why cant they see how cruel they are?? (page 2)

Sassy

You can't live your life for them.. their rules will always be messed up.. you have to live for you

There are a lot of us by our choices who have lost family.. but we have to be true to ourself

tijkmo

so i just stopped trying..and now they accept it

sounds like you grew up to me
Growing up - i.e. maturity is acknowledging that the only person you can change is yourself, letting go, and being able to stop trying.

yes you may be right...but i didnt learn this by being told to buck up....i learnt it by being understood and listened to and helped by others who have been through it..which as a never having been baptised witness i would guess you havent...no offence intended

Cordelia

its hard tho isnt it when being true to ourselves means hurting people we also love?

tik did you write that?

you are right tho they will prob never be happy anyway, did you ever regret getting reinstated??

mrsjones are you still married. i have no hope if you werent even baptised and still got all that grief, when you stood by your hubby and endured so much did you ever expect him to be extra perfect, did you ever take it out on him??

Aude_Sapere

why do you thinkit is that jws cant think for themselves when they are hurting to!

I think because of the pain they are in and the pain they know they will face, it's actually easier to point fingers at you (the 'perceived' cause of their pain) and the cruelness helps them act out their own pain.

I think the cruelty may be a sort of defense mechanism.

Maybe??

-Aude.

TopHat

Cordelia, to answer your question: Conditioning.

Most Jws are conditioned to answer an exJw by repeating the answer from a text book of the WTS because if you ask them all the same question you get the same answer word for word. In my case they accuse me of attacking the JWs when all I did was ask a question and show proof. Why does the Governing Body and the WTS protect Pedophlies?

Sassy

The only thing that would make my mom happy is my returning to being a witness (which would require admitting about things to be df'd for/getting df'd and then reinstated.. AND if I kept my bf, bringing him into dubdom too).. Well.. I won't make that sacrifice.

Don't let them lay the guilt on you. Love, real love, the kind a real God would want, does not have blood family treating each other like this.

LDH

plenty of people older than you inc myself have had to struggle with all of these feelings and bewilderment...i would have long conversations with my folks about stuff and they would listen and agree and i would think i had got somewhere only for them to resort back to the same line of 'un'reasoning...

Perhaps someone that cares about you should have told you to grow up, and stop wasting your time and your life.

Eventually you came to this conclusion on your own.

But that doesn't change the fact that you could have realized this sooner if someone gave you practical advise.

Depression is an illness. Not having a backbone is a self imposed condition.

mrsjones5

mrsjones are you still married. i have no hope if you werent even baptised and still got all that grief, when you stood by your hubby and endured so much did you ever expect him to be extra perfect, did you ever take it out on him??

Yes, we are still married - 13 years yesterday. And yes, I'm ashamed to say that I did take it out on him - it almost costed me my marriage until one I woke up and realized what I was letting my parents do and how disrepectful it was to my husband, my marriage and me. I cut the ties and started working on my family (hubby and me). I still speak to my parents and they still try to impose control (I dont think that will ever stop) but it doesnt totally destory me like it use to.

Josie

mrsjones5

Telling someone to buck up isn't cruel. It's being sorta blunt but not cruel. It's another way to say "get a spine", "grow up", "get a backbone", "stop being a baby", "your someone's mother, act like it", etc...

BUCK UP
[Q] From Charlotte Heimann: “I found myself urging a dear friend to buck up! in spite of his having been given a distressing medical diagnosis. Why would I say that?”
[A] We use it now to suggest somebody should cheer up, and not be downhearted or oppressed by circumstances. It is a phrase from nineteenth century Britain, derived from those bucks or dandies who were regarded as the acme of snappy dressing in the Regency period. (In its turn, that word came from buck in the sense of the animal, and had a slightly older meaning still that suggested male gaiety or spirit, with unsubtle suggestions of rutting deer.) In its dandyfied sense buck up first meant to dress smartly, for a man to get out of those comfortable old clothes and into something drop-dead gorgeous. Since to do so was often a fillip to the spirit, the phrase shifted sometime around the 1880s to its modern meaning. It seems to have been public school slang to start with, probably from Winchester College, and rather stiff-upper-lip British. It could suggest that the person being addressed should stop acting like a wuss, ninny or coward, as here from Edith Nesbit’s The Wouldbegoods of 1901: “Be a man! Buck up!”, and was something of a cliché at one time in stories of Englishmen abroad bravely facing adversity. From the early years of the twentieth century, it could also be an injunction on somebody to get a move on or hurry up; here’s an example, from D H Lawrence’s Sons and Lovers of 1913: “ ‘Half-past eight!’ he said. ‘We’d better buck up’ ”.http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-buc1.htm

mrsjones5

which as a never having been baptised witness i would guess you havent...no offence intended

I so love veiled putdowns and you tried to cover yourself by saying no offence intended...lol that was cute...just something my mother would say to invalidate anything I say Is that what you are trying to do love? Assumptions will get you nowhere.

Josie
P.S. Are you saying that the experiences of unbaptised born-ins are of less importance than baptised born-ins and baptised walkins? I hope not.

why cant they see how cruel they are??

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