**sigh** i'm just going to write until i get it all out.....
i wish i could just lock myself in my office and sleep this away. i feel like there's this heavy boulder around my shoulders and it's just pulling me downdowndown...i think it started last night when i tried to play my guitar...but i'm no good at it...you know that feeling where you KNOW how and what you want to be...but you can't b/c you just suck at it...i want to be an accomplished musician singer...but i can't sing and i don't have an ear for music. i feel like i have no talents...i can't sing, can't play music, can't draw. i would like to write a book, but i'm too dumb and my stories always sound like the uneducated ramblings of any other 20 year old female. everytime i write a post...it sounds smart as i'm typing it, but when i go back and read it, i sound like a damn teenager. i want to sound smart and educated. i mean...i was reading john grisham novels in the 2nd grade...why don't i sound that smart???
i was working my way up the pole at work...then somehow i got DEMOTED and the position that i thought i was going to get ended up going to someone else...why does that happen? i worked so hard! i did every little thing they asked...smiling the entire time...nothing to show for it...
i miss my mom...as much as i can't stand her i miss her b/c...well...she's my mother.
i'm over a week late...but i keep taking tests and it's always negative...what's wrong w/ me???? i know it sounds like i think i'm pregnant every other day...but i can't help it...i'm a natural worrier. in my mind, i'm always pregnant until i'm popping midol.
plus i stepped in dog crap this morning...it won't come off so now my shoe smells.....great....