Hi! I'm new to posting here, but I've been lurking for awhile trying to find out more about the JW life, as I have a dear friend who is a JW, but there are many things I don't understand about him, and how he treats our friendship. I came right out and asked him once if it was true that he was not allowed to be friends with people outside of his religion, and he said "No, but we are encouraged to spend our time with "like-minded" people and that he had other friends besides me who weren't JW. We met at work and seemed to be very close, but I've always felt some aloofness. Last year he moved out of the country for a year, and was more distant, and though he is back in town now, that distance remains, and we have had little contact. After researching about JW's, and checking things out here, I'm still pretty much in the dark about the specific teachings and practices about "worldly" friends. I'm hoping some of you can enlighten me and please, be as specific as possible. Thanks, and good luck to all of you who are coping with becoming or being an ex-JW!
What are JW's taught about friendships with worldlies?
by Worldly 14 Replies latest jw friends
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AlmostAtheist
JW's are indeed told not to associate with non-JW's. It's based on several scriptures along the lines of 1 Corinthians 15:33 where it says something about bad associates spoiling useful habits. (Every JW -- especially the kids -- gets this verse drilled into their head like a freakin' gamma knife.)
I had a very close friend that wasn't a JW and it bugged me to no end. I never had him over to my house, nor went to his house. But we were friends at work and we emailed alot. I made a few token efforts to "witness" to him, but he was mainly just a friend, not a potential convert. (lucky for him!)
Your friend no doubt feels very conflicted in having you as a friend. On the one hand he likes you and thinks you're a good person. On the other hand, he expects his loving heavenly father to order your execution any day now. Tough spot to be in, eh?
Toward the end of an article at the watchtower site (http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/102190/reply.ashx) a father helping his drug-addicted son is said to have gotten "to know my brother's friends and the places that he frequented, and he began to reason with my brother that he neither needed drugs nor such friends."
The Watchtower invariably links non-JW friends with drugs, prostitution, and generally loose morals. The impression left in any JW mind is "if I don't want to get into drugs and other bad stuff, I better not have any 'worldly' friends". The term "worldly" for anything non-Jw just further cements this line of demarcation in their minds.
Good luck! Are you at all interested in trying to help your friend out of JW's? If so, you'll probably lose your friend. But if you succeed, you'd be giving him a great gift.
Dave
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Legolas
Welcome to the board!
Here is a few paragraphs from a Watchtower!
AVOID WRONG ASSOCIATION4
In connection with avoiding the badness of the world and associating with God’s people, the apostle Paul wrote: "Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership do righteousness and lawlessness have? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? . . . Or what portion does a faithful person have with an unbeliever? . . . For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said: ‘I shall reside among them and walk among them, and I shall be their God, and they will be my people.’ ‘"Therefore get out from among them, and separate yourselves," says Jehovah, "and quit touching the unclean thing,’" ‘"and I will take you in.’" ‘"And I shall be a father to you, and you will be sons and daughters to me," says Jehovah the Almighty.’" Notice the repeated advice about avoiding wrong association, ‘from these turn away,’ ‘get out from among them,’ ‘separate yourselves,’ and then ‘I will take you in.’ There is to be no partnership, no fellowship, no portion, no sharing with unbelievers. In other words, no association with them if one is to associate with God.—2 Cor. 6:14-18; Ezek. 37:27, RS; Isa. 52:11; Ezek. 20:41, RS.
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This does not mean, of course, that the dedicated Christian must isolate himself from all contact with this present system of things. In the course of his work, daily living and preaching he comes in touch with employer, fellow workers, business associates, family, neighbors and others. To avoid all contact would almost mean to get off the earth. (1 Cor. 5:10) But, to ‘turn away from such,’ to avoid association with them means not to have fellowship with those whose thoughts are not in harmony with God’s thoughts, that is, not to share in their thoughts or conduct. The thinking of materialistic-minded persons is not in harmony with God’s thinking. Even if such acquaintances are not dishonest or immoral, their first concern is not the worship and service of Jehovah. One who associates regularly with them will soon think as they do. Expose the mind to their thoughts and one’s faith in the new world will become weakened, zeal will be quenched, integrity will collapse, and the conscience will be dulled so that one does not take Jehovah’s requirements of study and service seriously. Useful habits of study and service that have been formed will be spoiled. It is this danger the apostle Paul considered when warning Christians against associating with those who had no hope in a resurrection and hence no real incentive to right conduct. "Do not be misled. Bad associations spoil useful habits. Wake up to soberness in a righteous way and do not practice sin, for some are without knowledge of God." (1 Cor. 15:33, 34) Why share the thoughts of those who have no knowledge of God and no concern about it?—Phil. 3:18, 19.
