I have absolutely no guilt at leaving the WTS and its 'teachings'. I have guilt for having raised my children as JWs even though fortunately, none of them stayed in. I just feel they went through so much BS and missed out on so much. Anger stays with me; I think because my husband is still very active. It's hard to let something go and put it behind you when you're faced with it on an almost daily basis.
Has Depression & Anger Lessened Since You've Stopped Attending Meetings?
by minimus 25 Replies latest jw friends
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tall penguin
I'm fresh out having only disassociated 3 months ago. So I'm feeling angry and depressed as a result of the healing process.
Aside from that, I actually feel hope. A new emotion. I am looking forward to a future that is filled with possibility and wonder. I like that. A lot.
tall penguin -
Finally-Free
I never knew how to "hate" until I became a JW. I was taught to "hate what was bad" which means everything not controlled by the watchtower. I was perpetually angry when I was a JW. Now that I'm out, there was never any guilt, but I was angry at the watchtower and at myself for some time. Mostly the anger is gone, but talking to a JW for a few minutes is usually enough to get me going again. As long as I shun them I'm fine.
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mariposa
I can honestly say that the depression now is not near what it was when I was active. For the last three years (before I found these boards ),I had been wanting to go back to meetings, etc. and it has been a nightmare. Constantly dogging yourself and thinking you had better get your act together before the big A, and then that makes you feel worse!
Recently I feel more anger that I missed out on doing alot of things. And sometimes pretty angry at myself for believing it all in the first place. And I'm still having problems with feeling guilty, but I'm a newby so time will tell.
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blondie
Yes, very much and that is in spite of the WT Review I do here on JWD every week.
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GoingGoingGone
Yes, absolutely.
I think the whole process of exiting has phases, and ups and downs, but it moves towards healing and the closer one gets, the better one feels, generally speaking. Some days I feel so happy and hopeful about the future... I was always afraid of Armageddon, too, and just knew that I wasn't good enough, should have been doing more, etc. Not being afraid of Armageddon anymore and being able to look forward to the future was amazing! But other days I still get depressed over the fact that my husband is still in, that we can't talk, and that I will never have a 'normal' marriage as long as he is a JW. Or the fact that I can't be with my friends for fear of them bringing up the dreaded 'What can I do to help you get back to meetings?' questions....
All in all, though, I am happier now than I can ever remember being in my life.
GGG
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NeonMadman
I threw away my Zoloft after I left the borg - I had been on 100 mg a day for years. Although I'm sure my ex moving out had something to do with it too...
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toby888
Having been officially DA'd for a brief time I am happy to say with some talk therapy I have been able to decrease the number of my anxiety attacks caused by the WT mental poison of phobia implantations. I am now beginning to feel a deep seated hatred for this evil organization... but unlike the GB and the WTS in general I will not permit my hate to get the better of me, causing me to turn into a self-righteous judgemental hate monger. I will instead with help move on to more productive spheres.
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minimus
Neon, I LOVE hearing how exes no longer need mads to function simply because they got out.
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sass_my_frass
I'm coming off my anti-depressants! Slowly though, as I'm still attending meetings. If I stop playing that game I imagine I'll be free of them for life.