by Mysterious 19 Replies latest jw friends
It's lead me to wonder about the long term effects of JW socialization on youths that are raised in the organization. Certainly studies of extreme neglect did show an unrecoverable impact, but I wonder to what extent early cult experiences can be overcome. Any thoughts?
It sounds like a topic for a thesis to me. It could get you an A+
I know some here that truly graduated without a single friend in their school. Just did their work, didnt even hang out at lunch and left.
That was me
Us JDub kids are light deer caught in headlights when we leave. It's ALWAYS been in the back of my mind that Armageddon is coming and I don't have time to do anything. I live month to month, day to day. No future plans---what's the point, right??
That was me too, until about 3 years ago.
My experience is that being raised a JW and then leaving is an extremely difficult thing to overcome. You don't know how to relate to other people, you don't have any social skills and you're always mistrustful of people. Basically you act like your sh*t doesn't stink and people can't stand that, but yet you're unaware of all of your shortcomings because you can't read between the lines. It takes a long long time to adjust, if you actually ever get there.
BTW Mysterious you might enjoy reading the works of Irving Goffman. Has a great theory about human interactions.
"What about those that didnt lie to their parents and didnt have anything to do with their wordly classmates. I know some here that truly graduated without a single friend in their school. Just did their work, didnt even hang out at lunch and left."
When I read that I squealed "that was me". Not one friend in school (they were all sinners and bad association). I never skipped a class, never snuck out, didn't kiss a boy or hold hands until I was in the 10th grade (I knew I was going to hell after that). I've mentioned it on other posts that I couldn't talk to other classmates on the phone even if I had a group project that had to be done outside of class. My parents were that strict. I wasn't allowed to give out my phone# and couldn't get any one elses. It was a sad lonely childhood and that is a shame. I was always being preached to and never really talked to, if there was problem that did come up the answer was always "you have to do what Jehovah thinks is the best." What a crock of shit that was just the easy way out for my parents not to have to deal with the issues, that or we just would get spankings...ugh, now I'm just getting pissed off, so I think I'm done with this topic for awhile.
Poztate, unfortunately such a study would be hard to run at the undergraduate level since it would be difficult to recruit participants. The operationalization of variables would also be particularly problematic given the various levels of introversion, extraversion and social skills in relation to the general populace. As would defining what constitutes a cult (as opposed to a high control group or a mainstream religion) in relation to who would be included as participants in the study.
Soledad I will indeed check out what my campus library has in relation to Goffman when I get back from semester break. I had heard him referenced before and some of his works do hold an interest to me.
Of course I have a personal interest in the topic being as I consider myself very socially mal-adjusted. Though surprisingly I have far less trouble on the internet. (hobbies including excessive forum posting, forum adminning and serving as a guild officer in an online game) I sometimes think that my childhood has a significant enough impact on my personality that I actually can't overcome some fundamental aspects such as a deficit in socialization and cultural training as a child. In effect I feel like I have culture shock in my own country, constantly.
Poztate, unfortunately such a study would be hard to run at the undergraduate level since it would be difficult to recruit participants. The operationalization of variables would also be particularly problematic given the various levels of introversion, extraversion and social skills in relation to the general populace. As would defining what constitutes a cult (as opposed to a high control group or a mainstream religion) in relation to who would be included as participants in the study.
Uh...yeah...that"s exactly what I thought about it after thinking a little harder ...
My socialization problems started before my family became JWs because we moved around constantly. I would only make one or two acquaintances then we'd move again. I'm also a hermit because my parents were hermits (nature or nurture?).
As if that weren't enough, I later added common JW traits to my wonderful introverted personality. I'm sure my constant preaching, know-it-all-itis, self-righteous, judgmental, critical attitude didn't exactly endear me to worldly kids. Threatening them with death at Armageddon didn't help. Now why didn't I have any worldly friends? (I actually had one worldly friend in Junior high for 2 years and one worldly friend in high school for 2 years. )
I'm working to overcome all those negative traits, but it's taking a long time.
At 45 and having made it through Armageddon in 1975, I can tell you that although it has taken me years of therapy, research and self analyzation, I still prefere to be with my pets, children, and my completly non conformist dear hubby. Socialization was truly horrible for me. Way too much to delve into but I would like to comment on an interesting observation from my JW age group, my JW peers.
The ones "born in it" in the 60ies-early 70ies all had an interesting emotional definciency. There is an age in early childhood development called by some psychologists as the "magical period." It is the time in a child's life that they normaly would stop believing in the Tooth Fairy, etc. They move from an inner perspective (self) to an outer perspective and begin to become aware of world events and the needs of those around them. Imaginary friends disappear. Play becomes more reality based.
Most of my JW peers never made it through this otherwise normal transition. They ended up with differing levels of psychosis. For example, they could read peoples thoughts, see demons, hear demons, etc etc. They imagine they have medical maladies that in reality have been ruled out, the list goes on. One poor soul I know of was institutionalized because she was convinced Armegeddon had come and her loved ones didn't make it. This I believe is why there is a pedophile issue aparently larger than the general population. Some of these JW adults are stuck back in that pre magical thinking period. They are unable to relate to adults. I'm not referring to the violent predators, but the few males I had contact with. One was busted for receiveing computer child porn by the Feds. I worry that he may turn into an active predator. He is currently attending a Kingdom Hall. Look at M.Jackson. He is typical of what I am referring to. Unable to be an adult, have a normal adult social life and sees children as peers.
The clash of the two worlds caused more social misfits and psychological problems..now I'm sad remembering my friends. I lost my two best childhood girlfriends.
dammit
I agree I used to socially akward but I am now overcoming it.
I have a keen interest in minority rights. My identification with the poor and oppressed can be traced directly to the Witness influence. It hurt! It was particularly bad in elementary and junior high school. I coped by fantasizing that I was a Purtian girl with strict parents. Any historical fiction written for girls was eaten up. I certainly was not raised as a present day kid.
I hated the Wt experience so much I became very driven. Grades were my only measurement of self-esteem. I am addicted to being around bright people and competing civilly. Perhaps I would also have a drive w/o the Witnesses. Repeatedly, I overstudied to the point of hysteria and would break the class curve by knowing trivia. I did not think deeply.
I feel as though I am constantly running in life away from the Witnesses. Altho I left decades ago, I feel they are chasing me. When I am at a pleasant event, such as a rock concert or working in the Senate, my mind thinks how blessed I am.
My life was also determined by severe paternal abuse so I don't know how to separate the elements. I heavily identify as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic or Dysnfunctional Family. It seems I spend much time trying to limit the damage. Until ACA, I thought good grades, education, sexy job were signs that I was free. Now I see how it is not the case. KH attendance caused my disassociation.
Yet to be fair, compared to others in my parents' socioeconomic bracket, the Witnesses exposed me to a lot of written material. The Awake! mag exposed me to much. It is easy to discount it from where I sit now but it served a good purpose during my formative years.
When I see Sunday school classes in session at church, I tear up. Oh, to be loved and to be special just for being. People tell me I am bright and I want to explode. Nice, fun, attractive are also adjectives that can be applied to me. Yes, the Witnesses helped shape me into a doing machine.
