i'm a first time poster.
i'm not a jw.
my wife has been a jw for 5 years now.
Satan how much validation does one need? And isnt a need that great for that much validation an indication of insecurity? Why would'nt you not rather get professional help to help you move on instead of hanging out with people that just fuel the anger?
Edited by - trybalance on 14 October 2002 3:46:51
i'm a first time poster.
i'm not a jw.
my wife has been a jw for 5 years now.
Let me try and ask my quesiton another way. Say I had a horrible thing happen in my life. Lost all my family to religion or whatever. So I start having a hard time dealing with it. I find that I thnk about it all the time. I start going to a bar and crying about it. Me and my bar friends start meeting at happy hour every night and talking about how awful our pain is. We all start bringing newspaper clippings and sharing them about the subject. We rehash the awful thing over and over every night. We pick this thing apart to no end. Every day someone brings to the bar another horror story. I keep staying pissed and my love of life just drifts away because I cant get this thing out of my mind. I keep putting it in my face every day and I hang out with people that enjoy putting it in my face and keep reminding me about my pain. Why would I do that?
i'm a first time poster.
i'm not a jw.
my wife has been a jw for 5 years now.
Kelly that is a sad story. I am very sorry to here about this. Please do not think that I am belittling anyones pain over things here. I am just trying to understand whyone would choose to dwell on this and fule it. It seem to my, just my thought, that I would seek professional help (I do believe that therapy is good) instead of going on and on and fueling this thing. I would want to move on and have a life and happiness. My point here has been Why keep fueling it? Dont you guys want to be happy and have a life? You can't change the past or other peoples hearts. All you can change is yourself. And by changing youself you can maybe get others attention in a good way. People are not normally attracted to people that are constantly dwelling on the uglies of life. Like I said. I am not judging I am just really trying to come to grips with why people would want to keep this fueling thing going.
i'm a first time poster.
i'm not a jw.
my wife has been a jw for 5 years now.
To Iwasonceyoung, I would not say these people are close friends. I have different levels of friends. SOme that I share different parts of me with. Duped? I said already that I do not beleive like they do. I go with my wife. I don't know why it seems needed to repeat myself here. I told them where I stand and that is what it is. If they do not hear my words like some here don't then oh well. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I hear all the anger, the hurt and the pain. That is without question. My question was not- Can you or have you been hurt by the church? My question was Why do you feel the need to fuel the pain and anger here? Please keep my words straight. And please do not try to read between the lines. I said and asked all that I intended and nothing more.
i'm a first time poster.
i'm not a jw.
my wife has been a jw for 5 years now.
UnD she says she happy and she acts happy. I have been on this planet long enough to know things go wrong. I know there is always the hidden things. If the hidden stuff comes out and its ugly then leave. My question was why the attitude? Does going over and over this stuff and keeping it in your face all the time really help you? And please don't beat me up and say I have no heart for not understanding. I just can't see it. The reaction I got from stinkypants makes me think that something is very wrong here. I just came to ask a question and state my thoughts. I don't think I called any body names are accused anybody of anything.Thats what I don't understand about you guys. If I don't share your anger and attitude and do not agree with your wanting to hang onto this pain does that make me heartless?
Boy UnD you guys are keeping me busy tonight. I never said that the preachers were right. Hell it is too bad. What are you going to do about it? Pass out stuffed lambs? I just don't get the why's and how's of what makes you guys keep doing this stuff. Its not my judgement so please dont beat me up. I just dont understand. It seems like lawyers and police are the answer from what I'm hearing. But to go around the world passing out stuffed lambs seems a bit useless ot me. Like my original question Why the attitudes? Attitudes don't make things right. At least in my opinion. All the stuff here, the way I see it, only keeps fueling anger and pain. It dont fix anything. And from what I have read here there have been a lot of people hurt further because of fueling this stuff. Like the guy at work said- go to the internet and you will see. All I see is pain, anger and attitude. I just can't understand why people would keep fueling that. Hell I don't go visit graves of my lost family members. They are in my heart but why would I go to that plot of ground and keep the grave in my mind? To me I want the momories of when they were alive and we were happy. I just don't see why anyone would want to keep themselves fed on the ugly parts of life.
Edited by - trybalance on 14 October 2002 3:4:41
i'm a first time poster.
i'm not a jw.
my wife has been a jw for 5 years now.
I was just told that I had no heart because I would move on and could get over things. I only asked questions and gave my thoughts. I never told anyone they had no heart or were wrong. I just said that I could not understand the attitude and by saying that the attitudes got worse.
Ooops I missed some more questions.
Lilacs even if they came knocking on your door you did not have to buy what they were selling. It was still your choice. Do you buy a vacuum from every kirby guy that comes knocking?
UnD- the mother and the father needs to go to jail. I have seen such things on tv. To bad for the child to have both parents that way. But hey you take bad advise what happens. I have taken bad advise before. Still did not waste my life blaming the person for giving it to me. Just kicked myself real hard, leanred a lesson and got to moving.
Edited by - trybalance on 14 October 2002 2:48:8
i'm a first time poster.
i'm not a jw.
my wife has been a jw for 5 years now.
Ok I thank you all again for answering from your hearts. I was a bit shy to write my feelings. I will leave by saying that it only took about 30 minutes for people to start trying to judge my heart here. Don't know if thats a record or not. I love my family and would be devestated to loose any of them to anything. But by no means would I keep tormenting myself for the remainder of my life if they chose to exclude me from the family. They would always be near to my heart but as I feel about my son if I know that he is doing well and is happy I don't have to see him all the time. My love for my family is not selfish. If they choose not to want me around that is theri choice. I only want them to be happy. If being a witness makes them happy good for them. If they dont talk to me that would be something we all would have to live with. But if they are happy with that then I would learn how to get happy with it and not let it eat me alive.
And I also would not blame the religion because my family chose the religion the religion did not choose them. They made up their minds as my wife did and that was her choice. I would not spend my time going on and on about a religion when it was her choice. Just like the child sex thing the parent made the choice. The religion may have given bad advise but the parent was the responsible party.
Edited by - trybalance on 14 October 2002 2:35:51
i'm a first time poster.
i'm not a jw.
my wife has been a jw for 5 years now.
Feel like I am standing in front of a bunch of reporters trying to get back inside the building and they keep asking another question. The story youo just told about the paents who did not report the abuse by the father. Well like I said the mom should have reported it. If she put the church ahead of the childs welfare she is responsible. It is starting to get clearer for me though, thanks to your answers and questions. I got to say though that it still falls back on the family. Just because a church says I will go to hell if I don't drink this poisened koolaid don't mean that I am going to drink it. So if the parent does something stupid just because a preacher said it was the right thing to do that makes the parent wrong. That is like saying that the boy killed his mother because he watched a steven king movie.
Anyway stinkypants I never said it would be easy to get over it. I just would'nt keep sitting around looking at old pictures and home movies trying to keep myself upset over the loss. Hell I would never get over it that way. That would be like me saying that I enjoyed the pain so I will keep reminding myself about all the ugly stuff everyday. Just don't feel right to me.
i'm a first time poster.
i'm not a jw.
my wife has been a jw for 5 years now.
I hope that I answered all of your questions. I thank you for the time you took to try and answer mine. I still have to say though that I don't care for all the attitude and anger stuff. But thank you all anyway.
i'm a first time poster.
i'm not a jw.
my wife has been a jw for 5 years now.
Pope I like your hat. I smoke. I don't quit because I like to smoke. If the doctor told me that I had cancer and have to quit smoking I would quit.Might not be easy for me but I think I would give it a honest try. But I do enjoy the smoke.
