can be so heartless and cruel and it's easier to take thinking maybe he was influenced somewhere.

27

Shunning your own teenage daughter?

by janiemh in

jw
friends

something just occurred to me that i have never thought of before.

my husband and i are separated currently.

among other things, his anger management problems and rages and my control and emotional neglect and withdrawl issues were key factors.

janiemh

Something just occurred to me that I have never thought of before. I would like to know what you all think.

My husband and I are separated currently. Among other things, his anger management problems and rages and my control and emotional neglect and withdrawl issues were key factors. Plus, 2 years ago, we both started to study with JW's, I quit after about one year because I cannot believe what they do. Husband stayed in. It was a big source of conflict for us. With all this going on, we separated in June this year.

Anyway, we have 2 children, daughter 15, son 10. This past January, my daugher told us that she had sex with a boy. It was not a good experience for her. She felt coerced, used etc. She cried the whole next day. Needless to say, she became upset with herself and depressed over it.

My husband is naturally disappointed in her. But what he chooses to do is not speak to her. Avoid her. Withhold love and affection. and this continues for about 5 months. Can you believe that? Twice that I heard, she'd say "Love You" to him and he did not respond at all. Up to that time, they had a pretty close relationship. This obviously devastated her. By May, she is seriously depressed and talking suicide. I got her in therepy, on medication, and we moved out. At that time, he tried to start talking to her again, but she is now very distant with him. It's like the bond has been bruised deeply. Since 6/02, she has been to his house only twice, for about 30 min. (PS-I do not blame her breakdown on him, she has been diagnosed with clinical depression, but I wonder if a major experience like this triggered something???)

Do you think there is a possiblity that he was advised by the JW's to shun her?? since she practiced immoral activity? the thought never occurred to me until now. It just could be, though. Would they advise something like that?

28

Can a Christian and a JW be happily married?

by janiemh in

jw
friends

my husband and i are currently separated (since 6/02) we have not ruled out the possibility of reconciliation and are working on some issues.

about 2 years before this separation, we both started studying with jw's.

we went to sunday meetings and had weekly in-home bible studies.

janiemh

Good Morning! Thanks again for all the responses. Your input is very valuable to me.

LB-you mentioned "rushing baptism" Yep, they've done that with him. Pressured him. Thank God he has the mindset to question why that is necessary. He has already been baptized. But as you all know I'm sure, you have to be baptized "into their organization" which to me, is very "against what the bible teaches"

blindfool -bless your heart for being as tolerant as you are. Like some posts above, it seems not so bad if the wife is the JW, as opposed the husband being a JW. I am betting that I won't find a lot of wives here, who's husbands are strong JW, who could give advice. My guess is that not many of them would be visiting a site like this. By the way, how old are your children? My husband never forbid "worldly activities" BUT....he would try to teach them how wrong they were. Then, leave it up to them. So then, they had this guilt or fear, not good for them emotionally in my opinion.

DJ-thanks for the heartfelt response. You know, we actually have not touched this issue since we separated. I know that before that, he would not agree to what you suggest. If anything that I showed him would spark some question in him, he would go to the elder and ask and it would be explained away (for instance, the United Nations issue) For 3 months, there was not much talk about reconciling, and just this past weekend, we really talked and decided to not give up yet. So we've been talking about less complicated things. I will wait just a little bit before I bring up this subject again. I feel like I need a strategy or something. Maybe I am fooling myself. Thanks so much for your prayers.

amazing-thanks! I'm not sure how radical my husband has become since I left. That will be a starting point.

and seaken-I agree with you that it seems so ignorant. and weak minded. to believe things just because someone told you so. to believe that Jesus came in 1918 or whatever year it was and CHOSE JW'S! Duh! I don't mean to be offensive, and I would never say it like that to my husband, but it seems ridiculous to me. Anyone can look back and see what was going on with JW's at that time period. Why would Jesus choose them? I believe that with my husband, he and I were not getting along, not communicating well at all, intimacy was lacking, and the JW's came and formed a friendly bond right away. That emotional bond is what hooked him to start. He was very vulnerable at that time. How would I go about consulting Steve Hassan? Does he have a website or anything?