{{{{{{{{{{Lady Lee}}}}}}}}}}}
Thanks for being here for so long.
Love from a newby
Love Bombing JWs vs JWD
by Lady Lee 29 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
AlmostAtheist
Jgnat,
I participated in "love bombing" when I was a JW, but it wasn't intentional. (Not that the intent matters) I was just SO happy to see another lost soul coming out of the dark world and joining Jehovah's Loving Worldwide Brotherhood. I just couldn't HELP but approach them (you never "walk up to" anybody in the Hall, you always "approach" them) and welcome them, and yes even touch them. Usually a handshake; only sisters could get away with anything more than that. It's weird to think of it now, but there was this "instant love" for the newbie that motivated all sorts of behavior. It felt genuine, and I suppose it was based on some sort of pay-it-forward expectation that this person would soon be my spiritual brother or sister. And a certain level of obligation to make the Hall seem like a welcoming place. I now can easily imagine walking into a Hall and feeling like you've entered a room full of brain-eating zombies. "Welcome! We love you! Join us!"
But I don't sense that same closed-in feeling I got at the hall. We are free to expand our horizons and include other social circles. Have a life, in other words. We also want to KNOW something about the newcomer. JWD almost demands a little opening-up, before we are intimate in return. That is a healthy sign, I figure.
I think we still have that "SO happy" feeling when someone pops on JWD for the first time. But the "soon be my brother" expectation isn't there. We aren't all brothers and sisters, we're just people with common experiences. The happiness comes from the knowledge that we relish our freedom, and it feels good to know someone else is going to get to enjoy that. Moreover, there's no thought that the new person will begin to think like we do. If anything, I think, "Cool, this person can probably bring something to the forum that isn't here yet." Rather than rejoicing to see another person conform to our mold, we look forward to seeing how much more diversity this person might bring. Maybe they'll help us identify some more "mold" we haven't shucked off ourselves yet.
Another thing about being a JW: No emotion counts unless it is outwardly visible. As a JW, if I was happy to see a new one at the Hall and failed to say anything to them, I would feel like I failed. I would imagine that I was probably supposed to say "Hi" at least, and because I didn't, I may have reduced their chances to join with us. On JWD, I still get happy when I see a new one, but I won't necessarily post to their welcome thread. I'm happy, but my happiness counts whether I say something or not.
What a twisted, warped, weirded-up brain a JW carries around with them... Edited to add: Welcome, ApostateKate! We love you! Please join us! (Mind if we nibble on your brain a bit?)
Dave
-
Lady Lee
Welcome to the board Kate
Dave
Mind if we nibble on your brain a bit?
I almost choked laughing at this.
That guilt thing takes it's toll doesn't it?
I think that believing we were so right and had the Truth™ we would have been more than happy to sincerely welcome people. What bugged me was those talks to be welcoming.
-
DannyHaszard
much like AA 12 step support group although be beware of the 13th step anybody know what that means?
Answer-When an established member of AA befriends a newbie for sexual advantage ( just to get into your pants) this is called 13th stepping as there are only 12 steps. This doesn't happen at JWD?
-
Dune
The funniest thing for me is that i havent felt the "love" since my bible study conductor left the congregation in 2000. He was the elder that everyone loved cause he was young, funny and you could really see that he was genuinely concerned about you. I think the fact that he considered me a son kinda got me some kind of position in the congregation. However, once he left i felt the love go with him.
I was watching this one lady that's been studying for about a year now. I think everyone who has been doing it, is tired of love bombing her. Sometimes she misses meetings because she has to work the night shifts. and lately you could see that people have ceased teh LB. Its funny because she really is the type of person that would hug you and is very affectionate, but she hasnt realized that no one is returning it back to her.
Love Bombing is so cruel because most people dont know they are doing it. And its amazing how once a person gets baptized its like everyone can care less about you afterwards.
-
hillbilly
Grettie...didnt know about your brothers loss either... but I dont read every post.
Sorry. I hope everything came out ok... thats a lot of stress and I am sorry it happened.
Love Bombing may be the most insidious thing JW's do. And I dont thing they are even aware they do it...just the mind-set of the cult.
~Hill
-
Mysterious
I find most supportive sites have a sort of love bombing air to them. They want to retain people to help them of course. The difference is I don't think we are hurting anyone by making them part of the community here, the JWs are hurting people by forcing them into their community. But I agree new people do get a lot of attention, as do the old hats. As usual the middle children get ignored hehe.
-
Apostate Kate
I have given serious thought to this too. I, bring new here, deliberatly introduced myself to make first contact with the board. I have read the board over the years and really wasn't into debates or arguments so I never joined. It is encouraging to know that some of you stuck it out. Also the topics here are very deep and at times would trigger past emotions related to my nightmare JW childhood.
