Greetings Lady Lee, As I said in my post the shoe box, I jumped out when I was a teen. I swore to myself that, no one, but no one, will ever control my life again.
I'm going to quote from my golf book. Chapter 2 'My Experience' page 11, 12.
"The material in this book is not dogmatic. It's not a 'must do or don't' set of instructions. The book provides guidelines, suggestions and helpful hints that you can adopt or discard at your discretion. If any material applies to you, fine. If not,discard it. People who have a set swing and a set mind can read it at their leisure. I do ask, however, that you contribute your thoughts and incorporate your ideas when reading the material and doing the drills that you find most useful to you. Allow your imagination to run with you and look for ideas that would be helpful to you. Ask yourself how you can take this material and make it work for you. Make it your own.
In essence, the ABC's of Golf is saying, "I'm giving you a road map with the directions to your destination, but it is you who must drive the car."
My chief aim is to 'teach' you to 'teach' yourself. I want you to believe in yourself. Remove and tear down mental 'ceilings' that prevent YOU from making the best possible use of YOUR talents and potential! Believe in the motto, 'If at first you don't succeed, try again'. NO FAILURE IS EVER FINAL ... NOR IS SUCCESS!
Keep track of all your experiences. You're going to be needing them somewhere, somehow, someday. Let your experiences in life and in golf be your mirror."
Question, is the person writing this info, controlling?
Golf
Taking control over our lives.
by Lady Lee 17 Replies latest jw friends
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Golf
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oldflame
They didn't control me because I wouldn't let them. I am not one to be controlled. Anywhere by anyone, I have always been that way long before the WTBS
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jgnat
I have a different background, so a different perspective.
Having lived with a person who lost all self-control by mental illness, I fear loss of self control. I've never been drunk. I've never done drugs. My son, hoping I think, to have me join him on the bandwagon pleaded, "Not even once?" No, not once.
Also because of my past, I have a fine nose for manipulation and I won't respond to it. Often confrontation is not needed. All I do is dig in my heels and refuse to budge. That's probably why I'd make a terrible JW.
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Jamelle
As long as I can remember I have had the mantra "Never lose control". My best guess is that this was a direct response to the control my parents and the rest of the JW world tried to use on me.
I always had a rebellious heart - it often showed and I suffered the consequences. Now that I am free of the JW world I still have the need to be in control, but over time this need has softened to a more reasonable level.
Oddly enough, I have always wanted to please others, my parents, my peers - I just didn't want it badly enough to completely go along with the JW teachings. I could never truly make myself over with "the new personality" so to speak. Weird, huh?
I still have a desire to please others, to make them happy. But I have zero tolerence for being mistreated. I have learned life's lessons well and can spot someone trying to manipulate me a mile away - I avoid the situation or if I can't (like with a co-worker) I manipulate things right back so as to avoid situations where they can take advantage of me (like calling me after work hours to do things for them, taking credit for my work, etc.)
Control is still very important to me - but I try to keep things in perspective as much as I can.
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Why Georgia
Hi Lady Lee,
Although I am not - nor have I ever been a JW...I do have control issues. I think it comes form having a alcoholic/drug abusing biological father the first 5 years of my life. Everything was so out of control. Then it doesn't help that my mother is a control freak although she's letting up as I get older and she realizes she cannot control me or my choices. She attempts to manipulate at times, but I just say gotta go...the kids need me. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and she is pretty wonderful...but she has her issues too. LOL!
Some people may laugh at this...I don't care. I go to Al-Anon and ACOA meetings (Adult Children of Alcoholics). It has helped me a lot.
Here is something that I was reading today ...
Today's Reminder-
Right now, today, I will lighten my burden by dropping that part of it which does not belong to me. Today I will look more closely at my thoughts and impulses, and take only such action as is required of me.
"Keep thyself first in peace and then though wilt be able to bring others to peace. Have, therefore, a zeal in the first place over thyself..."
(Thomas A' Kempis)
And lastly, I have 2 children...I mention this all the time on the forum because they are my life and love...But having children makes you see all your flaws and teaches you so many life lessons. I learned that I am also a bit of a control freak. With the birth of #2 most wonderful boy in the world I needed and have learned to take it easy and not be such a micro manager...to slow down and have fun and do only what needs to be done at times. It doesn't matter so much if there is not the most fabulous meal on the table every night, or if the kids look perfect every second...It's more important that we are all okay and having fun being together.
I don't know if anything I wrote makes sense to anyone other than me...
Chrystal aka Why Georgia
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cyber-sista
I had a dream a couple of nights ago--one of those very crystal clear dreams, which I don't have too often. the dream involved a woman who was my bookstudy conductor and the one who was instrumental into bringing me into the Org. I haven't thought of her in quite awhile. I did write her a couple of years ago when she was questioning me as to why I was no longer involved in the Org and had I forgotten all the wonderful things I was taught from the bible? etc...
Anyway, in my dream this woman who had studied with me was driving my car over 100 miles per hour. I was really scared and kept telling her to slow down or pull over. I was really scared and after a while I was shouting at her "this is my car and I want to drive it--pull over" She wouldn't listen to me, but kept on driving fast her eyes fixed to the road. Finally we stopped to use the bathroom or something. There had been some other passengers in the backseat and we ran into a building and hid for a bit. We could hear her calling us. We made our way back to the car and sped off without her--I was in the driver's seat now. We could see her in the rear view mirror shaking her fist at us and telling us to come back. We didn't turn around and when we were really far away she flug a rock at us. It was only a small rock though, I could hear it hitting the car, but it didn't do much damage. End of dream...
