Hi Letty
i was in a very similar situation to you - caught having a “double life” when I was nearly pioneering. The fall from grace was humiliating but the family’s treatment was the most painful thing I had to endure. Each day was torture. I was shunned in my own house and went through so much so much guilt and anxiety it affected my health negatively. I started to have insomnia, I had insane amounts of hairfall and I was just a bad mess.
I still believed in “the truth” for a few years following that and Convinced my bf to study the Bible. He was/is a wonderful person and did it for me even if some of it was senseless. He was love bombed though and saw how i needed at that time to have Jws around me. The turning point in my life was when I left home, and left the country. For the the first time I started to see holes in the teachings. Those next few years were