WT's Strong Hold on the In-active

sandy

Ok, this past Friday I organized a meetup for ex-witnesses in my local area. I invited my brother who was never baptized (was almost baptized at 13 but one of the elders asked him to wait till he studied throught he second book). After the elder asked him to wait he never attended the meetings again with the exception of memorials and some assemblies.

My family and myself guessed that he was humiliated, my df'ed dad still has some resentment and sadness over the whole ordeal. Sometimes he says if they'd a let my brother get baptized he would be in the "truth" now.

Well, whenever we would ask my brother about the "truth" he would never answer us to the point of completely ignoring us. This went on for years and years and even now he will never give you anything but a shrug. It's very strange.

Ok, so back to my point. I invited him on Friday night and told him the truth about who I was meeting.
His response:

First he kind of laughed and said: "ok, what are you guys going to do, talk a bunch of crap"

I said: "Maybe" kind of joking (Bad response but I was surprised by his response)

then he just said: "that's alright I don't want to go."

I really am taken back by his response. I thought my brother was more open-minded and educated than that. I had hoped his silence all these years was just to keep peace. But he is still in such fear of the organization's falsehoods. This is very sad.

I really want to talk to him about it but I am afraid to now. What should I say or ask him?

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/19/102624/1.ashx

undercover

First he kind of laughed and said: "ok, what are you guys going to do, talk a bunch of crap" I said: "Maybe" kind of joking (Bad response but I was surprised by his response) then he just said: "that's alright I don't want to go." I really am taken back by his response. I thought my brother was more open-minded and educated than that. I had hoped his silence all these years was just to keep peace. But he is still in such fear of the organization's falsehoods. This is very sad. I really want to talk to him about it but I am afraid to now. What should I say or ask him?

Maybe he's good with where he's at and doesn't need the support and feels it's not constructive for him to tear down after coming to grips with it.

I wouldn't push an agenda that's for sure. My M.O. with all my relatives and friends, both active and inactive is don't ask and I won't tell you no lies. As long as they don't push me, I don't bring it up and we usually get along fine. As soon as one of them tries to start something, it usually ends up in an argument and then there's hard feelings.

I've learned that you can't change people who aren't willing to change. So I don't go out of my way to try. If they come to me with sincere questions or concerns, I take that advantage to try to get them to see things, but not before.

sandy

Thanks undercover for your input. i probably will not say anything further. I'm sure my brother will not want to talk about it either.

Why Georgia

Is it possible...like most men...he doesn't want to sit around and listen to a bunch of people b*tch and complain?

My husband went with me to a couple XJW meetups and didn't like bad mouthing.

I personally found the humor healing and I liked most...but not all the people I met. I had the pleasure of meeting a few radical wacko's...but maybe they felt the same of me...LOL!

Plus some people automatically feel that if someone is DF'd they did something to get that way and aren't people you'd want to be around anyway. My husband still feels this way. He feels the elders don't just DF someone unless they have earned it.

If a person is DA'd my husband is more likely to speak to them because they didn't do anything wrong - they just chose not to participate.

How about inviting one XJW over and your brother too...a mini meetup?

WG

misspeaches

I had a similar experience with my sister. when we had our Cannyfest I asked her to come along thinking she would be very interested. She hasn't been to a meeting for about 15 years or so.

I was astonished when she said no. I tried to tell her how fun it would be and that there wouldn't be too much JW talk etc but she didn't want to come.

But you want to know why?

Because when she did come to meetings (and she was baptised) she was treated so appallingly by the congregation. Considering exposing herself to people that used to be JW's brought up all sorts of terrible memories.

Could this perhaps be a reason why your brother wouldn't want to go along?

sandy

I totally forgot to tell you the rest of the story.

My niece was going to go with me but decided not to at the last minute. Actually I made her leave the restaurant before eveyone got there because she started asking questions like:

Am I going to get a demon in me?
If I'm trying to get reinstated and I go to the Kingdom Hall, will I be able to walk in? Apparently she thinks if she has a demon in her Jah's spirit will keep her from walking in the KH. LOL

It saddens me that it is my very own niece I am talking about here. I wish she was smarter (more educated) than that and less emotional.

