Desperately seeking.....

jack w

Hi,

I am new here. This is a great site. I have lurked for a while as a guest though.

I am still "in' you might say. Out mentally, but somewhat 'in' physically. I attend the hall about twice a month, although I am baptized. I haven't been out in service in more than 4 years now.

There was a girl at my hall who was married to some dork, and I have since found out that she has divorced him, but she is not df'd, so there must not have been any messing around (at least none that has been admitted to apparently). Anyway, I have always been secretly in love with her, and I got a definite vibe that she may have been somewhat interested in me as well. She worked as a realtor and I e-mailed her in a lame attempt at establishing some sort of contact w/ her. I asked her in the e-mail if she was still doing real estate, and I received NO response. I then e-mailed back and said the reason I was asking was because I might be interested in a house that she was selling. I still received NO response. What bugs me is that what if I REALLY was interested in the house? Couldn't she have the courtesy to at least e-mail me back and say something? ANYTHING?????? I have never done anything outwardly, or said anything to her that would suggest that I am interested in her, so it doesn't make sense. She has her own web page. I googled her name to find her. I would really like to talk to her and get it off my chest how I feel about her. I wish I had the chance. I sometimes wonder if she would get on a board like this. Her initials are L.G.

I am happy to be here and share some stuff with you all. I have been through a lot over the years with the witnesses. I was married as well, and am very lonely right now. It might sound like I'm a freak, but I'ma pretty normal guy witha good job etc. I've never had trouble with being with women, or dating , or whatever, but this girl is someone I would really like to talk to just so I could get this off my chest and move on. I guess when you get down to it, she is really out of my league. Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant and allowing me the pleasure of joining you all in this fine discussion group. By the way, I'm in Northern Illinois.

jack.

LDH

Couldn't she have the courtesy to at least e-mail me back and say something?

Jack,

Sure she "could." She just doesn't. In these situations you never know what kind of congregation gossip is running rampant. After all, you're considered "inactive" and probably a whole bunch of other JW-isms.

Sorry, but welcome.

Lisa

Confession

You might consider the possibility that she doesn't check her e-mail often. Try giving her a call.

serendipity

Hi Jack W, welcome to the forum!

I'd suggest the direct approach with this woman. Give her a call and ask her out for coffee. I wouldn't waste her time pretending to be interested in a house. I wish you the best.

jack w

I guess I'm too scared of getting shot down. But thanks for the advice. I guess this is what love or infatuation does to a guy.

jack.

Aiesha Harley

Hi Jack w

Welcome to the world of posting, I'm now on my 2nd response ever and am enjoying dipping my toe into the big ocean of what i think will be a big part of the next chapter of my life, finally finding people who have been in similar situations as myself.

If you like this lady in question, and you really want another JW relationship then by all means ask her out, she can only say yes or no. Just be careful, my sister got talking to a chap in the congregation years ago and as soon as the elders saw they practically tried to arrange a marriage !

Don't be afraid to ask a girlie out - we're not all scary monsters, some of us are quite sane, despite our bizarre upbringings, and if she's a nice person she'll accept a coffee and she'll be honest about whether she wants more than friendship.

Good luck and feel free to chat.

Shining One

Jack,
Welcome. No one is 'out of your league' so don't put yourself down. I know that plenty of women are looking for a man who is sane, straight, has a good job! If she doesn't respond just 'brush off your feet' and go on to the next one. Some ex-JWs are the absolute worst. They still love the WBTS and hate anyone who is like them and many that are not. I don't know this woman's story so I am only speculating on her problem of course. Get involved in activities and interests that may allow you to meet someone in a non-threatening and secure environment and just be yourself. Take advantage of the many ways to place ads and do dating in a non-traditional way. God bless and take care.
Rex

jack w

Rex and all,

It's not that I want just anyone, I am really in love/infatuation with this ONE girl. There are a lot of variables involved. I guess I just have to either let it go, or go for it. I'm in a quandry. Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it.

-Jack.

Low-Key Lysmith

jack,

I can see where you're coming from. When I was DF'd @18, I had a pretty serious girlfriend who I was considering pursuing marriage with. The DFing was very sudden and swift. I never got a chance to even say "goodbye" to her as she was a pretty devout JW and wouldn't speak to me even if I had tried to. Years went by and even during a hopeless, short, young marriage, I never stopped thinking about this girl. My Grandma called and told me one day that she had DA'd (the girl, not my Grandma unfortunately) and that she had married some guy and had a couple of kids. That made me feel better about the whole situation because at least I knew that there wasn't a possibility for another romance with her.

A few more years went by. One day I ran into her at a record store. It was all hugs and kisses and "I'm so glad to see you". She was divorced, so was I. We went out that night and hung out and had some drinks, had some laughs, had some sex.....

....A few short days later though we realized that we had both changed so much over the years and we had different goals and lifestyles. We didn't really even like each other on a friendly level. I havn't seen or heard from her since.

The point of all this is that even though I sort of pined over her for years, the closure that I got from seeing her again and actually being able to really say goodbye gave me a lot of peace. I can now give my all in relationships and not always wonder in the back of my mind what it could have been like with her.

I hope you get to talk to this girl. It will likely be a good experience for you whatever the outcome.

Good luck and Happy New Year!

-Breck

Billygoat

breck, I loved hearing your story.

Desperately seeking.....

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