I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.Those elders you confess to may very well be pedophiles themselves, or most likely covering up the crime of a pedophile. Have you watched the Australian Royal Commission, or read up on the massive pedophilia problems and how the elders keep it from the members and carry on as though everything is fine? They aren't just stories, I have indirect experience with it.
Would you really want anyone, especially those type of people having power over you? If you do end up in it again, you'll most likely end up leaving again. Read a book called "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steve Hassan. You'll find yourself relating to every page.