after many months of the husband ignoreing the elephant inthe room

by nonjwspouse 18 Replies latest members private

• 

  nonjwspouse

  His goal of baptisim , but his completel inactivity right now, complete so far as he has quit thinking critically at all.

  Today was a nasty scene. My own part was a build up of frustration at being keot at arms length for so very long. No real communications, Jheis severely depressed and sleeps all day 3+ times a week. I told him I woudl not be the first to bring this up again, that it would be up to him. well, it's been nearly a year. My paitence goes only so far. I warned this morning when he brgan to actually talk to me tha I was in an emotional state of being about to blow from all the frustration and noon communication, and watching him abuse his health by not doing what he neds to do to help his health. I was NOT in a good frame of mind. Butof course he proceeded telling me how much he knows it is not my fauly, it had nothing to dowith me etc,,,,,then in the same breath blames me for him missing his brothers first talk. he went to great lengths to describe huis horrible hurt feelings, all becaue he was " afraid of my actions" My first respoinse to him was that he needed a rofessional therapoist if he makes decidions then points the finger of contgrol at me. He mentioned this talk weeks ago and I did not react at all. I did ask if he would begin atending meetingd again, but not in any accusitory way, in an asking me. He replied he didn't know. He claimes all this time he was hurt bymy non reaction. I asked him ust what WAS HE expecting from me. He had to think hard on than one. " just a sumple Ok ( in reaity I'm oretty sure i did say that but he doesnt remember it that way)

  The entire thing spirals downhill out of conrol unfortunatly...remember I was in a very agitated state of mind due to other things. bit somewhat related things yet I keep my promise.

  I wont make this a super long post but a few points I would like to address. he said that Moses lied when I asked him of God ever lied. Like this was proof the GB can alsoo lie. He aslst stated he believed the Gb to be the on'y true word of god on this earth. ( I felt sick tomy stomsch) I now need help from all of you do give good refuts to this I have some myself but want tomake sure I cover all bases.

  However, he was relateing the Hassan book, forgetting the name of the writer and stating I was wrong when I said all those people are in that organization because they love HGod and want to do what is the one and on;y true correxct thing to please God. he disagreed but had a hard time doing so. he said they have a well trained plan to prey on vulnerable people to suck them intothe Moonies. I asked how is it the Moonies feel they are not mind controlled. As any one of them and they will tell you they have complete free will. He was relating the book and had to recant the part about the R&F not knowing what was going on in the "headquarters" and how they fully believed. it was only when very high up in the organization did he assan finally see it for what it realy was, and even then had to get ot of the envoronment to do so. Hw was having a very hard time reconcling that. I had my calm moments and this was one of them,

  I'll wrote more later. This migt be a looong night.
• 

  zeb

  Counsellor and fast.

  Please.
• 

  3rdgen

  NonJwspouse, we are here for you.
• 

  LoisLane looking for Superman

  Hello NonJWSpouse, (((Hugs of friendship and Concern for you)))

  Ten days ago you mentioned in your post that you are seeing a Spiritual Abuse Therapist. That is great.

  I am glad you have a Professional, nearby, that understands what you are going through.

  We will try and "hold your hand" through this.

  It sounds like you love your husband very much and you have "history". lol

  Keep venting, and don't feel ashamed about it.

  I hear you that life is not the "love - fun -and romantic partnership", you signed up for.

  Non-communication and mis-communication between partners, is a tough one.

  I am pulling for you.

  Have a good night's rest and hopefully, tomorrow things will be better.

  LoisLane
• 

  Fernando

  Probably the number one mistake we can make with our loved ones trapped by Watchtower propaganda is going too fast.

  He needs time to mentally and spiritually process doubts and questions so that he can arrive at his own conclusions without being coerced.

  So instead of telling, many find that asking simple, well thought out clarifying questions is a big help in many ways.

  I pray for spiritual wisdom, power, peace and calm for you and for a wide opening of the eyes for your husband (Isa 61:1).

  Greetings

  Fernando
• 

  SanLuisObispoTruthSeeker

  How did Moses lie? I do not recall him lying in the Old Testament?

  I got into it with my wife over this garbage, she said that it was ok to lie if someone was not entitled to know the truth. I asked her to show me where these strange concepts are in the Bible and I asked her to please go through the entire chapter before and after the prooftexting was used. You are in the same situation I am in, I am 39 years old, she is 38 and a hard-core JW-dingus-erectus with no real Bible knowledge. We fight over whether this is the truth all the time, remaining calm has not worked because she will pick up a "Great Teacher Book" or "Revelation book" and throw it at me when she can't think or get's really flustered from the lack of substance and cogent reasoning their books are devoid of.

  I am tired of the fighting and too young to live out the rest of my professional life with someone who is stuck mentally from the Organization. We talk about divorce all the time, her family are crazy invovled in the Organization too, her friends pick her side because "I am the apostate boogie man" She won't tell her friends about what I say or that's would kill her social life, so she fake's it all. Ask questions and be sincere because that's the only way I have gotten my wife to use the Bible instead of GB's twisted" Guide and Manual Of Obediece And Abdication of Free Will" to god's (Satan's) prophets on Earth.
• 

  Fernando

  A warm welcome to the JWN community SanLuisObispoTruthSeeker!

