Attention: Former Elders (page 3)

garybuss

Sheepish, How's your strategy working for you?

My mother and brother fanatically shunned me for years. When I was reinstated, I wrote a letter to my brother, I said alot of things but basically I told him that I got reinstated for the ones that did NOT shun me (my sister in law) and not for the ones that did. That I would never invite that kind of pain back into my life again, if they could do it once, they could do it again.

I told my mother the same thing.

I have gained so much from being disfellowshipped, so many new friends, and family, I don't need that kind of conditional love anymore.

Jez

outoftheorg

Sheepish, I do not know Garry as we have never met. But I must say that I also share his feelings on this shunning issue.

I look at it this way. This cult caused my siblings to shun me. The cult demands that my siblings shun me or face cult action against them. They and my siblings try to make me believe that this is due to my "wrong conduct".

My siblings were not the target nor did they receive this "wrong conduct". My wrong conduct was disagreeing with the cult about my daughters molestation by an elder and my subsequent anger at the cult.

I really have not sinned or broken any social rules regarding my siblings. Why are they punishing me?

Is this to be short lived or life long? Is it correct or incorrect actions from my siblings?

Do I spend the rest of my life feeling grief and sadness due to my siblings conduct. Why would I let a neighbor bring this into my life. I would never do that.

Why should I allow my siblings to do to me what I would never let anyone else do? I would DETATCH from my neighbor, why endure this from unloving relatives.

Do we try to please the hateful neighbor and hope for some kindness down the road? NO we might call the police, go to court, or move away.

The human mind can only deal with emotional and mental tyranny for a while before we begin to suffer emotionally and physically.

Why would I want this emotional turmoil and sadness in my life?

The word detatch is one of the most used words in psychology, because removing ourselves from situations like this Is one of the most dealt with problems the psychs see in people.

Detatching and moving along in life and living a good and successful life is one of the most effective ways of letting the relatives or others see you are happy, healthy, pleasant, helpful, honest and none of the things the cult scares them with.

Everything we do and your relatives do has to have some kind of payback for us or we would not do it, unless we are mentally weak.

When your relatives see that their shunning is not affecting you, they lose some of their payback.

AS long as you allow them to hurt you, they are getting their payback of "superiority".

You know what that is. The brother holier than thou syndrome.

But we each and all have to do our own searching and decissions. So I wish you the best.

Outoftheorg

MsMcDucket

After I wrote this post, I had to go to work. I work 12 hour shifts on nights. So, that's why I haven't responded. All I can say is that I miss my daughters. I feel that they need help to get extracted from this cult, but I have no idea on how to go about doing it. These people are totally controlling their minds. To me if like trying to get your child out of a gang. The children have so much to lose. I don't want them to waste their lives away in this religion. I feel that I have to fight for my children's lives. They are only 18 years old. This is supposed to be a fun time in their lives. They shouldn't be worried about dying at Armageddon. I don't want them to waste their youth being a dub. I guess that they could have chosen a worse path, but at least, it would have been their choice. They don't even realize that they are brainwashed. As a parent, I can't turn my back on them.

I'm sleepy, so I'm going to bed.

Thanks for the responses.

Sheepish

Sheepish, How's your strategy working for you?

Well actually, my sister (who once shunned me) has told me to my face that,"at least you are living out what you believe."

Don't get me wrong, I don't think you should spend lots of time around them, or even seek them out. but occasions do come up, and I just think they should see you doing really well, and not feeling guilty or shamed.

My concern is for them. I think they are as misled or deceived as I was. I want to help them get free if I can.I know it won't be easy, but I don't want to become hateful and unloving because some of them are. Then they win! They have once again captured my soul.

garybuss

Thanks for the answer Sheepish,
We have a very different starting point and very different goals so we would necessarily need to have a different approach.
My concern is for me and my family. I have no concern for them. In fact I advocate to their detriment. They never get to see me having a good life because they never get a chance to see me. I could care less what they think or IF they think.
I don't see them as deluded, I see them as willfully evil. When I was with them, I knew the difference between right and wrong and I chose wrong just like they are choosing to be nasty.
I disassociated from them and I changed my ways and I started to make amends. I quit associating with them 31 years ago and I have been seeking sages and quiet paths to walk since 1991. I have no problem with anybody who holds me responsible for my own behaviors. I should be responsible for my behaviors. I accept my past and I accept my present. Jehovah's Witnesses, by their behaviors towards me and my family have identified themselves as my enemies. They will be treated like enemies. My family can't stand any more assaults by the Witness people.

Sheepish

Hi Gary, I really understand where you are coming from, and you're right, "comin' from different places."

I am at the place where I don't really miss them much, unless I give it a lot of thought.

I was very sincere when I was a witness. I went to great pains to be loving and inclusive, and fair and all the things we were taught to be (although I guess I was in a small group who really did it!). That is not to say I didn't do anything I was ashamed of, but I am pretty sure I would have done stuff like that no matter where I was, cause of immaturity on my part.

I didn't really know anyone who was disfellowshipped so I never had the "pleasure" of shunning anyone. I think a lot of people who join are sincere, at first...then they become like regular church goers; they figure they're safe in "God's organization", and they stop seeking and thinking, and just become club member. They then fall behind and feel inadequate, so they become hypocrites and whistle blowers, so as to keep the "heat" off themselves.

. I have seen a lot of really reprehensible behavior from Christendom Christians of all kinds...so it is not just the JWs. but it is a prime breeding ground for that kind of behavior.

I wish you well, and hope you and your family can heal. I'm hopin your anger is not seething all the time and just "righteous indignation" when the topic comes up, cause the other kind will kill you.

garybuss

Thanks for the reply again Sheepish,
You wrote: "I'm hopin your anger is not seething all the time and just "righteous indignation" when the topic comes up, cause the other kind will kill you." Are you seeing anger, or are you maybe seeing an aggressive, assertive, strong, person with boundaries? I've noticed many people who were integrated in the Witness group see all assertiveness as anger. I don't reward bad behavior. That's not anger, that's common sense. I don't like Jehovah's Witnesses people because they willfully harmed me and my family and I don't want them around. That's not anger, that's good thinking.

Sheepish

Gary, I'm glad it's not anger, sorry if I misinterpreted it...I haven't been "one" in 20 some years, and I have always been a bit of an assertive person myself, so that doesn't bother me. I know anger can be constructive, or even aggression as you say, so I am glad it's helping you. I do really understand how you feel.

Attention: Former Elders

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