This is dedpoets story of his time in the wt, and of how he left. He's been meaning to write it for some time, but not got around to it. He gave me his permission to post it, as I'm hijacking his pc again. I hope you find it interesting, I sure did, and I already knew quite a bit of it . MY STORY - SURVIVING JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES
This is not a life story, but it is an account of how I saved my own life.though not in a physical sense…..
I wasn’t born into a jw family – my first encounter with the cult, or at least the first one that mattered, came in August 1991. I had moved to Derby the previous
year from a rural village 10 miles away. I had just suffered a personal disappointment, and I suppose I was more than a little vulnerable when the jws came knocking. They spent about 40 minutes with me that first time, and little did I know it then, but the conversation we had that day was to change my life for the next 8 or so years, and ultimately almost destroy it. After a couple of return visits over the next 2 weeks, I accepted an invitation to a meeting at their kingdom hall. I can’t pretend that I understood much of what went on, but the welcome seemed genuine, and I went to a few more meetings after that, as well as starting to study the bible. I was a quick learner, and by January 1992 I had joined the ministry school and become an unbaptised publisher. In July 1992, a few weeks short of a year after that initial first visit, I was baptised and became a fully – fledged jw.
I settled very quickly into life as a jw. On the advice of the elders, I limited contact with my family and pre – jw friends so as not to be weakened spiritually by being around “worldly” – that is, non - witness people. I was zealous in the preaching work, so with the elders encouragement I made further changes in my lifestyle.
I changed my job, becoming a window cleaner so that I could spend more time in service, and in August 1993 became a regular pioneer. By September 1995 I had been appointed a ministerial servant. I was one of the rising stars of the congregation, always on the platform – I had become an accomplished speaker by then, always in the service, life seemed just about perfect, and I was well on the way to becoming an elder. I was, in fact, being groomed for such a role. I was offered, and accepted, more and more assignments, both in the ministry school and in the congregation as a whole, a real “company man”. The only cloud on the horizon in those first 5 years was when a friend was disfellowshipped and I had to join in the shunning process. I did so, because it what was expected of me, but I didn’t enjoy it.
But things changed for me in October 1997, when a close friend from a neighbouring congregation had some marital problems. He was rumoured to be secretly seeing a sister from the same kh, but both had left and the elders were having a difficult time proving this. I saw this brother in , and mentioned it to an elder I was working with. A few days later, this elder and another one from my friend’s congregation came to see me. They wanted to know if I had seen this brother with his alleged girlfriend, but I did not know her well, and could not be certain. That wasn’t good enough for them, however – they wanted me to say I had seen them together, lie in other words, though they didn’t call it that! I stood my ground, thinking that would be the end of it – how wrong I was! The elders at my kh said I was uncooperative, and needed counselling to bring me back into line. The elders at my friends kh wanted to disfellowship him and the sister, and they thought that if they could coerce me into saying I had seen them together, they would be able to accomplish this. However, if I had been prepared to go along with it, I would have had to confront this friend and say that I had seen him with this woman, and I could not, in conscience do this to a friend. I said as much to the elders, but they didn’t care what effect doing this would have on me, they just wanted to be rid of this man, and were angry that I wouldn’t give them the means to do it.. At that time, rumours circulated that a brother in the congregation, himself a ministerial servant, had been abusing his children. He did not deny it, and I felt that he should have at least been removed as a servant. Imagine then how I felt after the next circuit overseers visit a few weeks later, when it was announced that this same brother had been appointed an elder! Within a week of the announcement, I had stood down as a servant, and this appointment was the main reason, as well as the pressure they had put on me previously over my friend. I thought that the police should have been informed about the child abuse case, and said so to the elders, who then threatened me with disciplinary action if I didn’t keep quiet, and, to my shame, I obeyed them.
Despite my cooperation in this matter, things did not improve for me at all, in fact they got worse. From being able to do little wrong, I could now do little right. I was wrongly accused of having a secret affair with a customer on my window cleaning round, and elders and servants took turns to spy on me on non – meeting nights, watching my flat and noting whenever I left or returned. I was then asked to explain my movements on those nights, and the elders grew extremely angry when I refused to give them what they wanted. I was threatened with a public reproof, and told that the elders would “think of a reason” for it if I continued to be uncooperative, it didn’t seem to matter whether the reason was true or not, as long as they could convince the rest of the congregation it was. They didn’t give me a reproof, but they did start rumours of bad conduct by me which were soon circulating the congregation, and despite these rumours being largely untrue, people started to avoid me, apart from a few who had endured similar treatment to me, and I became increasingly isolated. I started to dread going to meetings, but I still half - believed it was the truth, and hoped that things would change in time. And they did – they got worse! I remember the po making insinuations about me regarding children, because, when I was a servant and had service meeting parts, I would try to involve the younger ones, letting them read scriptures or make prepared comments, which they enjoyed, and they missed this when I stepped down, as no – one else really seemed bothered enough to encourage them. However, the po chose to read something more into this, implying that maybe I did it because, in his words, “I rather enjoyed being close to children”. The only reason I didn’t hit him for that was that, if I had, I would have been up on an assault charge, because I would have put him in hospital, but looking back I wish I had hit him.