  We look forward to getting to know you, and those parts of your story that you'd like to share.
• 

  Daniel1555

  Hi sanluisobispotruthseeker

  Sent you a private message.

  Nonjwspouse

  Wish you all the best and a lot of strength and patience
• 

  nonjwspouse

  Hi Sanlius I see you just joined. It's good to have you here and haring some of what you hve been going through. Like your wife stating those kinds of things, my husband was telling me Moses lied when "'hitting' the stone with a rock to gvie the Isrielites water, and not giving the glory to Jehovah. Moses let the Isrealites think he did it himself". In the heat of the moment I countered with where exactly did God lie? He kept repeating how Moses didn't give the Glory to jehovah and how that made jehovah angry with Moses. I again said where did what God told Moses not come true? Where was Gods lie? He was trying to run circles around that, at one point saying " it's the same thing" whaaa??. I commented Moses was just a man, he said "exactly" ( Like he just proved the GB are juist men and make mistakes). I keep coming back tell me where God lied he said READ it for yourself, you need to do that. This is a challange I never refuse.

  Now that I have had time to think and formulate the answers as they pertain to the GB I recognise the example of Moses is the example of haughtiness and falsely claiming to be the word of jehovah. When reading the scriptures thus is what I also got. Smite was used as the reason for God becoming angry at Moses, then the punishment was to the "flock" who were mislead. hmmmmm In fact, the more recent actions of the GB seem more and more haughty and even higher requirements for the R&F to believe they are the word of God OR ELSE. But the main point is that what God said is not a lie, what he told Moses came true. It was Moses' holier than thou, power hungry attitude, that made God angry.

  Zeb - I fullly agree. I wrote to our former therapist and he recommended a different one for us now. I am not sure if my husband will go for that. In my writing to the former therapist I finally laid it out to him what I had been concerned with for the year we saw him. I didn't think he knew squat about the JW, and by the end I found out that was true. It caused some of the sessions to be very damaging. in my recent email I said he needed to find out why I was so extreme in reacting to my husbands goal to be baptised ( I also did this in the session, but from my point of view. This email went into more detail about the JW in general and I pleaded with him to research this topic to get a better idea of what he was dealing with) I may have scared him off or something. At first I was afraid to even broach the subject with the therapist, just to ask how much did he know of the JW, for fear my husband wouldn't go back. I was just relieved he was in SOME sort of professional therapy, and not a JW " approved" therapist. So I may have blown it, or maybe not. I was in a high emotional state when writing for another appointment, for either us together or just my husband. I am making another appt with my own spiritual abuse therapist. I stopped going for a while due to so much going on at home I was even afraid to leave the house when my husband was having the horrendous headaches this spring. Once that stopped I did not go for a while because we lived in limbo. Calm, but nothing resolved. The calm turned into increased tension over the past couple months since we all know you can't just wish a problem away, it must be dealt with or it will eat you alive.

  3rdgen- you and others here are what keep me sane some days. There are no words to desacribe ow much I rely on this support. It is like a lifeline. I am crying as I type because am so deeply thankful for Simon to have this site and continue it and al the wonderful people here who "get it".

  Thank you Lois. You have seen my history, it has been quite the rocky road. I haen't given up and don't intend to. However I will not be the only one not giving up. If he does give up, then it will be over. I will not be able to save a marriage for both of us. So far I don't see him watning to give up at all, but his cult persona, if strong enough, might.

  Fernando I understand that and try, oh boy do I try. I have not been the one to bring up anything JW related for more than a year. Each time it is brought up it is by him. Even then I try to stay aloof, and if I say anything it is with a question. But Who is perfect ya know? Especially not a woman who has never in her life "played games" and is horrible at it. I keep working hard at it though. Also hard for a menoupasul woman to keep her temper in check when she is beingn accused of making him make a decision he regrets deply ( in great detail I might add). Yes I blew up at that. If I just had warning I would take a medication to help calm me. But when it comes out of left field like yesterday, I didn't have the chance to do that. I've been working on breathing excercises etc, but these hormones are a B*tch, let me tell ya. The one question I have decided to always ask of him is for him to research to make sure in his own mind the GB is the only, absolute word of God by researching , getting answers to questions though old publications and outside sources. Now, he considers them me TELLING him how to decide and that I have no right to do so , then quotes from the therapist , as he does frequently, that he must decide for himself...twisting that just a tad don't ya think?). The moment in the conversation of his recalling the hassan book was very, very encouraging to me. He was trying to make a point that completely backfired. I could see in his face he realized he was actually proving MY point. At that point he looked at his watch and wanted to be done ( suprise suprise). So I still try hard to cling to the seeds and try, try not to let the rest get to me. It's awful hard though some days. Thank you for your prayer support. The "rest" that got to me this time was my question of if he believes the Gb is the sole word of God and he answerd yes. I have a LONG road ahead. My main goal is that he not become baptised.
• 

  James Jackson

  By your husband not going to meetings, shows he is not a hardcore Witness. Do not bother him on this for now.

  However, this sleeping alot and a "care less attitude", is a sign of something dangerous. He needs professional help.

  Keep yourself strong and be a brace of support for him.