I woke up and thought about this dream for awhile. I remember what a relief it felt being in the drivers seat.
I wondered if the dream indicated that I have made a sort of breakthough in regaining control of my life. I wonder...
cybs
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serendipity
My mother was very controlling, and as a child I had to obey her or get the crap beat out of me. I think that led to me trying too hard to please authority figures. Paradoxically, I'm a bit of a rebel. I don't like being controlled.
My mother still tries to control and manipulate me. She's a bit of a bully even now. I set boundaries, "give in" when I feel like and ignore requests when I don't want to do the things she asks or advises. She's frustrated with me and threatens to withdraw my inheritance. I'm willing to risk that because I don't like being controlled or manipulated.
My "EX" was also a controlling bully. When I tried to establish boundaries in a calm, mature manner, he blew me off, yelled and verbally abused me. The only way to get the point across to him was to raise my voice and act angry. (And guess why he's an EX)
My theory on bullies is that you have to stand up for yourself respectfully, calmly and firmly. They may not like your stance, but they will respect you. Bullies don't respect pushovers.
I had one manager who tried to micromanage me when I first started working for him. He was a new manager and I figured he was a bit insecure in the job and he didn't know how competent I was. He also grilled people in staff meetings, asking them for status on items he didn't assign. I got the message that he wanted us to take initiative and be proactive. I made it a game to outthink him, and anticipate his questions on my work. After a few months, I proved myself and he stopped the micromanaging of me. In general, learning to manage your manager is a very valuable skill to have.
My company has a certain amount of control over me, but I guess that's to be expected as a wage slave.
My daughter has tried to control me, but I think it's funny. I usually say "Yes, your highness" and ignore her. It gets the point across in a humorous way.
Though I'm a JW, as an inactive single sister, I get no attention from people in the congregation and very little from most of my JW family. I've learned to filter out the controlling messages from the talks and publications, so the WTS has no significant control over me.
I haven't figured out how to remove the government's control of my paycheck, via taxes.
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Lady Lee
stopthepain
As a youngster,the control my parents took over who I could hang out with was horrible.This was all done with the elders encouragement,who were chosen by jehoba{hahaha}.I always knew I liked my friends from school better,and was forced to hang out with kids from the hall.
I am so glad I got out before my kids got too involved in high school. Our congregation had a lot of nice kids and we did a lot of things to help them get together. Their lives would have been miserable if we had stayed in. The friends were good friends for them. Sadly once I was DFed the girls got shunned by their friends. It hurt them but in the end it actually helped because they both made the decision on their own to not go back.
Golf
"The material in this book is not dogmatic. It's not a 'must do or don't' set of instructions. The book provides guidelines, suggestions and helpful hints that you can adopt or discard at your discretion. If any material applies to you, fine. If not,discard it. People who have a set swing and a set mind can read it at their leisure. I do ask, however, that you contribute your thoughts and incorporate your ideas when reading the material and doing the drills that you find most useful to you. Allow your imagination to run with you and look for ideas that would be helpful to you. Ask yourself how you can take this material and make it work for you. Make it your own.
That is exactly my philosophy. I do that for myself and I hope people do that with whatever information I provide. "Use what works and ignore the rest."
oldflame
They didn't control me because I wouldn't let them. I am not one to be controlled. Anywhere by anyone, I have always been that way long before the WTBS
What can I say? I was a slow learner. jgnatHaving lived with a person who lost all self-control by mental illness, I fear loss of self control.
I learned early from my parents (who were often out of control) that it hurts others and in the end hurts me.Also because of my past, I have a fine nose for manipulation and I won't respond to it. Often confrontation is not needed. All I do is dig in my heels and refuse to budge. That's probably why I'd make a terrible JW.
I'm doing pretty good at this one. Heck I've had enough practice!
Jamelle
As long as I can remember I have had the mantra "Never lose control". My best guess is that this was a direct response to the control my parents and the rest of the JW world tried to use on me.
Me too. But I translated it to never speak up and be everyone's doormat.
Why Georgia
I go to Al-Anon and ACOA meetings (Adult Children of Alcoholics). It has helped me a lot.
Years ago when people started getting into recovery and the ACOA groups started a lot of people realized that the same dynamics of alcoholic families existed in all dysfunctional families. There's a lot of good support and information in some of those groups The trick is to find a group that meets your needs
cybs
I wondered if the dream indicated that I have made a sort of breakthough in regaining control of my life. I wonder...
You are the best person to interpret your dreams but that is what I thought as I read it. Good for you.
serendipity
My mother still tries to control and manipulate me. She's a bit of a bully even now. I set boundaries, "give in" when I feel like and ignore requests when I don't want to do the things she asks or advises. She's frustrated with me and threatens to withdraw my inheritance. I'm willing to risk that because I don't like being controlled or manipulated.
Yup life on your terms is way better than being manipulated.
My "EX" was also a controlling bully. ... My theory on bullies is that you have to stand up for yourself respectfully, calmly and firmly. They may not like your stance, but they will respect you. Bullies don't respect pushovers.
I found one technique that worked pretty good with my ex. I would just keep repeating my question or comment. Eventually he listened or walked out.
Isn't it amazing how these controllers keep popping up in out lives. Just when I think I am rid of them all another one shows up. Gives me lots of practice dealing with them