Just thinking out loud.....

schne_belly

I was born and raised a JW. However over the last year my husband and I gradually have faded away. Several times we’ve had discussions with my parents, whom are both in, regarding our disgust for the org and the reason for our decision to leave. They do seem to get upset by how some former “friends” from the hall now treat us, as well as the discrepancies from the Watchtower. I guess not upset enough to follow our lead though. They believe leaving is not the answer. As the common JW saying goes, “Where else would you go?”

My dad is pretty easy going, so usually just stays off the subject. Both of my parents associate with us on a regular basis, so I’m thankful for that. However, my mother (I’m her only child) has been giving me the “on again off again” cold shoulder over the past few months. Not directly, but I can subtly see our relationship is changing.

While growing up I had this special bond with my mom, she was my best friend. Now that she and I don’t share the same beliefs of how we worship God, this bond has been broken. My question is, was this bond only in existence before BECAUSE of our common religious beliefs? Was it never truly there to begin with? I feel that she dislikes the person I’ve become. Feeling that your parents are disappointed in you is one of the hardest things to deal with. Deciding to continue your course of action, despite their disappointment, can be even harder. I don’t know what kind of answers I’m looking for. I know my situation is not unique by any means. Am I just to sensitive?

AuldSoul

Am I just to sensitive?

No. But, take heart. It is impossible for your mother to remain loyal to an organization that no longer exists. Then she will have to revise her standards on what is deserving of parental pride.

Respectfully,
AuldSoul

jgnat

Feeling that your parents are disappointed in you is one of the hardest things to deal with. Deciding to continue your course of action, despite their disappointment, can be even harder.

I call this maturity. I cannot please my father, whom I admire deeply for his intelligence and integrity. I am in my mid-forties and I am just now reconciling myself to this. I do what is right for me. And, if my choices make him steam and fume, well, he just has to live with it, doesn't he?

Sentient

schne_belly-

AlmostAtheist

My question is, was this bond only in existence before BECAUSE of our common religious beliefs? Was it never truly there to begin with? I feel that she dislikes the person I’ve become.

No way to say for certain of course, but I think it's unlikely that your mother was a good buddy for you only because of your shared faith. My guess is that she misses that level of relationship, too.

The feelings are still there, but are being overridden by her feelings of sorrow at losing you (you're dying at your own hand, in her view) and her feelings of loyalty to her God which she feels you're rejecting. How can she be friends with you, when you won't be friends with her God? But how can she NOT be friends with you, when you're her daughter?

She's conflicted and will likely waffle around. Some days she'll be all about reestablishing your relationship, other days she'll be more likely to shun you.

I'm sorry that it's this way, and I hate it. I wish I could snap my fingers and make it all go away. :-(

Dave

inbyathread

Schne - wow, heavy sigh.

My question is, was this bond only in existence before BECAUSE of our common religious beliefs? Was it never truly there to begin with? I feel that she dislikes the person I’ve become. Feeling that your parents are disappointed in you is one of the hardest things to deal with.

This is a question not for you, but your mom to answer . If you get a chance to 'just talk' with your mom, on one of her good days, maybe you can ask her. "Was I conceived because You and Dad were JW's?" You should get an answer that it happened because they loved each other and wanted a child together. Then you can ask "Why should the religion then, dictate how you treat me."

Her On-again - Off-again treatment of you is significant of the high-pressure control that the organization has on it's people. She feels the tug of being a mother and being pulled back to the control of the organization and the need to dislike what you've become (Sorry for those words. I know you better) My folks (not in this organization) have supported my decisions no matter what they've been. Good and Bad. They don't use their religion to base their actions on how they treat me. It is a case of unconditional love. Something that JW's cannot fathom.

When I told my folks about the situations happening in my family. they were shocked to hear but never said, "I told you so! That religion is bad" They listened and never once told me what to do. They did let me know that I could come back to their church. When I told them that there were some doctrinal differences that I would need to work out first. They left it at that. Never condemming.

Talk with your Mom on her good days. Stay calm on her bad days. But never stoop to her level and say something you will regret later.

Bryan

I firmly believe that the relationship you and your mother shared was genuine. It is her brainwashing/mind conditioning that is kicking in. You may even consider it "Survival Mode". She may see her association with you as distructive to her standing with the Watchtower, which -in her mind- would lead to her distruction.

Sorry hear of it; so many of us experience it.

Bryan

Have You Seen My Mother

schne_belly

--thanks and bless you all!

I tell myself that my paretns are "different"....they do love me unconditionally. They know me better than to think I'm " bad association" and to listen to those who say such things about me and my family. However some days, I just get overwhelmed with all the emotions I have and I even question that. I fear loosing them to the "system". It achs to see how at times they stoop to the level of other JW's in their treatment to me. They really are good people, just lost, like so many.

I will to be more positive and believe that my relationship with them will only grow stronger because of this experience.

inbyathread

Schnee Back when "we" were in the organization we thought bad that someone would get caught up in "the system" or satans world. Now that we are out the language has changed. Losing someone to 'the system" is now the organization.

But we now know that Jehovah is a just and caring God. I think your parents are safe.

IBAT

atypical

Sorry to hear about your situation. I agree with Dave, it is very unlikely that your mother's love was based on sharing the same faith. It's just that she has been taught to believe that your life is in grave danger if you are not a witness. This is obviously very upsetting to her, because she loves you. In the end, that love may be the catalyst that lets her finally question the watchtower corp.

Just thinking out loud.....

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