sexual compatability

by Cowboy 12 Replies latest social relationships

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  Cowboy

  This subject has been touched on by some recent threads,but not addressed directly.So here goes.....Just how important is sexual compatability in a marriage or other long term relationship?Should it be important enough to dissolve an existing long term relationship?Or should the partners be willing to compromise their level of desire in order to keep peace?
  My thoughts are that sex and intimacy in general are a big part of any relationship.They are necessary components in maintaining the communication,trust and happiness that is the foundation for a marriage,or other long term relationship.If sex and intimacy are absent from a relationship,eventually the rest of the relationship will erode away as well.

  Cowboy

  "I know there's a balance,I see it when I swing past"-John Mellencamp
• 

  Seven

  Hi Cowboy,

  If sex and intimacy are absent from a relationship, eventually the rest of the relationship will erode away as well.

  True, in most cases for some, depending on the depth of their love and commitment for each other. You didn't mention it but I assume you're talking about couples, married or otherwise who are in love. What if one's partner were stricken with a serious or terminal illness and unable to perform? Would this relationship be doomed? I would hope to discover other ways of being intimate with my partner aside from sex. Openness and an unselfish attitude would be key in a situation such as this.

  I would never consider entering into a marriage or long term relationship will someone I wasn't sexually compatable with. It's all part of the package of what makes us desire and ultimately fall in love. I think people realize early on in a relationship what their levels of desire are and if they are on the same page. If you are true to yourself and are up front with your partner, then it just might be forever.
• 

  waiting

  Well, howdy 7!

  This is the thread you decide to be "vocal" about?

  Go figure............

  waiting

  ps Must icq soon!
• 

  Seven

  Hey Waiting! How ya doin'? It's good to see you're still interested in topics of this nature, being married and all. I'm glad to see someone venture into that great unknown-"other forums."

  Seven

  Btw, Miss you! We'll icq soon.
• 

  stephenw20

  Seven

  "I would never consider entering into a marriage or long term relationship will someone I wasn't sexually compatable with. It's all part of the package of what makes us desire and ultimately fall in love. I think people realize early on in a relationship what their levels of desire are and if they are on the same page. If you are true to yourself and are up front with your partner, then it just might be forever."

  As Rob Reiners mother said in the deli scene of WHEN HARRY MET SALLY after MEG FAKES the BIG "O"

  "I 'll have what SHE Is having..........."

  brillinatly said sister!

  I would add this . Many times in relationship, especially when bound by ~paper~, we EXPECT certain components to a relationship , perhaps certain things from our partner. It is not wrong IMHO to want these items, but we may be missing the best part of what a PERSON CAN BE if we are focused on what WE need from them , instead of what they are capable of giving.

  In sexual terms, especialy in the JW or even former JW context there is much BS to get through to OPEN communication to be able to even clearly get across what you migth like or not.

  We lived in side fences before , and even with them gone , we at times stay within the boundry of where the fence use to be.

  .......enough babble!
  S
• 

  Cowboy

  Seven and Stephen,thanks for your replies.You bring out some good points.

  The situation I'm referring to is different than it came across in my post.I am referring to two healthy individuals who originally thought that they shared the same desires,only to find that a few years down the road,those desires have changed,

  I think,though,that in this case-the change in intimacy is a result of other problems.One partner being unhappy with the other,chooses not to be intimate,either because they are upset with the other and thus have no desire,or as a way to hurt their partner(probably a combination of both).Either way,it becomes a habit to deny intimacy.Which in turn,leads the other partner to be dissatisfied,and unwilling to work on the original problem.Such things start out with something fairly insignificant,but they tend to snowball quickly.

  So maybe I should change the title of my thread from sexual compatability to incompatability.......

  Anyway,thanks for your replies.

  Cowboy
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  waiting

  HEY SEVEN!!!!!

  If I've insinuated that it's not appropriate for you to be on this thread - I apoligize.

  My intent was to rub you for being on this thread and not the cooking/music/poetry threads - were you seem to live.

  Being smart and all..........

  You are my sunshine - I would never seriously insult you. I may try and kid you to proper embarrassment - but that's different.

  If I've offended in any way - it was not my intent.

  waiting

  As to the subject of this thread.....

  Sex is essentially just a matter of good lighting. Noel Coward
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  Seven

  Hey waiting, No offense taken. See my reply on the music thread.

  Seven
• 

  SixofNine

  Waiting knows all about it, WT style:

  "If I've ...sin..ed..it's...appropriate for you.."

  "My intent was to rub you.....where you seem to live."

  "Sex is essentially good..... I may try...you...that's different."
• 

  peterstride

  I realize that someone else already quoted one of Seven's paragraphs....but, I must admit that I also have to agree with Seven's thoughts on the matter that:

  "I would never consider entering into a marriage or long term relationship will someone I wasn't sexually compatable with. It's all part of the package of what makes us desire and ultimately fall in love. I think people realize early on in a relationship what their levels of desire are and if they are on the same page. If you are true to yourself and are up front with your partner, then it just might be forever."

  It is very true that no matter how good someone looks to me, no matter how much we may have in common, no matter how good friends we can become, no matter how much there's a meeting of the minds...it comes down to how we feel with each other when we're "cuddling" in bed. And sometimes, you have to give it a bit of time to see if you're going to be on the same page together or not!

  Just my thoughts on the matter...

  Peter Stride
  Toronto, Canada