What Decisions Did You Make Only Because You Were A Witness?

by minimus 37 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  alamb

  1. I hid my participation in school business teams and when I won, I couldn't go to the award ceremonies and receive "worldly recognition."

  2. Gave back a full scholarship to college to pioneer.

  3. Refused to have my name put in the halls of my school for achievements.

  4. Couldn't eat Lucky Charms.

  5. Made my three children sit through 5+ hours a week of teachings in the name of saving them. My eldest couldn't walk or crawl until 15 months because I was a pioneer and she was either in her carseat or a Kingdom Hall chair. A nice neighbor pointed out that my child never actually "hit the ground" so was unable to learn like a "normal" baby. That's very painful to admit. But I do have the timesheet of pioneer hours to justify neglecting my own child.

  6. Married someone I didn't love. There were only 3 available JW men in the state. Turned down alot of good guys because of religion only.

  7. Didn't turn my father and another elder in to authorities for molesting me because I had told the elders and "they would handle it."

  and more, but I better stop before I am more disgusted.
• 

  Spectre

  If I had supportive parents I could have been an artist or an architect. My mom and step-dad wanted me to finish high school back in 1984, but why bother? "the end of the world is right around the corner." Fortunately, I eventually went to college and got some education but in the late teens and early 20's is really the time in which it should be done.
• 

  enosant

  This is indeed a BIG question!! The regrets and missed opportunities and misspent youth are legion!
  
  hilbilly - I feel for you man! To be top class and have your talents go unrealised. Maybe you didn't get to join the navy, but I'm sure you can find some comfort in the fact that few good men get the chance to even be *considered* for it, let alone offered a place, all expenses paid! Ah, the uniforms!
  
  dezpbem - said
  The worst was not being allowed to have friends. I felt this overwhelming feeling of loneliness. I still feel that loneliness to this day.
  
  Same here man, having lost all the JW friends, you find that you can't bring yourself to let others get too close, even pushing them away (old habbit dying hard). I find I'm still finding myself doing that now. Do you find yourself dong that too? Collecting a large number of acquiantances, that you keep a 'safe' distance away, always finding some excuse not to spend time with them?
  
  I got to watch other people have sex (ehr...not really "watch", hehe) and date while I had to ignore potential girlfriends. I didn't go to any proms or graduation trips in my life, urghhh!Again, ditto! Nevermind potential girlfriends, what about dead cert sex? Imagine gettting through college and 4 years at uni and still end up a virgin at 24 (joung'un out there beware)! Felt like Clark in Smallville, except ... powerless and the abstinence had no redeeming virtue!
  
  Ok, so here's my shortlist:
  
  - Turning down football (soccer - I was quite good at it) scouts at 14, because I was a few months away to baptism and all the extra-curricular activities and worldly association is clearly arked undesirabled
  
  - Not pursuing the logical conclusion of my doubts from before baptism, even after having had inconclusive discussions with the district overseer on the matter. These same doubts led me to leave 14yrs later, D'oh!
  
  - No sex or fooling around through college or uni. Thought that needed repeating 'cos for a full blooded male that kinda sucks (pardon the expression)
  
  - Turning down a PhD and grant in the leading engineering department of a top UK university (Imperial College) simply because who wants a career in a world which in the mts literature was described as a building marked for demolition, and so why would anyone want to work there?
  
  - Going along with a marriage arrangement (despite voicing my reservations) with someone I had nothing in common and 'friends' in the cong put together in 2 weeks (yep two mfk'ing weeks from the first kiss, can you believe it? Hardly time to get my bearings!! - Aww bless! They thought they were doing us a favour, because at the preceding dist. conv. [91] it was announced those surviving single at armag were gonna live like angels and not marry, so we would miss out on all the sex!!) So they were simply being helpful and silly dingo here wasn't forceful enough in saying no and have it heard!
  
  - oh, brain is hurting, can't think of any more!
  
  enosant
• 

  minimus

  I thought having Osh Kosh for kids might be wrong because it stood O God or somethin'/
• 

  Lady Lee

  1. got baptized (wouldn't have done this because I was baptized as a baby)
  2. quit school - (well my mother forced me to do that one)
  3. get married (maybe not that one either because my mother forced that one too)
  4. shunning others - yeah I would never have done that if it wasn't for the JWs
  5. OK here's the big one === committed adultery. Yes I did. I was separated from my husband and he still insisted on conjugal visits. After I did the deed and finally told him, he wanted to forgive me and for us to get back together. NO WAY IN HELL was I going back. I had my "right" to a divorce and I got it. I'm not proud of it. And wish there had been some other way to get him to leave me alone. But it worked. And I would never ever considering doing that again. The damage to my self-esteem was enormous.
• 

  dezpbem

  Hey Enosant,

  That was an interesting story.

  you find that you can't bring yourself to let others get too close, even pushing them away (old habbit dying hard). I find I'm still finding myself doing that now. Do you find yourself dong that too? Collecting a large number of acquiantances, that you keep a 'safe' distance away, always finding some excuse not to spend time with them?