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Still there are those who think that they can allow themselves to seek association with worldly friends or relatives for entertainment. But how can a Christian ‘put away the old personality which conforms to his former course of conduct’ and ‘put on the new personality which was created according to God’s will in true righteousness’ by continuing to associate with those who still have deceptive desires? (Eph. 4:22-24) Rather, "do not become partners with them; for you were once darkness, but you are now light in connection with the Lord. Go on walking as children of light . . . Keep on making sure of what is acceptable to the Lord; and quit sharing with them in the unfruitful works which belong to the darkness." (Eph. 5:7-11) Peter also advised one to "live the remainder of his time in the flesh, no more for the desires of men, but for God’s will. . . . Because you do not continue running [or associating] with them in this course . . . they are puzzled and go on speaking abusively of you." We should be as aliens and temporary residents with respect to the conduct of this generation.—1 Pet. 4:2-4; 2:11, 12.
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The danger of wrong association was emphasized by Jehovah in his laws to the Israelites as they were getting ready to move into the Promised Land and thus come into nearer touch with the heathen Canaanites. "You must conclude no covenant with them nor show them any favor. And you must form no marriage alliance with them. Your daughter you must not give to his son . . . For he will turn your [children] from following me and they will certainly serve other gods." Israel’s history since that time is tragic proof of what happens when one violates this principle.—Deut. 7:2-4.
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If one holds to a good conscience, that is, keeps his conscience sensitized to Jehovah’s principles, then he could not enjoy association with this world. Remember how Lot felt when living in Sodom? We read that he "was greatly distressed by the indulgence of the law-defying people in loose conduct—for that righteous man by what he saw and heard while dwelling among them from day to day was tormenting his righteous soul by reason of their lawless deeds." (2 Pet. 2:7, 8) Though he lived there and preached to them, yet Lot neither shared their thoughts nor joined in their conduct; his soul was distressed and tormented by their conduct. If a Christian today enjoys association with this world and its thinking, then there is something wrong with his conscience. If his conscience is properly trained, it should be distressed by such fellowship. Also, if one’s conduct and conversation are such that worldly persons are glad to have one with them in their company, something is wrong with one’s conduct; for if one’s conduct and conversation were right, it should disturb their conscience because of reproving or condemning them.—1 Pet. 3:16; Eph. 5:11.
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One should never be deceived into thinking that by such association one is really helping other persons learn the truth. By sharing in the wrong thoughts and actions of worldly associates, one will never bring them to the truth, but such will likely take the believing one away from it. (1 Cor. 5:6) It is only when one demonstrates God’s thoughts in speaking and conduct, when one shares God’s thoughts with others, when one shares light with them that one can bring them out of darkness to light.—1 Pet. 2:9; Phil. 2:15, 16.
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But, some may ask, did not Jesus associate with despised sinners and tax collectors? Yes, but he did not do so to share in their thoughts and have fellowship with them in their conversation and conduct. He was there as Jehovah’s chief witness to share Jehovah’s thoughts with these persons. So today, Jehovah’s witnesses follow the same example. They do not isolate themselves by self-righteousness, as those mentioned by Isaiah, and say they are holier than others. They visit all kinds of people in their homes and on the streets and talk with them and hear what they are thinking about so that they can help them. But they do not partake of their thinking, nor do they share in their attitude. They have fellowship with light and want to share that light with others.—Luke 7:34; Isa. 65:5; Matt. 5:16.
