I was very stressed my entire time as a JW. I grew up as a stressed child, because only my mother was JW. My dad was "worldly", so of course there were always issues there. I was also the oldest child, so it was on my shoulders to be the example for my siblings. My mother was never really "strong" in the JW faith, so once I started studying with a sister in the KH and really starting "making the truth my own", I felt stressed, because I felt like it was up to me to study with my siblings, take them in service, take them to the meetings, etc. I felt like I had to be the mother. Plus, going door-to-door and speaking in front of the congregation always made me extremely nervous. I was very shy, and didn't really talk much, so getting up and speaking in front of people just killed me. I would get up there, and my mind would go COMPLETELY blank, my knees would start shaking, and I would get really light-headed and nauseated. But I kept doing it, so that I could be the "good little girl". Then at the end, the stress of trying to be someone that I wasn't just got to me. Plus, all that time, all the effort I put into it, and to only have the thought that "maybe" I would be saved at Armageddon? Nothing is worth that. They definitely taught me how to increase my stress levels, that's for sure.
How stressed were you as a JW?
by JH 25 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
jonsey
It's funny you should mention it...I have a Disc Jockey company and thanks to the JW's I entertain all types of occassions... www.mikesmobiledj.com Just kidding...I was pretty outgoing kind of guy but to speak in front of a large group...it was pretty dicey at times. As far as field service...what was worse...waking some one up at 9am or catching them home during the week when they just got home. I swear...there should have been days were we could have been ambulance bound to a hospital.
Mike
-
-
schne_belly
I guess while I was still an active JW, I didn't realize how stressed I really was......
Now that I have left, I can see what happiness really is. I thought my mood swings were normal, but I don't get many anymore.... I thought my low self esteem was normal, but It's improved since leaving. My marriage is better, I'm more at peace with myself and others. I find joy in living and look forward to each and every day. Nothing in my life has changed besides leaving the org.
-
JH
Burning hemorrhoids brother prophecor
-
-
prophecor
Actually, most of the stress came from being outside of the organisation. Never having met the qualifications for baptism until some 17 years after learning about Jehovah. All those years there was an invisible bullseye on my back, waiting for Jehovah to get done what he needed to get done. I was always viewing Jehovah as a disaster in my rear view mirror that was just waiting to happen. Constantly on the run.
Once I got inside, how do you deal with the endless guilt of having wrestled with God, all those years being outside in the world? All I ever felt like was target practice for Jehovah. Now that I'm in, all I can do is try to make up for all the lost years of having known the truth, and walking away from it.
I finally stumble and fall, (dont know why I wasn't expecting that to happen) only to find myself back in the world again. Pre Jehovah's Witness terror, and post Jehovah's Witness terror. In the middle, all I could do was do the Mr. Roboto as a finalised DUB. I was only existing in the KH. I was well on my way to being a "Stepford DUB".
Then one day, finally while outside the fishbowl, I found this website, and all you folks. The rest is history. I'm still stressed, but it's a different kind of stress. It's called " Having gotten a life! "
-
greendawn
That was a very stressful environment since the org demanded so much from the R&F and gave next to nothing in return, there was nothing there intellectually, socially, culturally so that's why I left. In addition they were trying to intimidate you with a vengeful destructive God, and an armageddon that was just round the corner and telling you that everything you work for will be written off if you fall once.
-
KimKat
Stressed is not the word for it. I am a nervous person anyway (but maybe I wouldn't be if not for JWs) I felt like I was in a fog all the time - depression.
Anyway - raised a JW - everything was always for show. No matter what happened at home, behind closed doors - a happy family face was to be put on. If it was not - or if we kids slipped and made anyone question our 'happy family', believe me we paid for it later. (ever had to go on a family ride to watch your dad 'get rid' of a 'bad pet' with a hammer? - and wonder what would happen if you were a bad kid?) we learnedright away to keep our mouths shut and our faces in a fixed fake smile. When I was beginning to realize that things were very very wrong - I lost so much weight I was just bones. (Of course I have gained it all back now!!) Just the stress of knowing that I was going to leave about made me crazy - I think if my dad wouldn't of been dead - I don't know if I would have had the nerve to leave or not. I had know for years JWs were wrong - but was too afraid. Things are so much better now - breathing problems all but gone - even my kids are not sick all the time like they use to be - my one boy use to get horriable headaches at every meeting. I feel guilty that I forced all of the religion thing on them. Thank god that they are ok now.
-
jeanniebeanz
I seemed to waffle between angry and numb, but I don't think you could call it stress.
Jean