  Yep, same here. I've been working at that one a while. Interesting story...wanna drive yourself batty trying to develope friendships? Let me give you the instruction manual! In the past few years i've had several ex-jw friends.Trouble is they have the same "push you away" pattern going on! So I would put time into hanging out with them, being there on the phone to hear their problems and help them through it, all that good stuff. Only to find that because of their issues with this they would push our friendship away since I would be getting too close. Or they would get paranoid that you were up to no good and out to get them since you were so concerned and helpful. It can be real hard to make deep friendships with other ex-jw's if it's more than internet contact. I mean REAAALL hard, LOL!!!! I'll still make friends with other ex-jw's, don't get me wrong. But I won't be as quick to go all out and be the "i'm really there for you" true friend. It hasn't proven worth it. I've even had some bad mouth me after helping them like no one ever helped them before. Give too much and it tends to backfire on you. Anyone else have anything like this?

  I said

  I got to watch other people have sex (ehr...not really "watch", hehe) and date while I had to ignore potential girlfriends.

  You responded

  Imagine gettting through college and 4 years at uni and still end up a virgin at 24...

  No sex or fooling around through college or uni. Thought that needed repeating 'cos for a full blooded male that kinda sucks ...

  I'm wondering how did the women out there feel about going through this? All the sexual repression, no worldly dates, no boyfriends, etc. How was it being a "full blooded" female and living through that? As bad for you as for us? Did any of you (male or female) kind of go nuts with the dating thing after you left to make up for lost time?
• 

  enosant

  ALamb, oh sweet lamb!
  
  A pain gripped my heart when I read your post. What you sacrificed to be a pioneer was bad enough and marrying someone you didn't love (ditto), but your last comment ... Out of all the terrible things that could happen within a congregation, this must be the last that I would have expected. I mean seriously? That's until yesterday that is, when I saw the article on the BBC Panorama program Suffer the Little Children (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/panorama/855727.stm) and simply couldn't believe it!
  
  I know of someone in my former cong. that suffered in that way, but I only heard rumours and thought that it must have been outside the 'truth'. I get the feelig I might have been wrong about that.
  
  The things these elders get away with and the gov. body's attitude towards this serious issue. Children are sacred - religion or no. How can supposedly god fearing people do such things and then cover it up! Have they no conscience? Did they think that god would simply brush it aside on account of repentance, even if repentance there was?
  
  I have memories of being sexually assualted when I was little myself and now I have a little daughter and the thought that something of that nature happening to her just make my blood boil! Her mum keeps telling me not to be so paranoid. Yeah, right!
  
  For what its worth, little lamb, I am sorry. Men are pigs. Even if sometimes we manage to hide the snorts and disguise the smell ...
  
  
  enosant
• 

  dedpoet

  1. Gave up a good job to wash windows and pioneer

  2. Limited contact with my relatives on the advice of the elders

  3. Threw out half my record collection because it wasn''t "suitable" music for a jw to listen to

  4. Stopped seeing a woman I truly loved because she didn't want the lie
• 

  Scully

  5. Didn't pursue a relationship with someone very meaningful, because he was not a Witness

  Being "unavailable" sucked. I passed up on some really nice decent Worldly™ guys when I was younger. My parents freaked when a really amazing fellow wanted to take me for a day at an amusement park - just some nice good clean fun. They said "We can't support this and won't be going to any wedding that isn't in a Kingdom Hall." As if a couple of dates meant that a wedding was bound to happen! It was so painful to have to decline.

  I gave up college the first time around. The Elders™ made it clear that I would be DFd if I did my 6-week hematology internship with the Red Cross. My parents made it clear that I would be kicked out of the house if I got DFd. The choice was basically made for me.

  Avoided making Worldly™ friends.... what was the point if they were just going to be destroyed "real soon now"...
• 

  dezpbem

  Scully

  Lol! I'm new to the forum. I had to laugh when I saw you put "tm" next to "Elder" and "Worldly"....

  BWAHAHaahahaahahhaaha!!!!!!!

  That was great!

  Lady Lee wrote

  2. OK here's the big one === committed adultery. Yes I did. I was separated from my husband and he still insisted on conjugal visits. After I did the deed and finally told him, he wanted to forgive me and for us to get back together. NO WAY IN HELL was I going back. I had my "right" to a divorce and I got it. I'm not proud of it. And wish there had been some other way to get him to leave me alone. But it worked. And I would never ever considering doing that again. The damage to my self-esteem was enormous.

  Whoah. That is a harsh thing to go through. That's the first time i've heard of that situation. It's kind of the reverse of a usual situation of adultery. You did it to get out of the relationship. I'm sorry to hear of the harsh effect it had on your self-esteem. How did you get over that?