Alright. Now take a deep breath Cordelia and slowly release it.
You have done nothing to your family but try to find a bit of happiness for yourself. If they can't handle the fact that you're finding happiness outside of the organization and are willing to sacrifice their relationships with you over this...then this is THEIR problem...it's NOT your fault. Stop doing that. Stop it right now. I mean really think about this. You want your child to be happy and satisfied in life do you not? Isn't that the ultimate want of a parent usually? You've shown us that through their devotion to this organization that the do NOT CARE about your happiness...they only CARE about you staying in the bOrg. Bwah? Since when did love become a conditional thing to be flipped on and of on whim? Their whole standpoints on loving one another is miserly.
I'm sorry about the argument with your boyfriend. I hope you can mend that, because as you typed there WAS drinking involved...that never leads to good times when one drinks under stress or duress. But you have not lost everything, Cordelia. You have yourself...you have your mind, free from enslavement. You have your child, and you're starting to make a life for yourself...if your boyfriend ends up being in that life, fabulous...if not? Well, I've said it before...you've gotta work on you right now...and it's hard to be in a relationship (not impossible, but it is hard) with someone when you're trying to feel comfortable with yourself.
Throw away your guilt on this, Cordelia. It's been said before...you have a right to freedom of religion and freedom from religion. You have a right to find happiness, and if you can't find with the JWs, then you have a right to find it elsewhere. Please try to remember that...I know it's hard right now; the beginning is a terrifying place to be...but it's not the beginning of the end...it is the END of the beginning. Try to be optimistic...things will get figured out. You go live some truth for yourself, okay?
