Words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a hunting trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-__expression, male bonding.
7. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
AND;
He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . .You wear pants don't you?
He said . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said .. . We don't know; it has never happened.
He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
He said.......How about a quickie?
She said......As opposed to what?
I think this was writen by a Women!
by qwerty 12 Replies latest social humour
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qwerty
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Gretchen956
very cute!
Sherry
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qwerty
Sherry What me or the post? Dave
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serendipity
Hi qwerty,
You're both cute.
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jeanniebeanz
7. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.I positively HATE this. Any man who does it at my house loses remote control priveledges, or gets a serious spanking!
He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
hahahahahahahahahah........ Ain't it the truth??
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror! -
TresHappy
Funny!
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qwerty
serendipity > Thanks
jeanniebeanz > I'll take the spanking, I come and play with the remote?
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greendawn
Lovely humour though I didn't understand this:
He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
The funniest one for me is:
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. -
qwerty
Greendawn - you said.. "Lovely humour though I didn't understand this: He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!" He's got fat because he's eaten all the food she's spent on food! Q
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zagor
How interesting,
Here are few more to balance it out.
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Want to know what the person is REALLY like behind those "nice" descriptions in Singles Ads? Here are some translations.
DANDY LITTLE HOUSE KEEPER:
She has been married three times and kept all the housesFINE CHARACTER
She's an ex-hookerKNOWS HOW TO HANDLE MONEY:
She's a spend thrift and great at spending yoursSTRONG FAMILY TIES:
She's a Mafia PrincessLOVES CHILDREN:
She's pregnant and needs a husbandWONDERFUL PERSONALITY:
She's fatGREAT SENSE OF HUMOR:
She's fat and will laugh at anything you sayTHE OUTDOOR TYPE:
She hunts, fishes, chews tobacco, just like the guysREADY TO SETTLE DOWN:
She's thirty-five, in a state of panic, and dying to marryLIKES TO HAVE A GOOD TIME:
She gets drunk every time she goes outLOTS OF FUN AT PARTIES:
Often makes an ass of herselfMATURE WOMAN:
She's at least thirty, but looks at least forty-fiveHAS THE APPEARANCE OF A YOUNG SCHOOL GIRL:
She's at least thirty-three, but dresses like a teenagerCASUAL:
She dresses like a slobDECORATED HER OWN PLACE:
Her apartment resembles a pig styA GREAT DANCER:
She's a StripperNOT OVERLY EMOTIONAL:
She only cries twenty-seven times a dayDOESN'T CHASE MEN:
She's more of a mousetrap or a black widow spider typeSELDOM DATES:
She's a lesbian who needs a male escort for somethingUNDERSTANDS MEN:
She's been married and divorced four timesA GOOD SPORT:
She knows two hundred jokes & can drink you under the tableLOOKS AND DRESSES LIKE A MODEL:
She's five eleven and weighs seventy-three poundsBEEN IN SHOW BUSINESS:
She's a former porn movie starKNOWS A LOT OF INTERESTING PEOPLE:
None of whom would marry her
-----------------------------------------Nothing personal, just plain fun ;)
... and here are some rules of engagement
1. The FEMALE always makes the rules.
2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification...by the FEMALE.
3. No MALE can possibly know all the rules.
4. If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of them.
5. The FEMALE is never wrong.
6. If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.
7. The MALE must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstandings.
8. The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.
9. The MALE must never change his mind without the express written consent of the FEMALE.
10. The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The FEMALE must, under no circumstances, let the MALE know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The MALE is expected to "mind read" at all times.
14. The MALE who doesn't abide by the rules; can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp!
15. Any attempt to document the rules could result in bodily harm.
16. The FEMALE is ready when SHE is ready.
17. The MALE must be ready at ALL times