Hmm
Over the years since fading i've been to a few different churches, Baptist, Anglican, Pentecostal, I enjoy the services, usually get something out of it but still find it hard to committ. (the pentcostal had me a bit scared, they have a sunday afternoon service for families which is more reserved, although still full on, two hours, the singing is fantastic, but the evening service is more way out, and freaked me out a bit!)
the pastor waited outside my house a few weeks later when I didn't come back (small town, everyone knows everyone else!) and told me that the Lord had wonderful plans for my life. I agreed, and said I had wonderful plans for my life too. He saw my husband at work later and said that he was sorry that maybe he had scared me away).
but the thing is that as much as i want to believe that there is something there, I still don't know. It seems crazy after all these years and how old I am, you'd think I'd have my act together by now! But it's not as if I agonise over it all the time, I get on with life, and enjoy life, enjoy spending time with my gorgeous kids and husband, and live life to the fullest. (sometimes so full that it's stop the world I want to get off!)
I've told God if he exists that it's too hard, at the judging he'll read my heart and know that my witness upbringing has made this conflict and that I'm genuine. And if he doesn't like that then I wouldn't want to be part of it anyway. You know if my husband believed, and wanted to go to church then it would be easy to go because it is "nice"!, but he doesn't so that's that.
I'm dithering now.......
best wishes everyone
D:)
p.s. LT I miss your hat and think you need a new one, how about a "see you Jimmy" cap?! ;)