There are many different ex JW support groups that do offer unconditional acceptance with and without agendas. We are connected by our collective experiences, how we reacted to them has all been different, and it seems on this board the; agree to disagree is important for cohesian. This Forum has been the leader in information distribution IMHO.
After the Watchtower I myself have joined "Babylon the Great The World empire of false religion" and am in a leadership position in a Community Church. We are actually trying to teach our members to feel and show unconditional love to newby's. For many it is not natural to welcome strangers. The difference is whether our members make services or not, we love them years after they join. Some have fallen to drug addiciton, we hold thier hands and offer our unconditional love through all thier trials. Some JWs say well great so what do you do about sin? We love them. We do not disfellowship. IF they are in a leadership position, they may be asked to step down if they are committing some grave habitual sin such as molestation, rape, overt criminal activity. But we have never had to ask someone not to come, or had reason to shun them. (We had a mentally challenged man come in and seen us preparing the communion juice and crackers and said "not that crap again!)
The difference between the Watchtower and many mainstream churches is, we are not task oriented. We have no agenda except to provide help to the Community, be it moral support, financial support through food banks and charities, or helping hand ministries to help those in need of whatever their needs may be. We do not withhold love or assistance based on performance. Love Bombing takes place in cults when there is an agenda to gain converts, usually task orieted such as door to door field service. We don't try to gain members at our mainstrean church. For some it may be important but actually we are very small with about 35 members a week. It is a very small town also.
So Love Bomb this newby all you want! There is not enough love in the world. We are free.
~Kate
-
Apostate Kate
{{{{{{{{{{{{Middle Child}}}}}}}}}}}}
-
Lady Lee
Dune
Love Bombing is so cruel because most people dont know they are doing it. And its amazing how once a person gets baptized its like everyone can care less about you afterwards
That is so true and so hurtful. You think you are now "in" and find out it meant nothing and then you find out it really meant you signed your life over to the WTS.
hillbillyLove Bombing may be the most insidious thing JW's do. And I dont thing they are even aware they do it...just the mind-set of the cult
No I don't think they are aware. They certainly have no idea of the effect it has on people
MysteriousThe difference is I don't think we are hurting anyone by making them part of the community here, the JWs are hurting people by forcing them into their community. But I agree new people do get a lot of attention, as do the old hats. As usual the middle children get ignored hehe.
Good point. That is a huge difference. We don't go knocking on their doors looking for them. We don't tell them terrible things will happen if you don't join us or if you leave. People are free to come and go. Not even any quotas on posting.
New ones get a lot of attention. We all like to see new people and lordy are we ever a curious bunch. KateI have given serious thought to this too. I, bring new here, deliberatly introduced myself to make first contact with the board. I have read the board over the years and really wasn't into debates or arguments so I never joined. It is encouraging to know that some of you stuck it out. Also the topics here are very deep and at times would trigger past emotions related to my nightmare JW childhood.
Well I'm certainly glad you lurked as long as you did and finally came out of the shadows. Be extra gentle with yourself when memories get triggered. If you haven't already check out the Best of section. The posts by JanG and mine are very recovery oriented.
There are many different ex JW support groups that do offer unconditional acceptance with and without agendas. We are connected by our collective experiences, how we reacted to them has all been different, and it seems on this board the; agree to disagree is important for cohesian. This Forum has been the leader in information distribution IMHO.
Well we certainly toss the ideas around. There are some inforamtion sited that are awesome Freeminds and Quotes to name a couple of them but I agree this sites offer information and support
After the Watchtower I myself have joined "Babylon the Great The World empire of false religion" and am in a leadership position in a Community Church. We are actually trying to teach our members to feel and show unconditional love to newby's. For many it is not natural to welcome strangers. The difference is whether our members make services or not, we love them years after they join. Some have fallen to drug addiciton, we hold thier hands and offer our unconditional love through all thier trials. Some JWs say well great so what do you do about sin? We love them. We do not disfellowship. IF they are in a leadership position, they may be asked to step down if they are committing some grave habitual sin such as molestation, rape, overt criminal activity. But we have never had to ask someone not to come, or had reason to shun them. (We had a mentally challenged man come in and seen us preparing the communion juice and crackers and said "not that crap again!)
Awesome.
The difference between the Watchtower and many mainstream churches is, we are not task oriented. We have no agenda except to provide help to the Community, be it moral support, financial support through food banks and charities, or helping hand ministries to help those in need of whatever their needs may be. We do not withhold love or assistance based on performance. Love Bombing takes place in cults when there is an agenda to gain converts, usually task orieted such as door to door field service. We don't try to gain members at our mainstrean church. For some it may be important but actually we are very small with about 35 members a week. It is a very small town also.
exactly and nothing about it is Christian