Shunning

sass_my_frass

I've had a bit of a breakthrough in realising that the disfellowshipping has achieved the exact opposite of what it was supposed to; it was supposed make me see the seriousness of my error and want to return, but it has instead made me see that if it is actually a big deal, it's god who forgives, not these guys, and it's driven me completely away. They think that holding to ransom my relationships with old friends and relatives will make it worth the struggle, but... to be honest I don't want conditional love from anybody. I think I'll eventually feel an occasional background sadness over three good friends I'll never see again, and I'll miss that history we had together. My family though... no, I'm recovering from the guilt of 'what I've done to them'. They have made the choice to shun me, and I don't want that kind of behaviour in my life. Getting there...

wanderlustguy

Thanks for sharing that perspective.

AuldSoul

They have made the choice to shun me

AMEN!

I don't want that kind of behaviour in my life.

And AMEN!

That is the exact same line of reasoning that helped me to go ahead and write my letter to the BOE. They can claim it was a mandate from God all they want, they made the choice how to apply everything in my letter and what sentence to execute. Every individual who chooses to shun me does so of their own will, they don't have to shun me.

I don't need that kind of "friend," now or ever. If they are willing to learn otherwise, I will surely forgive them. But as long as their loyalty to strangers who send edicts from on high is stronger than their loyalty to those they KNOW, I will spare as little emotion on them as I can manage.

Respectfully,
AuldSoul (of the "Getting there...too" class)

drew sagan

It's good to know that you have got it. Some many people who are disfellowshiped become depressed and think that since they can't live up to mans standards they are bad people.

Many people get disfellowshiped for sinful conduct. I heard a DO once say that we disfellowship people because we had what is sinful and wish to uphold what is right. Didn't jesus hate what is sinful? Yet he encouraged the people who where the deepest into a bad course of life.

More than anything, I feel disfellowshiping is a way for the Witnesses to hold controll over their members. Instead of being a provision for people, it is a way to push people away from the Cong. that don't support all their ideals.

Es

well done babe. It gets easier and easier. You have a wonderful life with you and hubby your in a better position than anyone of them

es

MsMcDucket

and it's driven me completely away. They think that holding to ransom my relationships with old friends and relatives will make it worth the struggle, but... to be honest I don't want conditional love from anybody.

It has driven me completely away, too; but I can't give up on my kids. I think that they are being blinded by the society. Also, from reading "The Best of" section, I learned that this could, possibly, be a stage that my children are going through. I know that my oldest rebelled against the religion, didn't take to it at all. She went the opposite direction. I was, constantly, trying to keep her out of trouble. She did, eventually, settle down. Of course, she's more than delighted that I have come to my senses in that I no longer believe in that religion. I didn't give up on my oldest. So, I can't give up on my twins. I hope to always love my girls and to be there for them when they need me or want me. Edited to say: The best of section story that I read was "Shattered Faith".

yesidid

it is a way to push people away from the Cong. that don't support all their ideals.

I agree drew.

Actually it is a weapon they use as one would use a gun. "If you don't do (insert whatever you think) we will shoot (disfellowship) you.

yesidid

Confession

It just seems so childish to me. That's how I secretly felt even as a zealous JW.

"What?! You're not going to do what I want?! Well then I'll take my ball and go home! And I'll talk all of our mutual friends into ignoring you! That oughtta teach you! Harumph!"

I remember the WTS printing somewhere about how improper it was for a person to give their marriage mate "the silent treatment." I recall thinking that disfellowshipping and shunning was actually just a more profound type of silent treatment.

troubled mind

I agree so much with the comments made here on this subject. I have always been at odds with myself over the treatment of DF'D individuals. If someone chooses a different life let them go,but stop acting so childish when it comes to treating them as if dead. My husband has a brother that has been Df'd for about 10yrs,since he was 18.I don't think my husband has seen him or spoke to him except once that whole time.My mother -in-law will call and tell me how awful she feels not knowing his wife or child,and I tell her", no one is putting a gun to your head, you can choose to make ammends with him it is up to you." But she won't go against JW thought .I can not understand this reasoning as a mother ,nothing , no one will come between myself and my children.

AlmostAtheist

They think that holding to ransom my relationships with old friends and relatives will make it worth the struggle, but... to be honest I don't want conditional love from anybody.

So you're saying you don't negotiate with terrorists? I've heard some civilized nations say the same thing. Sounds like a good idea.

Good for you, and thanks for sharing!

Dave

Shunning

Share this