Narkissos
JoinedI was born in a Catholic, but not very religious, French family. Attended a Catholic boarding school in the 60s and kept mostly unpleasant memories from it. When I was 9 my parents divorced, then my father and his second wife started *studying* with JWs. I was rather reluctant until I attended my first JW meeting, then suddenly I decided to join in. I was baptised as an overzealous JW at the age of 13. Only one year later I had started questioning everything, but this eventually led me to a crisis: I decided I couldn't live without God and started trying to run faster than my doubts. Left school at 16 and started *pioneering*. Became a special pioneer at 18 and joined Bethel at 21. Worked five years there as a translator.....................................................................I reached my turning point there, and looking back I can ascribe it to a number of *causes*. Living in the national headquarters of the organisation demystified it in my eyes. Translating the WT literature made me more conscious of its logical flaws. Studying the Biblical languages (which I did beside my work) made me less dependent on the NWT. Also, in Bethel I met many interesting young JWs, mostly *born-in,* who were way less *fanatical* than I had been, and I started getting interested in other things; especially, reading non-WT literature again (which I had not done since high school), mostly novels at first: Giono, Camus, Hermann Hesse in particular helped me think out of the JW box. Also, I had a couple of close friends there with whom I could speak and think quite freely................................................................. At some point I started reading the Greek NT all over again and it was quite a shock. I was overwhelmed by the Jesus figure(s) of the Gospels, the Pauline and Johannine christologies, etc. I realised that the whole focus of the WT literature (especially since the early 80s) did not correspond to mine. So I resigned from Bethel and asked to resume my pioneer service, half-naively hoping that I could focus better on what I understood to be *the essence of Christianity* this way.................................................................However I soon understood that the organisation would never let this happen and that I was heading to a final clash. It was extremely painful as the JWs were *my world*. I prayed not to be completely alone.................................................................I was eventually assigned to a Portuguese congregation in Paris with a close friend I had met in Bethel. It was a very interesting time since our preaching and teaching, within the organisation, was essentially *Biblical* -- we gradually dropped almost any use of WT literature. Next Memorial we both *partook*. A few weeks later we had the unexpected visit of two circuit overseers and were summoned to meet with them and the local elders, at first only because we were *talking too much about Jesus* (sic). This led to a couple of Judicial Committees where we separately had to answer a list of doctrinal questions. Within a few days we both were disfellowshipped for *apostasy*.............................................................We got in touch with Evangelical churches in the next few weeks. I settled in a moderate church in Paris and, the next fall, I was offered the opportunity to study theology in an Evangelical college. However I had become a bit wary about being financially dependent of a religious organisation and I chose to work part-time in the college library to pay for my studies. That happened to be a good choice because it soon became evident that I wouldn't fit in Evangelical theology either. I was quickly classified *liberal* -- even though my main reference back then was Karl Barth; but I also delighted in discovering the thought of other theologians, ancient and modern, from the Greek Fathers to Paul Tillich or Eberhart Jungel, and philosophers, from the pre-Socratic to Nietzsche............................................................................After that time of study and conflict -- less personally dramatic -- I had to come back to the Bible. I was asked to coordinate an edition project by the French Bible Society, including the thorough revision and annotation of a classical French Protestant translation. This work on the texts, over the years, led me away from systematic theology and further into Biblical criticism -- along with my personal taste for philosophy. .........................................................................Where do I stand now? Definitely out of any church, an odd kind of *religious atheist* I suppose.