Elder Abuse and Special Committees (page 2)

kilroy2

I think you are trying to move to fast. it takes years to get over the tower abuse, and you many never be completely free of it. but slowly you will be more confident that you are right in leaving and knowing that they are a bunch of ass holes. You will one day not doubt what you feel to be right. It takes different amounts of time for different people.

twinflame

slowly you will be more confident that you are right in leaving and knowing that they are a bunch of ass holes. You will one day not doubt what you feel to be right.

Discerning they were/are assholes was not a slow process by any means, kilroy. I have no doubts about my decision to leave. My problem is similar to this example people give:

When someone really irritates you and you go off and have a really bad day because of it, you need to think about the person who ruined your day....they never gave it another thought so why should you let it ruin your day when they were the asshole!

I understand this theory and that's what frustrates me, when I keep letting them ruin my day when they continue along their merry way destroying lives. I know I have to get over this and often ask myself why I keep hanging onto it since it hurts me and does nothing to them. I am going to work through it though!

Spectre

I have seen/heard of things like these. I sometimes wonder if stuff like this happens because of how isolated witness kids are. Limited association, no dating until one is ready to be married, even then all the chaperones rules and regulations. But then again it is Jehovahs perfect organization, right? everyone everywhere should all easily fit into the proper mold.

Just my thoughts on the subject. In no way should anything like this be excused, but witness kids aren't brought up in a normal healthy social environment at all.

GoingGoingGone

I am going to work through it though!

You go girl!

GGG

Sheepish

Hi Twinflame,

My heart breaks for you and I am enraged all at once! I don't know what I would have done had I found that out. Probably something pretty awful and off the wall. It is one of the awfulest things I can think of: the molesting of innocents.

Here's my input for what it is worth:

There is a difference between a young boy engaging in this and a grown man.So many of these guys had it done to them as a child, and just compulsively repeat the pattern. It is a horrible kind of sin, that brings shame, and that society thinks is the lowest of the low. A horrible burden to carry your whole life I am sure. A kid his age wasn't as responsible as a full grown man. (But he is responsible-just had no way of knowing how really really awful it was).) I don't think "allowing" masterbation would have kept this from happening. First cause he was probably doing that anyway, and secondly, if he knew that was verboten, surely he knew touching a child's private parts was wrong as well.

What I know is, that you have to first, forgive yourself. For what you may, or may not have done.Do the hard work that lady Lee has shared with you. It will help! Get professional help if you can.

Then, as a start,at least say the words that you forgive the boy .Forgiveness like love, is a decision you can make.You may not feel like it, but make the effort. The feelings may follow.And there may great freedom.

I tell you this with a true life story. A family member was continuously abused as a child by their Grandfather. So was his sister. As adults, they went to the grandfather's death bed, and she spit on him, and told him he would burn in hell (not JWS!) and she was glad he was dying and she would never, ever forgive him. Her brother said, what you did to us was wrong and sick and I have hated you for it, but I forgive you, cause if I don't, you win! You still have a hold over me, and I am free now, and you are going to die and answer for what you did! (On a side note, they both went and danced on his grave-honestly!) The sister ended up in and out of a mental institutions, the brother is happy and pretty well adjusted with a family of his own.This is not a made up story. He credits his mental health with being able to forgive the sick old man and leave him to God. And this guy was not a religious guy!

My point is, your forgiveness heals you.

I hope and pray the very best for you and your daughter. It is never to late to get help and healing!

twinflame

Interesting comments, Sheepish. I'll have to think over what you said because it immediately put up a huge wall to even consider forgiveness. Not that you are wrong....I just have to digest it a while. And even though he was a teen when he did the molesting, at 31 he still feels justified....different story for me.

I really appreciate your kind thoughts and imput though.

Lady Lee

I have a very different take on this forgiveness thing.

I don't believe it is necessary to forgive (as in wiping away their hurt to you) an abuser.

I do think we need to deal with the anger that comes from what they did. The anger only hurts us and does nothing towards the abuser.

Especially if the abuser does not acknowledge the hurt they inflicted then I would see no reason to forgive.

Even if an abuser acknowledged his crime I would not ever trust them again.

I believe our recovery is not dependant on anyone or anything else but the person who has been injured.

While there are people who believe forgiving the abuser is essential to recovery, there are many who believe the opposite. I think each person has to decide for themself what will work for them.

I have forgiven some of my abusers. But I will never ever forgive others. Those are the ones that God gets to decide.

twinflame

Amen to that Lady Lee. That has been the entire grounds for my struggle....how do you forgive someone who blatantly justifies a terrible wrongdoing? I would feel much differently if he was cut to the heart by what he did and acknowledged his mistake. If it makes me un-Christian in some people's eyes because I can't/won't forgive....so be it. There are two sides to this equation.

I truly appreciate your viewpoint in the matter. It makes me feel much better.

Elder Abuse and Special Committees

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