what would/could happen if you and your wife decided that you needed to divorce? lets say one of us screwed up and cheated, how do you think it would go over if you stonewalled the elders when they tried to get some info? just told them "it is personal" or just told them that there was grounds to divorce ( even if you did not give any more info). i don't see what they could do to you or your spouse, they could not prove that you divorced unscriptually whether you did or did not.
what would happen if you got a divorce and told the elders nothing...
by ?me? 12 Replies latest jw friends
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minimus
If you told them there were grounds (scriptural) for divorce, they will go after you and her. If you say you've decided to divorce and you are keeping it to yourselves and you lie and tell them it's not due to adultery, then they can't df you.
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blondie
but then if either of you remarry, without proof of a scriptural divorce, you could then be df'd.
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?me?
but how could they df without proof. making you prove seems weird. being a faithful bro or sis, wouldn't they be impelled to "not be suspicious" of a fellow bro or sis? not to think the worse? i would love to see how this would play out, but not to me ofcourse..
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AlmostAtheist
"proof" is pretty weak on this one. JW's can DF you if there's proof that you slept in the same house with a member of the opposite sex. They don't need proof of anything, they just need to obey their little rules.
If you say you're divorcing on scriptural grounds, they will consider that proof that somebody committed adultery. If neither of you cooperates with the judicial committee, then you'll both be DF'd.
Sweet, eh? Jehovah's Loving Organization at work!
Dave
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Honesty
I didn't publicize it when I filed for a divorce. She had been lying and telling the elders for months that she had filed for a divorce against me. They kept telling her she didn't have scriptural grounds. I didn't know any of this until she was served the divorce papers I filed. Then the elders called me and asked me why did I file against her because they had been told that she had filed against me 5 or 6 months earlier. They wanted to talk with me about it and I told them they could hear it all in court. Needless to say, they were a bit angry that I had filed and wouldn't talk with them. I told them that if they pressed the issue I would sue the BOE for harassment because their meddling in our affairs for almost 10 years was part of the reason we were not together. About a month I had a chance encounter with one of the elders at Wal-Mart one afternoon and he started telling me how I had humiliated the congregation by filing for a divorce. Then he wanted to know the details. I knew something was screwy about the whole incident because he kept mentioning the congregation and how well known I am in the area and how it reflected bad on the Kingdom Hall, blah blah blah... I DA'd about 2 months later when I found out about the UN so I don't know what they would have done if I had stayed in the cult. They kinda left me alone after I threatened legal action against them. When they find out a person is not afraid of their silly little sanctions and endless regulations they back off.
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SWALKER
I can only hope that more people will quit letting the WTS tell them how to live their lives!!! Don't confess anything to them, unless you have thought it out...and don't volunteer anything either. The less they know the better. I hope more JW's catch on....
Swalker
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FairMind
I’ve told my story here before but considering the topic, it might bear repeating. My ex-wife divorced me on unscriptural grounds. For several years I felt chained and trapped in a situation I had not created and found no sympathy from the elders.
After some deep thinking I recalled an adulterous affair I had had prior to becoming a JW. After baptism I had told my wife about this other woman, but did not elaborate that the affair was more than a one-time occurrence. At the time my ex-wife forgave me. Anyhow, I began to wonder if my ex-wife's not knowing of the other instances of adultery with the same woman might somehow free me to find another wife. I did the research in the WT bound volumes and found that unless my ex-wife forgave all instances of my adulterous affair then our marriage was scripturally terminated. I figured (correctly) that the only way she could prove forgiveness was to have sex with me and this meant she would have to remarry me (which wasn’t going to happen).
I presented my case to the elders and they basically laughed in my face. So, I wrote the Society who arranged a special meeting with the elders, CO, DO, ex-wife and me. I went to the meeting with copies of the WT articles that proved by stance was correct according to published WT material. The elders, DO and CO still could not say I was right and told me they had referred the matter to the Service Desk in NY. I waited several months for an answer and finally took the matters into my own hands telling the elders that I had proved my case and intended to start dating. This forced them to tell me they could find no reason to prevent my doing so.
I have since remarried without being DF’d. The odd thing though is somehow I managed to lose all the privileges normally extended to brothers and this without any explanation.
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The Lone Ranger
They will try and find out what has happened and why the divorce. IF you tell them nothing and both continue in the congregation neither of you can remarry, if one of you marry then it will be consider adultery on that persons part and he/she will be Dfed and then the remaining one can remarry and without being DFed.
But every BOE are a law to themselves.
I know of a couple personally who were married for 7 years , the husband realised that the woman could not have children and that she knew about this before they married but did not tell the husband that she couldn't have children, when the husband felt it was time to have children he discovered his wife's problem and that she knew about it before they married but did not tell him, he was so upset that she lied all those years that he left her, they divorced and then after about 2 years they both remarried to new partners and yet no one got DFed and both still to this day attend the kingdom Hall but at different congregations. Explain that one !
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HiddenQuestioner
RE: "They will try and find out what has happened and why the divorce."
Allow me to tell my story. My ex-wife accused me of unfaithfulness, hauled me before the elders and played a sick game with my underwear to "prove" my unfaithfulness! - all this to get her hands on 10s of thousands of dollars in real estate equity. Which, by the way, she got. (It was a great con. More on that in a future posting.) Anyway, her act did not work and we got an "unscriptual divorce". However, later I found out she was unfaithful to me. I only found this out after the divorce and after I had relocated to another city hundreds of miles away because of a great job offer that I accepted. Funny thing was once I got to the new city I was welcomed with open JW arms and gained new friends. Even though I knew I was free, I choose not to go through the pain and trouble of having to prove it even though the divorce city had sent a letter to the new city saying that I was unscriptually divorced. I just desided to wait and see what might happen in the new city. Funny thing happened nothing! I was in my early 40s, a healthy semi-attractive man with money and a good job/profession and I wondered to myself why does'nt anyone care about the fact that I could have abandoned a wife and family in the divorce city. I was so shocked that no one might care about this by asking, but no one did and was shocked by this lack of concern over what might have been an innocent victim back in the divorced city. Time went on, I openly dated and no one challenged me. I gained back my self respect and married (not in a KH). Go figure.