Shunned by a JW leading a double life

by misspeaches 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • misspeaches
    misspeaches

    BLISSISIGNORANCE - hi luv! still luving your guts... Yep they are who you think they are indeed.

    god i'm glad i'm away, not from the smokers or drug poppers but from the double life and hypocricy.

    Hear hear... me too!

    TallTexan - Thanks for sharing your story. Its amazing what double lives people lead. I can just imagine that brother about to die when he saw you and your wife in the audience!

    they rationalize that anything they do is o.k., because even though they are weak they at least still believe.

    Weak being the operative word. Weak to live the way the WTBTS dictates, weak to examine if what they believe is true or not.

    Odrade - He's an idiot. Well said. I must agree.

    curlygirl - Good point. And I must admit the thought crossed my mind. I though perhaps it may be a situation of I have dirt on you you have dirt on me situation and that may deter him.

    InquiryMan - "and thus are not free from the JWs bondage" so true... it is a bondage. But no need for hypocrisy.

    greendawn - you got it right

    but it also appears that they've got powerful shoulders at the KH, or some high status, and that renders them immune to the fear of getting disfellowshipped because they are quite blatant about what they do.

    They have a family that is very well known in the area and have immunity.

    Van Gogh - Thanks for your comments. And I appreciate your reasons why you can't elaborate into your recent situation. I hope that things work out for you and the PO leaves you alone.

    tetrapod.sapien - hi ya gorgeous! Your ex-best friend sounds like my old best friend too. Drinks like its going out of fashion. But has taken it upon themselves to yell at me in the supermarket for abandoning Jehovah in the past.

    Spectrum - I think Richard is confused. I think he has an inner battle going on to be quite honest. My opinion is that he is only in it to keep in contact with his relatives.

    delilah - Good greif sound like that elder is one of those who do it for the power trip.... Thanks for your wise advice.

    may need to reassure him, that you are not interested in what he is doing, therefore he need not fear you, but he has no right to treat you like he has been.

    I may try something similar to this.

    Finally-Free and FairMind - hehehe... It was my intial thought. To dob them in. My BF wants to do it. He thinks that if they get disphellowshipped it will be doing them a favour. How funny. I still not sure what to do though.

    ballistic - I don't think they have any morals at all. How can these people go about like they are better than anyone else. Its not normal behaviour and not accepted by society in general.

    joelbear - thanks for writing.

    it gives them a psychological way to think they are better than "the world" even though they are just like everyone else with their own particular vices.

    and its just a game i don't want to play ever again....

    GetBusyLiving - I like how you describe these types as cowardly garbage. I guess in a round about way your right. At least I don't have to talk to such gutless wonders and associate with them at meetings anymore.

  • serendipity
    serendipity

    Hi talltexan,

    Your comment was interesting.

    When I was married, my wife was a healthcare recruiter. She had recruited this guy for the local hospital and he came into town for a visit. We, being inactive at the time, took him to a few local bars and he proceeded to get loaded and talk about picking up women, and how loose were the chicks in this town, etc.
    Not only is this guy a hypocrite, he's not too bright. Why would he get drunk around a recruiter, and then talk negatively about women in front of your wife? Did he not think that might jeopardize his chances at the job?
  • BLISSISIGNORANCE
    BLISSISIGNORANCE

    Missssssssssssssss...................love yours too!

    Maybe i'm more evil than even i know, but i would be thinking of a way to get these 2 nailed.

    The way the whole family operates (and i know them personally......all of them, but am friends with the shunned father) how they shun the father that didn't get invited to the wedding, how they go to doors while one of the sons has stolen property under the bed and the jw mum knows, how they expose the sins of the one they want dféd for personal revenge yet cover worst sins for the child they have living at home to protect their social life....................etc, et-bloody-c............i feel quite mad about this.

    I would dob them in!!!!!!!!! seriously, it would set a few things straight! how dare they?????????

    And the wedding. you must do what you want, don't let anyone interfer. but your b/f needs to be very sensitive to your past and present situation with these 2 guys. it's more complicated for you than just seeing them at the wedding. the one who shunned his father needs a lesson taught. but then that's only me, you need to do what is right for you.

    anyhow, give me a call ok luv

  • misspeaches
    misspeaches

    BLISS!!!

    Unfortunately there is no 'luv your guts' emoticon for me to put here.... sob sob. The words themselves will have to suffice.

    I understand exactly why you would feel so annoyed and mad about the situation especially in the light of the history of this family. I am still contemplating if I am going to do anything about it.

    Your right as well. Why should I relax my stance on the issue and invite someone who openly shuns his father. It goes against all my principles.

    I think a phone call is definately in order. I'd call you now but busy at work, unlike yourself who is still on holidays dammit, but we will certainly discuss this further soonest!

  • jwfacts
    jwfacts

    Hi Peachy, I love confrontation so this is what i would do.

    Next time you see them go up to them as say you dont like being shunned or glared at. You are willing to overlook their bad practices provided they treat you with common respect. However, if they do not show respect you will alert the elders of their behaviour so that they too can understand the feeling of being shunned.

    That will induce a huge amount of panic in them. Blackmail? I'm sure there must be a better term for it.

  • misspeaches
    misspeaches

    OMG JWFacts... That is gold! I love it.... I can see the look on their faces now. I think this is an excellent suggestion!

  • Thechickennest
    Thechickennest

    Ms. Peachi:

    This reminds me of the time when I was trying to expain to my psychiatrist about some of my JW friends (when was still a JW) In total frustration one day he finally asked..."Don't you have any "normal" friends?!" I do now of course after getting loose from the JW's! JW's really do some bizzarre stuff, all the while trying to maintain the bizzare JW required behaviors in addition to the double or many lives thing.....My wife works in a small doctors practice. She left JW's when I did and we are known as the 'apostates" in this area. Two of my wife's coworkers are JW's. They try to shun her, then they try to maintain a certain behavior of modesty and appropriateness around her and in the community at large they are known to live on edge of what it takes to be witnesses. One of them is married to a registered sex offender! He is a witness! Then they try to act so high and mighty! My wife is a gem, she treats them with way more respect than they deserve. Thanks for sharing! I found it most amusing!

  • misspeaches
    misspeaches

    Thechickennest - Thank YOU for sharing. It's amazing how sometimes someone will say or ask us something and reality sets in.

    "Don't you have any "normal" friends?!"

    So true. The reasoning behind certain behaviours, the no one can be wore than us no matter what we do. The whole mentality. It's just not normal.

    Sounds like your wife is a sensible lady as well. Not letting them get to her. The shunners are the ones with the real problems.

  • JustTickledPink
    JustTickledPink

    What's really sad is these both guys probably believe it's the "truth" and they probably feel guilty about not being able to follow all the rules. They probably being closed doors lay in bed and think about how they are so sinful, not worthy, they probably carry around guilt. They haven't gotten smart enough to take a real hard look at the religion or their lives and figure out that they could be happy without the organization.

    I just feel sad for them. That type of life is pure insanity.

  • sass_my_frass
    sass_my_frass

    I would compare that to the story of my lesbian witness friend who I'm not allowed to visit, because her lesbian witness housemate and former partner shuns me. A little perspective and manners from the shunner would go a long way, but as she's surrounded by witness family and friends who are happy to ignore the situation as long as nobody brings it up, she's probably just afraid that somebody like me will.

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