Welcome Peter,
I agree with Free that you could check out the links. I can also understand how hard it can sometimes be to get certain feelings and questions out when typing. My parents are from Poland, I am first generation American, and we are all bi-lingual. Many in my family are still learning English--my dad just made up his own mix of English and Polish . One thing my father has told me is that it is MUCH harder to express your thoughts in English on the computer than to just speak it. I never realized that until I talked to him on the computer. Anyway, I think your English is terrific!
I wish I could give you answers about the JW's but I myself am learning. After being raised as one, I just now am starting to read other materials that are not on their 'approved reading' list When I left the JW religion I was never baptized. While I can't offer you any real answers (sorry!), I would like to tell you that you are doing right by not getting baptized and by doing your own research. It is so important to decide for yourself, not let the Watchtower decide for you. You are right in thinking that for them to try to tell you not to read anything else but their work is a warning in itself. You are on the right track. Please give it time, there is information to be found. I agree with Free...post a specific topic and also, follow the links.
Kat