Well, once she left she called her uncle, my brother and made sure he was aware that she was not going to the restaurant with me only dropping me off. LOL

She told him: "I don't want you thinking I'm an apostate" To which he said, "ok, just my siter is." and according to my niece laughed a little.

I'm just going to leave the subject alone with him and if he ver asks me anything I'll talk to him about it.

Thanks for your opinions and advice.

tall penguin

It's funny because I noticed some of the same behaviour from my brother this year. He was never baptized and stopped attending at age 18. That was 18 years ago. Yet all this time, he's been emotionally tied to the wts, fearing his destruction at Armageddon. He had put his life on hold for a belief system that he wasn't even physically attached to any more.
Since I started to fade this year and subsequently disassociated, we've had some good talks about the real truth about "the truth." And he is now a free man. He read Apocalypse Delayed and is now reading Sign of the Last Days. He's finally moving on with his life.
It's still amazing though how deep the indoctrination runs and how even if you haven't been to a meeting in years or were even baptized you can still feel some obligation to maintaining the wts illusion. Crazy really.
tall penguin

wednesday

Sandy,

I live in this bizzaro world too. One relative hasn't been to meetings except funerals, weddings, and memorials, but they defend the "truth". Another one has joined other religions but will always say they know jws have the "truth". Another relative is older, has studied several times in their life, never baptized, celebrates all holidays, and never would call themselves a JWS b/c they aren't good enough. One side of the family has a relative that just quit going and everyone just sort of acts like they are ok , I guess just takig a break, who knows.

JWS seperate even the inactive and opposers among us. They keep us apart by using the word apostate, like we are demons. They ruin and destroy familes even when people don't attend meetings. They hold your mind captive. They prevent people from moving on and starting a new life. I find myself in that position somewhat. I am too fearful to attend the apostafests. I still can't trust, b/c I keep thinking "remember these people were jws, " I get a panic attack just thinking of attending a meeting or a meet up.

This has been my world. JWS have had a stranglehold on both sides of my family. I'm a thrid generation. and the fouth generation is messed up too.The example of your neice saying what she did about a demon is so funny, but it could have been one of my relatives. Poor pathetic scared people.

Most of my family and hubbys' family are not educated. None went to college. I managed to go 2 yrs at a jr college. as an adult. wow I was looked down on for doing that.

JWS prey on the poor, ignorant and superstitious.

weds

seattleniceguy

Yeah, I've noticed this too. It's almost like the inactives believe more strongly, to make up for their inaction.
Indoctrination is a funny thing. It introduces deeply embedded patterns of thinking and feeling that don't go away easily. Ironically, that's one of the reasons that culture changes so slowly in the congregations. Take, for instance, the Society's crusade against aluminum. For years, people are brought up believing that this stuff is evil, that the government and industry are in cahoots to screw everyone over with their dastardly aluminum cookware. Somewhere along the line, the Society realizes that they are being bonkers and quietly stop denouncing aluminum in print. And yet, the irrational fear will hang on for decades. The indoctrination sword cuts both ways.
Mental entrapment is what it is. A lot of ex-Witnesses are physically free but they still believe the lie. That's one of the biggest purposes of internet resources - to help such people come to true freedom.
SNG

enlightenedcynic

Hello all,

I personally believe that the water used in the baptism pools at assemblies/conventions should be checked. Maybe they add a little somthin' somthin'. I was playing ball at the park back in the summer and ran into a brother I hadn't seen for a while. He was hesitant to talk and when I further inquired he told me he had been df'd. I guess he thought the conversation would end there, but I assured him that I valued his friendship and that I just wanted to talk. I told him that now was the perfect time to explore his options and look and see if there was something more that he wanted to do with his life. I also encouraged him to do some research into the society's background. The ex-bro stops me right there, tells me that he got df'd for fornication and that the girl was pregnant, but......that he knew that this was the "truth" and was determined to come back. He then said that he didn't like the tone of my conversation and wanted to know whether I had been doing enough personal study? I wanted to say " Man, F U!!!!", but I remained calm, not wanting him to feel that he had gained some victory. Told him to take care and left. Sad, very sad, but par for the course.

EC

WT's Strong Hold on the In-active

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