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The position of the Christian servant of God might well be compared to that of a doctor who ministers to a superstitious, disease-ridden people in the jungle. Such a doctor will not hesitate to help these people, but he will never for a moment consider sharing the thoughts of his patients’ superstitious minds or having fellowship with them in their disease-breeding habits and unsanitary conditions. He does not want to share their disease; he wants to share his knowledge of healing and sanitary living habits with them. He wants to make them well, not to get sick himself; to instruct them in improving their conditions, not to corrupt his own clean living habits. So the Christian witness of Jehovah today will preach to men of all kinds to help them attain spiritual health, but never will he lower his standards and begin sharing the thoughts of this world.—Luke 5:30-32; Rev. 22:1, 2.
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Nellie
Welcome! I think Dave hit the nail on the head rather well. As a witness, we are told that "friendship with the world is emnity with God." I, however, could never accept this standard because I always thought that my mother (a non-witness) was one of the most spiritual and GOOD people I ever met. I could not accept that she was worthy of God's wrath. That mindset allowed me to have and make friends outside the organization - but I struggled with guilt about it from time-to-time. No doubt, your friend also has this same guilt and believes that the best thing for him to do is separate himself from you.
My advice, continue being his friend to the best of your ability. Apply the knowledge about the religion that you find here (but not necessarily share the fact that you've been here) and hope that he will find his path.
Earlier this year when I decided that I was through being a witness, I went to all my non-witness friends and explained to them my decision. While they supported me as a friend, I realized that they really didn't understand the significance of my decision. Whereas they are all different religions and freely welcome as friends, people of all religions (including me as a witness) - I had to tell them that as a practicing witness I was not supposed to have had THEM as MY friends. That allowing our relationship to develop to friendship had been a total act of rebellion on my part. Of course, they didn't know that and then could appreciate the place I had been in and then all that my decision meant. Curiously, none of my witness friends have continued to pursue my friendship.
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Mary
Yes, Witnesses are strongly discouraged from forming friendships outside of the religion. In fact, they even advise that you be careful of your association within the religion. They discourage you from associating with those who are considered "weak" in the faith. In other words, those who can't or won't attend 5 meetings a week, and who get less than 10 hours knocking on doors in every month.
When I was in school years ago, one of my best friends was a Catholic. Being kids, we didn't think anything of the religious differences, but I was told by the elders that I shouldn't be walking home from school with her or hanging around her on the weekends because "she's a Catholic".
So your JW friend is probably being made to feel guilty for having you as a friend.
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TopHat
Or what portion does a faithful person have with an unbeliever? . . . For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said: ‘I shall reside among them and walk among them, and I shall be their God, and they will be my people.’ ‘"Therefore get out from among them, and separate yourselves," says Jehovah, "and quit touching the unclean thing,’" ‘"and I will take you in.’"
In this case the UNBELIEVER is the Watch Tower, the unclean thing and WE who believe should separate oursleves from them.
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blondie
At one recent assembly, the CO said that "worldly" people were corpses. How can you have a friendship with a corpse?
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Worldly
A much-belated thank you to all who responded to my question. I was having trouble with my computer and getting into the forum, so please accept my apology for not responding sooner. Your answers have helped to explain the complete and painful breakdown in the relationship with my JW friend. He no longer wants to have contact with me, but he never explained himself in any way, and refused to meet me in person. It was breaking my heart not to know why, but thanks to you all, I now understand somewhat (though I don't understand that way of thinking at all). I wish that he ahd been honest with me, either before we became close, or at the very least about why he was discontinuing the friendship. Although, I wouldn't have liked it, it would have saved a lot of heartbreak over the last couple of years. It would have been easier for him, too, because I would have respected his decision more. Nellie, maybe after you explained your experiences to your non-JW friends and they have all faded away, it is because they are afraid of being hurt again if you went back to the faith. Not an excuse for them, because if that is so, they should tell you that, but it's just a thought.
Thank you all very much!
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Nellie
Worldly - I think you misread my entry. None of my worldly friends have left me - only my witness ones. My worldly friends now understand my previous hesitancy in my relationships with them and now embrace my full friendship with open arms.
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blondie
w91 1/15 p. 27 The Pure Language Unites a Great Crowd of Worshipers ***
Our friends should be Christians who have put on the Christlike personality and are zealous in the preaching work. Worldly acquaintances are not friends of God, and we cannot socialize with them without harm to ourselves.