Divided Household

by pratt1 14 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Sheepish

  Religion was a constant battle in our home, which is so sad cause I think my parents would have had a good marriage without this problem . But my mom promised to raise the kid jewish, until after they were married and had kids, and she felt she had to teach us the "truth". So she did it in secret. My dad found out and of course felt betrayed.

  My mother's father died when she was four, then my grandmother apparently married an acoholic. My grandmother was a JW (she died when I was four) but she was one of the old ones who picketed with sandwich signs on the streets of N.Y. Got thrown in jail and fed gruel with "mealy worms" in it. It all fed the martyrlike status. My mom "knew the truth" but didn't follow it until she married an unbeliever and had kids...bad timing!
• 

  Darth Yhwh

  My father is not a witness. My mother always tried to get him to come to memorial and other special meetings. Occasionally he would reluctantly come with us. My father pretty much supported my mother in her decision to raise us kids as JW's. There was never really a feeling of choosing one parent over another.

  I think that the local KH, especially the elders viewed me as fatherless. That didn't really motivate them to take me under their wings or any thing like that though.

  I too agree, that having an unbelieving father made it much easier to leave.
• 

  Mysterious

  I think divided household really depends on which parent it is. With such an emphasis on men being the "head of the household" not having a father "in the truth" makes people sneer and look down on you. I remember not being invited to a lot of things because of that.

  When I left the organization I became infinitely closer to my dad. We had a lot of long chats and we both share JWD now.

  My mother used to guilt trip me a lot to get me to try and force my dad into coming back to meetings. I know I must have broken his heart as a kid begging him to come.
• 

  Darth Yhwh

  My mother used to guilt trip me a lot to get me to try and force my dad into coming back to meetings.

  You know, I guess I really didn't want my dad to become a witness. I guess I just knew that the JW rules and regulations would be inforced all that much more if he was. My mother too would use guilt trips to try to manipulate us kids into asking him to join us at the meetings.
• 

  Jankyn

  I particularly resonated with the comment about feeling forced to choose between your parents. I feel like I was the bone and they were the dogs fighting over it. My dad was df'd when I was 8, so to the JWs, he was worse than an unbeliever.

  And I was told, at eight, that I could not love both Jehovah and my dad. "A man cannot serve two masters" was the scripture quoted to support this belief. My spiritual life collapsed when I lied at this point; I told them that I chose Jehovah...but I still loved my dad in my heart. That meant I was definitely going to die at Armageddon, because Jehovah can "read hearts."

  Fortunately, after years of therapy, I remember how painful this was rather than feeling it anew each time I think of it. And I have to say that I've got a much better relationship with my Dad than with any other family members; I feel like I'm making up for what I deprived him of when I was a child. Of course, my relationship with my mother is a mess.

  What's more, they're still married--going on 48 years. I suspect she stayed just to punish him.

  Jankyn