Ok I just finished watching Antwone Fisher. It's not the first time I've watched it.Not even the second or third time. I've seen it a lot. And every time I watch it I cry.
There are a lot of other movies that make me cry. Any movie where a baby is born will get me reaching for the Kleenex. Earlier today I watched The Color Purple. Well when the girls are parted I start reacing for the box. But when they are reunited and Celie meets her grown children the pain is unbearable. I feel the hurt and longing deep down inside of me.
I know a big part of the pain I feel about mothers who love their children comes from my past and knowing that my mother blames me for the things that went wrong in her life. I was unplanned and she married my father so I would not be illegitimate and they were supposed to give me up for adoption and get a divorce. Well the plan didn't work and they kept me and created a life of hell for their 4 kids.
Another big piece of it is from the shunning policies of the WTS. Not that I want a relationship with this woman but I miss not having a mother who ever loved me. She can't even pretend.
Sorting all this out and separating the mother-that-I- got issues from the shunning-JW-mother is hard to do.
Does anyone else have this reaction to certain movies? Heck never mind the movies - commercials will do it too.
Sometimes I just want to be "normal" - whatever that is.