EL_DON
I was an apostate, which is why I am changing my wicked worldly ways.
Ah, so posting on a website crawling with apostates, contrary to all guidance by the Fetid Deoderant Salve, in a way that would get you disfellowshipped if you already weren't is your idea of change?
Don't get me wrong, I'd sooner have you stay than go, as here you'll learn something, but you must be kidding yourself if THIS is "changing your ways".
I have been away from the congregation since I was a teenager. After leaving I would openly speak out against the truth as many of you do now and I beg Jehovah God for his mercy and forgiveness because I was wrong and I am sorry to have spoken blasphemy. It is now that I am trying to find my way back to the light.
And what were you wrong about? Be specific, tell us what were the reaons (you now see as wrong) for you leaving.
Over the years, my bad associations DID spoil useful habits.
Yeah, meetings, I know, three days a week and they let anyone attend, but what can you do...
I am preparing myself to say my goodbyes to many people and things of the world that I always loved.
Why?
It is not easy but I am ready and growing stronger. The teachings were ignored
Yes, but most of us here ignore the teachings because we can prove quite satisfacorily to someone free of preprogramed toxic thought-patterns that the JW's are somewhere between the Mormons and Scientologists as regards being able to prove their beliefs, and still have time to cook a threecourse meal. How do you want t? Scriptual proof? Scientific proof? Logical proof? Ethical proof?
and no matter how many material possesions have come into my hands or how much success I have had, there was emptiness without Jehovah in my life.
Of course you felt like that. That';s how you are programmed to feel, and unless you replace the programming with good wholsome knowledeg you will feel broken. Just like an expelled Moonie or Mormon feels. Their feelings of distress at being seperated have nothing to do with them being expelled from the definative 'truth' though. And neither do YOUR feelings of guilt.
I can't go back and change things.
Correct. Why are you trying to?
I am far from perfect. I have sinned (and I mean SINNED) but that doesnt mean its too late to repent and be forgiven. He is a merciful God who has blessed me with so many gifts. And even if I didn't make it to paradise at least I would be serving our lord Jehovah God and not Satan.
See how screwed up being in a cult makes you?
I plan on rejoining the Creston Congregation in NYC that I left long ago.
I would be doing you a favour if I sent the BOE a record of this... not that I would; but I WOULD be doing you a favour if I did.
There are still some hypocrates in the congregation but that is just the state of our imperfect world and they are found in all congregations and all religious denominations.
Ah, so you are going back to an organisation that is indistinguishable from other religions. Smart move!
Some congregation members think of me as a worldly, liberal, cigarette smoking, vain, openly gay former witness and I am still in recovery. I'm sure that I will be shunned by some but I am going to put one foot in front of the other and march right into that kingdom Hall (hopefully with my mother who has stopped attending meetings). Naturally there will be gossip and whispering, but talk is cheap and I've dealt with bigger monsters before.
You will be shunned by every "good" Witness. Look, you're gay. I'm not. For you to be straight would be as un-natural and kinky as me being gay. Nothing wrong with being either straight or gay as long as you are true to yourself and don't hurt others.
If homosexuality is normally determined by predetermined biological factors, what kind of sick god would not know some of his creation turned out gay through "no fault of their own" and punish them for it?
Think about what you do carefully, you're setting yourself up for decades of misery.