hey heretic - I do remember you young man - you've changed your name, but still the same huh? Good advice - from you and GGG, but I know my father well enough to know that if i tried just once to discuss anything about the 'truth' in terms of saying shunning is unscriptural or that their fierce shunning is not going to make me come back and he would cut off even the scarps of contact I do get. I'd rather hear about whats happening with them two years after the fact than never at all, and your image doofdaddy is an accurate snapshot of what it is like.
i won't say its nice to know others like skyman, sunspot, viegel have suffered exactly the same, but its reassuring to know that I am not alone.
when mr crumpet came to bed finally and i had finished nipping his heid over not coming sooner and then apologised and said i was taking my hurt out on him, I had a good ole cry although I kept more in than I let out. The feeling of utter worthlessness that has overwhelmed is indescrible - i just feel like trash - like dirt. But you lot are helping pull me out of that, by reminding me that I'm not really.
Once I'd stopped my snivelling and knew I wouldnt sleep at all for the rest of the night between the pain in my ankle and toe and the pain in my heart, I turned to my favourite pasttime - mentally drafting nasting letters and cards. It helped get a lot out of my system. and amused me until the sun came up and the fog began to lift off the lawn.
I eventually remembered the guy she has married - but he must have been about 10 last time I saw him. There's a possibility my sister didnt want me to know because she was embarrassed - after all he's a few years younger. I find it hard to believe she did it out of sheer spite. If I did send a wedding card I would apologise for its lateness and wish them long and happy lives together ... and say I understand she was embarrassed, but there was no need I respect her choice in husband and wish she could respect my choices.
hey ho so i have a brother in law - how weird is that! and I'll never ever meet him!
The other thing that upset me a bit is that when I last saw my sister she was beautiful - so much prettier than me. She must have been 19 or 20 I guess, but the photo i saw of her makes her look thin, dowdy, unhappy and so much older - no glow at all - not how a newly wed woman looks. Is that what pioneering has done? maybe it was just a bad picture... it just added to my distress - what happened to that gorgeous pretty funny girl that was my sister. Where did this purse lipped pinched woman come from? I'd love to send her pictures of me now - yes I am a lot heavier than she'll remember but I don't think I've lost all of my glow and my spirit...
sorry I'm rambling - but this is how my mind has been mulling these last few hours.
thanks again for all your support and GGG you are one heck of woman - you are brave and funny and I'd love you as a sister!
