Far Away

Cori

Hello Everyone,

Just an update on my situation at home with my wife. After reading CoC, and after the counsel from some on this board, I have decided to wait, and not go full head on with a religious discussion with my wife. As I had mentioned, she is not an active witness (we dont go to the meetings or in service), and even recently discussed our daughter's birthday. (it ended with her just laughing about it, but atleast we discussed what we would do if we had a celebration. Its a start)

Lately, I have been considering, maybe moving is a good option for us. We have considered it before, for other family issues that have arisen in the past. So she is definitely open to the idea. I love the smalltown areas, and shes welcome to them too, so we have been considering a couple of places. Last night we did a quiz online, where based on your tastes and personality, it would find several places that could be fit to move to. We were having a good time with the quiz, when she asks me:

"Do you think there are brothers in some of these areas?" I was too stunned to answer, of course I didnt want to find the local cong. She went on, "They probably have to travel alot to go to the meetings." I just nodded my head, and we finished the quiz. I was so disappointed. It has been weeks since anything JW has come up, why now when we talk of moving?? I think maybe im overreacting, but its just I want to leave all this JW stuff behind, but I know that I wont be able to start until she onboard. And that could be a long time...who knows

Just needed to vent. Thanks for listening (or reading)

Cori

Legolas

I don't know, but this might be a good time to come clean and just say that you want to move to have a fresh start away from anything JW related!

Is your wife a 'beat around the bush' type of person, or would she like you to say what you fell? If you don't know, then ask her just that!

Cori

Thanks Legolas

The thing is, I have tried this approach before and it backfired on me, badly. She always tells me to be upfront with her about how I feel, I just dont want the same issues from before to come up again...

TheListener

This can be a trying time. You know you want out physically and you are definitely out mentally. But, your spouse only sees the physical aspect of it. It can be frustrating to your mate to see what is happening but not understand why it is happening.

Although many times they don't want to really hear why you're acting the way you are. Yes, they say they want you to be up front about your feelings but if you try to discuss anything doctrinal they shut down.

IMHO you need to become comfortable with the fact that your spouse may never leave the truth fully. She may always be a fence sitter. That leaves open the possibility of her returning after some great future crisis (either in your personal lives or the world in general). Of course, it also leaves it open for her to soften her stance on certain issues as well.

Just something I've learned on my journey: As a person fades from the truth, whether the fade is intentional or not, they have setbacks; just like any addiction that is being overcome. Don't let her setbacks complete freak you out.

My spouse will miss several meetings in a row and seem totally fine with it (due to illness of some sort) and then all of a sudden get a spurt of spiritualness and get gung ho for a week or two. Expect it. I believe it's driven by FOG (fear obligation and guilt).

Cori

I know exactly what you mean, my wife goes through the same thing. We could be fine for awhile, not going to the meetings. late dinners on TMS night, going shopping Sunday morning...and then all of the sudden, shes begging me to accompany her to a meeting. I think your right about the FOG....

ocsrf

I know exactly what you mean, my wife goes through the same thing. We could be fine for awhile, not going to the meetings. late dinners on TMS night, going shopping Sunday morning...and then all of the sudden, shes begging me to accompany her to a meeting. I think your right about the FOG....

Wow, you must be my clone, I could not of phrased it better for us than this.

OC

Cori

Oc, is that right?? So many of us are in the same position...How have you handled the situation?? Its making me nuts!! I know to keep the peace, but I just want out, and wish she would want the same thing

Legolas

What does she know about the society?

Does she know about the UN scandal and 587 not 607?

Cori

I have talked to her about the UN scandal before, but not the 587 date...I might just introduce that into a conversation...

But How???

Cori of the Desperately trying to convince Wife class

atypical

You never know, maybe when she was wondering how far the brothers travel to the kingdom hall, it was because she was considering how much you might be left alone if she did not go to meetings. Anybody, even a diehard witness, could readily see that it would be much easier to slip away in a new town, especially if the territory was much bigger and more seldom worked.

Maybe she is actually considering not going to meetings and trying to figure out how easy it would be. Just a thought.

Far Away

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