Showing Self Control

Cori

We spent some time at the in-laws this past weekend (they are very serious JW’s) and I literally became sick to my stomach. My wifes father is an elder, and he was having a conversation with another elder there visiting. They were talking about certain ones that had left the truth years ago, and were now participating in sinful practice (I almost laughed when I heard that) Of course they meant holidays and such. The other elder was like, "why cant we just disfellowship them?" My FIL answered that a long time had gone by. This elder was very adamant that he just felt that they should be punished. I almost puked all over him. He was making me sick. Also, my daughters birthday was on Sunday, and my wife kept joking to everyone that we were having a birthday party. Her mom said, "I’ll bring the piñata and the elder" she laughed, but we just stared at her. Dumb joke. Then my MIL kept asking if we were going to the meeting on Sunday. I kept answering "We don’t know" but she kept on, and even found us extra magazines for the study. Even my wife was getting irritated, I could tell. We couldn’t leave there sooner!!!

How does those that are fading handle the visits with family or in-laws that are still JW? How do you contain the constant need to blow up and answer everything they are spewing??

BTW, Sunday came around, and we went to breakfast in the morning….missed the meeting without a hint of regret. Later her mother was calling, asking why we didn’t go. I didn’t hear the answer my wife gave her, but she didn’t look guilty afterwards….OMG!!

Cori

carla

Why don't you make a deal with them? tell them you will go to a meeting if they can prove 1914/1919 or give you reasons for all the flip flops, why are they the fds, UN, 586/607, etc... using sources other than the wt's? Heck, even using the bible would suffice!

daystar

I'm not fading, I'm long gone. But I don't have to worry about biting my tongue. My family who are still JW don't seem to want to bring anything up to me. I can guess that they don't feel like being blown out of the water.

dedpoet

I wish I'd never joined the wts, but one thing I am thankful for is that I have no family in there. I can't imagine what it must be like seeing still - believing family when you;ve seen through the bs. I feel for anyone in that situation, but I sure don't envy them

mrsjones5

Yep I can relate to what you're saying Cori. Many a time I have been subject to my mother talking to another jw about me with me in the room like I wasn't there. I dont stand for it now, and will embarass my mother if I have too and really don't care what the other jw thinks.

Josie

Cori

Its more of the subtle instigation that bothers me...For instance, we were talking on how smart and funny our 2 year old daughter is. I was saying that she is really into books and that I want to make sure she gets into reading and school. They began saying that now was the time to teach her, when she can absorb God's laws, the best education she could receive was in the publications and the bible....I wanted to yell, is this according to the bible or the JW's, but I didnt I just nodded.

mrsjones5

Yeah sometimes it's best to let some of the silly things they say wash over you like water and go on and do what you feel is best for your kids.

TheListener

OMG

Dealing with inlaws can be maddening. Especially if you're fading alone and you're wife is caught in the middle. Loyalty to her husband who's fading on one hand and loyalty to Jehovah and her parents on the other. OMG again!!

Every visit is like walking on broken glass. You may or may not get cut. But it's still painful.

I bite my tongue and answer what they expect to hear when I must. My spouse seems satisfied with not letting them in on my current situation with fading. Of course, once they leave her guilt spews out at me for a day or two.

AHHHhhhhh the price of the fade.

pc

I too can relate. When I taked to my dad(85yrs old & MS they are desperate) I can barely take it. The unfortunate thing is I really love my dad, but I almost don't want to talk to him anymore. We have nothing to say to each other. I tell him all about my kids and what they are doing and he listens and then it always goes back to "the end of the world" (a REM song just popped into my head "It's the end of the world .....") BLAH, BLAH.

I have such seriuos saddness because I think sometimes of what might have been. All he cares about are the stupid"friends" and basically we mean nothing because we don't return to Jehobah. Sometimes I think I have really "disfellowshipped" him instead of what could be the other way around. How sad..pc

Hope this didn't go off post, just how I'm feeling today.

googlemagoogle

i'm almost in the same boat, only my wife is also a mostly believing JW...

the longer you fade, the better an actor you become. and the more control over you'r stomach you get. i now can sit through a meeting without feeling like vomiting. well, almost.

when i'm invited by my family or other JWs, i simply keep quiet when the org topic comes up (it always does...). i sometimes throw in some words that don't get me into an argument. i can even say the prayer before the meal (if they knew i'm an atheist!). and i think i perform better prayers now than ever before.

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