The story of my life (part 16- Dazed, and then mundane)

by onacruse 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • onacruse
    onacruse

    In hardly 10 years, my psychical life had been destroyed, and then my soulical life had been demolished. I was a tatters of a man.

    I went to a psychiatrist...what a hopeless effort: at $150 an hour, I would've had to spend the next 10 years, and several hundreds of thousands of dollars, to "explain" to this man what I'd experienced. Even then, he wouldn't have been able to understand. I think he knew this too; so, he prescribed Xanax.

    In the midst of my financial woes, my Dad accepted my request to move back home...yes, once again, even though I was 30 years old, I had to abjectly fall back on the support of my family. Not a bad thing, really, but part and parcel of what I said in my last post: I'd lost my dignity. He gave me the very room in which I had spent so many nights reading Rutherford.

    This was the early 80s, and a deep recession had gripped the US, so for the next 2 years my brother and I traveled to San Francisco and Seattle, doing commercial construction. I drank like a fish, started smoking again, and did a repeat of Mountain Farm: hardly a meeting, and no service. It just wasn't in me.

    Somehow, I gradually shook that fog of pain; don't ask me how, or why--to this day, I can't explain it. Maybe just the indefatuigeable desire to live.

    One night, I mentioned to my Mom that I sorta desired some female companionship; not in a sexual way (masturbating can be quite self-satisfying), but as a companion, a soulmate, someone who might understand what I'd been through. It just so happened that Mom and Dad had studied with a young lady (about my age) who'd recently been divorced from her MS husband (he'd also committed adultery against her). She suggested that we might just be a match for each other.

    And we were. She had a son and daughter, from each of her two previous marriages, and we felt like equally disappointed, and hoping and searching, souls, just simply longing for some happiness in life, some small vestige of what a husband and wife should have together, with their family.

    My Dad married us, at his home, with a couple of dozen of our friends.

    For the next 10 years, I focused on fixing the house, raising the kids, becoming "acceptable" in the congregation.

    I just wanted some predictability, some kind of "this is normal" life. I thought I'd almost achieved it.

    Damn, I tried so hard to make it happen.

  • tall penguin
    tall penguin

    onacruse,
    You are a wonderful writer. And a wonderful soul. Thank you so much for sharing your story here. I look forward to hearing more.
    tall penguin

  • AuldSoul
    AuldSoul

    Craig, this is just what I need. Thank you, again. I know you are putting yourself through tortures getting this out, it is DEEPLY appreciated.

    AuldSoul

  • heathen
    heathen

    Jeezus , you put yourself through another ten years of that BS ? I guess you found yet another good christian wife ......... NOT , can't wait to find out how you lost that one ....

  • Legolas
    Legolas

    I so enjoy reading your story!

    I too think you are a wonderful writer! Looking forward to part 17!

  • crazycate
    crazycate

    Thank you for sharing.

    Cate

  • crazycate
    crazycate

    It occurs to me to wonder...what became of the elder and your ex? Dave implied they were untouched by their conduct? If they were still in when you returned, did you have to deal with them? Did you have to see them at assemblies? How did you cope with that? I hope this isn't too personal.

    Cate

  • onacruse
    onacruse



    Cate:

    It occurs to me to wonder...what became of the elder and your ex? Dave implied they were untouched by their conduct? If they were still in when you returned, did you have to deal with them? Did you have to see them at assemblies? How did you cope with that? I hope this isn't too personal.

    No, not at all...your question is right to the point of why I would post this little story of mine.

    This elder, he knew how to play the "game." He told my wife (and I was told this by the elder who came over and told me that the infidelity was true)...he told her (my wife) that "One year (yes, just one year!) of attending meetings, and faithfully being at the reinstatement meetings, and we'll be home free."

    Based on her encouragement to meet with this guy, I so did, though very reluctantly, meet him, and he offered the expected apology...and then proceeded to vilify me as the "husband who lost his wife."

    That's exactly how it played out. They "did their thing."

    He presented to the DF committee that he had done his obligatory "apology," and after their one year, they were reinstated. I was never again approached by any elder, by any of the elders on any of these committees, in any effort to explain the bizarre nature of these events.

    So much for the "righteousness" of WTS by-law.

    There was a confrontation: After I'd met my new bride-to-be, we crossed paths with my ex-wife and ex-elder-friend at the back of an Assembly Hall (Woodburn). There were several dozen people who stood back, breathless, waiting for me (as I felt), to punch this guy in the face, hard and cold.

    I extended my hand, as a Christian.

    We all then just went to lunch.

  • onacruse
    onacruse

    heathen:

    Jeezus , you put yourself through another ten years of that BS ?

    It doesn't end there.

    If anything, I hope that my "story" will offer a small example of for, in my case, how seemingly impossibly difficult it can be to explain....

    the inexplicable behavior of us human beings.

  • crazycate
    crazycate

    I can't even begin to imagine what it was like for you to go through all this. "I'm sorry!" seems so lame. On a different point, however, this is exactly the kind of "justice" that has driven me to question much of what I used to believe. I've seen both sides...people who got away with "murder," and people who were punished, not necessarily for what they did, but for who (whom?) they offended (or didn't obey). You seem happy now. I'm glad.

    Cate

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