Choices, if I could change only one.

by Fatfreek 20 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Sunspot

  I had no mother to blame....I accepted that "free home bible study" as an adult in the late 60's.

  This monumental decision has led me through a nightmare of broken relationships and family fueds since my baptism in 1972, and more so in reverse since I left the WTS in 1999. I have nothing but bad feelings and recriminations in having been involved with the WTS and this will "be with me" for the rest of my natural life. I now have grandchildren who were brought up to see me as evil over those lost years and who continue to want nothing to do with me.

  The same goes for my father......in a nursing home somewhere in MA. He and my mother disowned me when I became a JW over their objections. My mother died a few years ago hating me and made it clear I was not wanted at her funeral before she passed.

  If and when I do become agitated and strike out (in forums) about this anger....it is because I realize that I can never get back all those years or can absolve all the hurt feelings from every possible end of my family and friends who had been affected by my bad choice.

  How I dearly wish that I had closed the door that fateful day and said no thanks. How different my life would have been without WTS interference.
• 

  AuldSoul

  I would have invested 100 dollars in Microsoft as soon as it became publicly traded. THAT would have altered my whole life. My family probably wouldn't be as drawn to WTS teachings as an automatic result of having stuff.

  I'm just kdding, actually. I am the sum of my life choices + my goals + my abilities + my initiative. I like my life too much to change it. There are things I wish WOULD change, but not the parts I have control over.

  AuldSoul
• 

  Jez

  Ever see the movie, "The Butterfly Effect"????

  Jez
• 

  Stefanie

  I love The Butterfly Effect.. I have it on dvd and watch it alot..
• 

  fullofdoubtnow

  I too wish I had said "no thanks" to the jws when they offerred me a study. At the time, I had just graduated from university with an English degree, and wanted to be a teacher. I had a boyfriend who I thought I might marry and have children with, but he didn't share my enthusiam for the jws, and we parted, so I am now 46, never married and looking back on a life of unfulfilled ambitions, just because I decided to follow a dream.

  If only........
• 

  Sassy

  I wish I had asked my dad to stay with him and not go to meetings with mom. (he never became a witness).. but alas, it wasn't really an option, when she found the witnesses, he thought if she brought us kids up in religion, it would be good for us. Not sure if I had said I dont' want to go, that it would have been an option. Even my brother and sister stayed in till they left school..
• 

  AK - Jeff

  I would not want to 'alter' anyone else's life. My Mom began to believe the WT propoganda when I was about 5 years old.

  I 'fell in line' when I accepted the offer of a Bible study with a young pioneer while I was in my teens. By then Mom was mostly inactive. If I had changed that decision it would have altered most of the pain I feel now, after leaving. But it would also have greatly altered who I am as a person. My memories, my wife, my morals and respect for the Bible came out of that experience. I do not know that I could throw all that away.

  I regret the wasted years of believing lies. But the personal things I love now are irrevocably tied to my past. So I could not change it - it made me who I was.

  I would however have changed my decision not to get an education as a result of dubland thinking. Those changes would have been profound too, but would not have impacted my marriage and background as seriously.

  Jeff
• 

  Fatfreek

  No, Jez, I didn't see the movie. Nor did I know what the principle is about till I read the following link. In addition to an explanation there is a graphical illustration. Very profound thinking here:
  
  http://www.cmp.caltech.edu/~mcc/chaos_new/Lorenz.html
  
  Fats
• 

  Fatfreek

  It's always fun to speculate at times. Truth is, we all make lots of bad choices in our lifetimes.
  
  Yeah, I'd like to take that bad one of mine back but, in a sense, I was able to do just that -- by getting out eventually. I think of the ones who haven't done that. Ones who never will.
  
  Sure, there were consequences. I lost two of my three sons to the JW's. Too, there are three grandchildren in that mix that I've never seen, or met, or taken to the mall, or hugged. Probably never will.
  
  Do most of us have it bad? Ha! There are folks who, if they could look in on this thread of ours, would only shake their head in disbelief at what we complain about.
  
  Downtrodden people in third-world countries with half of their family dead or dying from Aids. Folks living in war-torn countries who've never known a moment's peace. People still picking up the pieces in those Tsunami zones. Victims living in tents and makeshift homes and shelters as a result of Hurricane Katrina.
  
  Fact is, I'll make more bad choices along the way and continue to be thankful for all the good ones I've been fortunate enough to decide on.
  
  Fats
• 

  stillajwexelder

  Studying was not the problem - I knew things were not 100% - it was the decision to get baptized despite the doubts