As I said, the elders were very happy to accept my request for reinstatement. I was almost like the proverbial prodigal son, having learned his lesson, and now finally coming back to the family, properly contrite and apologetic.
In a way I was, and in a way I wasn't.
I couldn't totally let go of the convictions I had about the WTS being wrong about 1975. But I also couldn't let go of the fundamental and needful reality of my life that this was the only way of life I had ever known!...and I had never developed any social skills to expand beyond the boundaries within which I had been raised: in fact, I was utterly scared of trying to do that, and had been more than a little (the "shyster" episode) convinced that worldly people were simply not to be trusted.
So, the elders' first question was "Have you stopped smoking?" Yes, I had.
Good enough.
The next, and most pertinent question was: "Do you now feel that the Faithful and Discreet Slave is the appointed servant of Jehovah?"
I had to struggle with how to answer that question. As I've said before, the primary reason for me coming back was for my friends and my family; my reservations about the WTS hadn't changed one whit. What was I to say?
I answered (and this is a quote that will never leave my memory): "I recognize the authority of the Watch Tower Society to dictate the doctrines of Jehovah's Witnesses."
Why they accepted that ambivalent answer is beyond me, but they did.
In the course of these events, the WTS reverted to its ultra-conservative posture regarding DFers: no contact whatsoever, except in case of extreme need.
One of the committee elders approached me at the District Assembly, just before I was about to be reinstated, and expressed his hope that this "tightening up" would not interfere with my desire to be reinstated. I assured him it wouldn't, as I sat there and stared at the Assembly and envisioned my desire to once again be a part of the community.
In those days, it was acceptable to congratulate people who had been reinstated. And when the announcement of my reinstatement was made (again, at the end of the Service Meeting, sop), and the applauses had died down, and the final prayer had been said: I stood at the back of the Kingdom Hall, as almost every one of my friends, and a few not-so-friends, waltzed by, shaking my hand, hugging me, some even kissing me--over an hour of "welcome backs."
I felt so good; perhaps the best night of sleep I'd ever experienced.
I'd finally recaptured that elusive feeling.
Perhaps it was all over?