Another time I broke a bone in my foot at work, and spent almost 7 weeks in plaster. During that time not one elder or servant came to see me or even phoned, and the few people who still supported me were warned to stay away, or else! If it had not been for the Muslim family next door, I don’t know how I would have managed. When I did return to meetings – no-one had offered to help me get there while I was in plaster, despite me asking, the elders criticised me for not attending or going in field service, not an easy thing to do with one foot in plaster! I was lied about and lied to by the elders and other congregation members. I well remember one occasion when I had a talk to deliver, but I had a bad cold and could hardly speak. I phoned the elder responsible for running the ministry school to inform him of this, after already contacting another brother to ask him to cover the talk on my behalf, to which he agreed – he came round to my flat to pick up the notes I had made in preparation. I informed the school overseer of this as well, but the next night he, in company with another elder and the brother who had agreed to cover the talk came to my flat and accused me of failing to turn up for my assignment! Both of them denied ever receiving a phone call from me, this from an organisation that prides itself on always telling the truth! The brother concerned later phoned me privately and admitted he had been pressured by the elders to lie – they wanted to get rid of me – get me to go elsewhere to worship, because I was viewed as a trouble maker due to the fact I stood up to them .On another occasion I was counselled for not commenting at any of the group discussion meetings at the kh. I pointed out that I put my hand up many times but was ignored. The elders disputed this and called me a liar, citing it as another example of how I was trying to cause friction in the congregation. By November 1999 I could take no more, I dreaded going to the kh, and although I still believed in many of the jws teachings,, I stopped attending meetings, and haven’t set foot in a kh since, and never will do again.
Leaving was not easy, however. The elders continued to call and phone, always finding fault with me – I hadn’t said I had stopped going altogether then, and I had to move to another part of , and change my phone number, to get some peace. Of course, they eventually tracked me down, a friend I thought I could trust told them my address and phone number, and the abuse started again, much worse this time. I was accused of several affairs, none of which were true, using drugs, which I had never done, and theft from the congregation when I was accounts servant, another fabrication. This was in 2000, and went on for a few months, but eventually they lost interest in me, and until recently had left me alone.
I gradually started to rebuild my social life, which for almost 9 years had revolved round the jws, gave up window cleaning and found another job and started to put my jw days behind me. I threw all my jw literature away – I haven’t even got a bible now – and started to make new friends outside the cult. I must confess to a feeling of guilt when I first went out in the world again, however, and the first time I had sex, well over a year since my last kh visit, I felt dirty, due of course to the years of jw conditioning regarding mixing socially with “the world”. Gradually, I improved socially, but the new friends I made were unaware of my jw past, and I would avoid talk of religion if I could. If asked directly, I would deny ever being involved in a religion: I wasn’t trying to deceive people, I just couldn’t bear to talk about my experiences in the jws for fear of reopening wounds which had not yet healed, and may never do so. I was a more outgoing person pre – jw, but as most of those who have escaped know, the cult tries to rob us of our individuality, it makes it easier to keep us in line. I have regained some of my former exuberance, but not all of it, and perhaps I never will.
I have never been disfellowshipped by the jws, though I have done things in the last few years to have warranted such action, in their eyes anyway. However, after almost 5 years of being left alone, the jws started to take an interest in me again. They wanted to know where I stood spiritually. I felt no sense of gratitude for their renewed interest, so I decided to take my own action and, on July 25 th 2005, the 13 th anniversary of the worst mistake I made in my whole life, the day of my baptism,into the jw cult, I finally did what I should have done years before and sent a letter to the UK hq formally disassociating myself from the jws. This was announced a few days later, and I can now say that I am not a jehovahs witness – I am free of them, if not of the effect they had on my life. I no longer believe they have the truth, and am not certain that truth in a religious sense even exists. What I am certain of is that, if it does, they do not have it. I can now see the jw leadership for what they really are – a lying, thieving bunch of hypocrites who rule the people they ensnare with their false promises of a better future by fear and intimidation. They talk about being an organisation based on love when they wouldn’t recognise a loving act if it hit them full in the face.They frown on legal activities like smoking and sex outside of marriage, but hide paedophiles within their congregations by means of their, in these type of cases anyway, ludicrous rule of there having to be at least two witnesses to any wrongdoing – when are there EVER two witnesses to such acts? The brother I studied with is now in prison, doing 7 years for sexually assaulting children, one of the few from that cult who has been caught , and it was this, along with the elders renewed interest in me, that finally gave me the impetus to da, I do not want to be associated even in the smallest way with an organisation that allows such people in its midst – the elders knew about him, and were about to make him an elder when he was arrested, and were prepared to help pay towards his defence when prosecuted, whilst persecuting his victims,. Happily for his victims, he had enough decency left to plead guilty, so they did not have to re – live their experiences in court, but the elders have not disfellowshipped him – he will be welcomed back when released. As a “repentant witness in good standing with the congregation”. So much for their proud boast of keeping their congregations clean!
As for the future, I will just take things as they come and go where life leads me, but I know it won’t lead me back into the jws, I would rather have my teeth pulled out without anaesthetic than go back to that, the pain would be less! I will never set foot in another kingdom hall, or even a kingdom hall car park, especially the one I used to attend. I truly hate the jw religion in general now, and I endured too much misery in that kh to ever risk a repeat performance, once is far more than enough. Most of my former “brothers” and “sisters” now shun me, but that’s ok, I really have nothing in common with them anymore. After almost 6 years of keeping quiet about my past, I am now an active anti – jw, with the purpose of helping others to escape this evil cult, or persuading those thinking of joining to come to their senses before they get too far down the road to slavery to turn back easily. If I can rescue one person from having to endure what I endured, the effort will be worthwhile. The boys in Brooklyn fooled me once, they won’t do it twice, I have survived jehovahs witnesses, how lucky I am!