Dear Friend, my heart literally busted when I read this on face book last night, it send down my spine the hatred I have always held deep down in the recesses of my mind and heard while I was part ot this cult. I share your pains and sorrow the gut wrenching horrors that plague your mind because of what happened to you while you were in Bethel.
It prompted me to come back here after being away for a few years, I joined this group when it was JWD and that was 11 years ago, I am already a member here under the name of orangefatcat and have over 3500 postings and threads. I wasn't able to recall my password and my previous email server i no longer use so unfortunately I had to re register. But I am under the members list.
I found this group to be so very helpful during those early years so much support and kindness. I am sure you are finding it to be the same. Oh you might find someone who wants to be contrary or arguementative but just let go and ignore them they only need their ego's fed.
I do hope that you are taking care of yourself and your own mental health, because the mind games of the WTS can be damaging. Brainwashing they have down to a fine science. I went through many years of therapy and with no regrets to find a place of stability and peace once again. It is not an easy road to come back to if you were raised a JW, thank God I was not my parents converted when I was thirteen and I was not happy one damn bit as I was in the Anglican faith and quite happy and on the verge of confirmation when my non religous parents all of a sudden found religion as a crutch to their coming off of their addictions. So they dragged me in and my sisters with them, the younger ones don't remember the horror I endured, but thanks to my beloved Grandma who was the even keel and most loving and caring person in the world I had to hold on to some hope. But it took 38 years to break free and she had already passed on. I returned to my Anglican Roots and became baptized and confirmed and I know my Grandma watched over me that day as I took these steps and vows.
I never ever for one second looked back with any regret, I knew I would loose my family and friends, but just four years ago the baby of the family did something that blew me away and I knew God had finally heard my prayers. She too walked away from the organization, her family for the sake of survival and i know she too paid the heaviest price as we all do. We are very close as we always were accept for the 14 years she couldn' t talk to me. We never missed a beat when my loving Aunt told me my sister was out of the witnesses and left her husband just a few days short of Christamas it was the best Christmas gift ever.. We joyfully celebrated our very first Christmas together last year. It was wonderful. Oh she still has hang ups and guilt and I told her it will take time. I know its not easy as so many of us can attest to.. Including yourself.. living the horrors of what you witnessed and trying to put some sort of semblance to it all is really all to difficult at times. It will pass. The WTS will never ever change its spots. It is a part of this deception of what they claim other religions are.
Dearest friend know this that for all the suffering you have endured, in the end you will be the stronger for it. You will forge onward with your life and find happiness and contentment. As you said you don't have to go on tv or the media or write a book it isn't that important at all. Verbally telling your story is enough for many. As you stated this was not the worse story you told, I can't imagine what could be worse than what you said already. But in this world I guess nothng should surprise us anymore.
I do hope that you can stop hearing the sounds in your mind and let your mind be a peace. Perhaps some soft gentle music when this happens can ease that stress. I wish you well. And thank you for your courage in telling us this horrific event in your life. Peace dear friend Peace.
