I had an epiphany

by lostlantern 10 Replies latest jw experiences

  • lostlantern
    lostlantern

    I will start by apologizing for the following rant and I hope I do not bore everyone but this is on my mind.

    I had an epiphany. It may have been a segment on the Today show, a short piece about Catholics and celibacy that started the thought process. My instant thought about priests not marrying was how ridiculous, why allow the church to control your ability to have a family. Why must you give up a wife and children just because you decided to be a minister for God? Then it hit me, as Jehovah’s Witnesses we were raised to do the same. We may not have to sacrifice having a “family” (or a marriage mate, that is) for the lord’s sake but we are raised to sacrifice other things for the sake of the ministry. My husband and I have had lengthy discussions about how our futures were shaped in the “truth,” and how they could have been different if we would have approached things from another vantage point. My real point being, education. I was driving to work and all of a sudden, I wondered what I could have been. Instead of being the office “gopher,” doing what no one else wants to do, where else could I be? As a teenager, I was talented, smart, and artistic. I had counselors who begged me to go to college but I resisted and stuck to my goal of regular pioneering. I am not saying that I did not enjoy the time I spent in my “ministry” nor can I say that I fully regret it. I just wish that we could have made the choice about college 13 years ago without it being served up with a huge spoon of guilt. I guess in my ‘rather about way’ of telling my story what I am saying is that it finally hit me about our lack of freedom of choice. As Jehovah’s Witnesses, we are raised to be lifetime ministers for Jehovah, putting the organization first and ourselves last. We make sacrifices from a very young age, the current example being that we don’t take advantage of education as young people. I wish now that I had pursued some sort of extra education. It is hard now to look back on a decision that was so easy for me make at the time and reconcile it with where I am now.

    I am proud of my husband though, he has gone back to school, and he is doing great. I am considering doing the same thing. However, to be honest after 10 years of marriage I am looking forward to having children and not feeling guilty about that decision either.

    Our new motto is, it is never too late.

  • Rooster
    Rooster
    As Jehovah’s Witnesses, we are raised to be lifetime ministers for Jehovah, putting the organization first and ourselves last. We make sacrifices from a very young age, the current example being that we don’t take advantage of education as young people.

    Don't feel bad I was raised a dub also with all the same restrictions. No sports in school, no after school friends they are worldly! Just lots of discipline in the name of religion.

  • AlmostAtheist
    AlmostAtheist
    Our new motto is, it is never too late.

    No, it never is. Congrats for coming to that conclusion and accept my well wishes for your family!

    Welcome to the forum,

    Dave

  • Nina
    Nina
    I am proud of my husband though, he has gone back to school, and he is doing great. I am considering doing the same thing. However, to be honest after 10 years of marriage I am looking forward to having children and not feeling guilty about that decision either.



    My suggestion is to get the education, then have the children. It's a whole lot harder the other way around.

    Nina

  • lostlantern
    lostlantern

    I should clarify about the children. I am not pregnant yet but we hope to be soon. If it does happen it will be nice letting all know that we actually planned it. You know what I mean, that is the first question brothers and sisters from the hall ask you. "was it planned?", like oh my gosh are you crazy, Armageddon is coming.

  • bebu
    bebu

    It's never too late, and guess what? You're only 31!!! You're going to be more focused and deliberate about your choices from now on. Go for it!

    bebu

  • yaddayadda
    yaddayadda

    Good on you. I am in the same boat and have just enrolled to go to Varsity, at the ripe age of 38. I've given the big finger to the arbitrary rules whims of a control-freak religious organisation.

    When you're old and nearing death, there are only 3 things you will ultimately measure the worth of your life by: The richness of your experiences, how much you loved others and how much they loved you.

    GO FOR IT!

  • dinah
    dinah

    We have alot in common. It's great to see your hubby is going to college. You guys could cut back and both go. Get an education. You didn't lose your brains just because a little light came on inside your head. Even if your husband gets into a field where he can make ridiculous money--you get an education anyway. It's a great way to learn about yourself. I can only speak from my best friend's perspective--I never went.

    Its hard growing up with all those rules. Just trying to be a decent person is hard enough. The thing is they equate Jehovah not loving you anymore with all those rules. It's enough to break a person's spirit. Welcome, and keep us posted. It was so great to meet you.

  • Carmel
    Carmel

    There's nothing wrong with sacrafice if it is for a good reason. I don't mind giving up my time and resources for the benefit of others less fortunate, but to sacrafice time and $$ to a publising company masquarading as a religion is casting pearls before the swine!

    carmel

  • TallTexan
    TallTexan

    Yes, it's true. We all sacrificed something to be raised JW. Many JW kids are very smart, read well, speak well (for obvious reasons). I received encouragement all the time from teachers to go to college, but I never planned on that. I have since then, and it was the best thing I ever did. Do it now - it's SO hard when you have kids. You become somewhat socially retarded, because you are only around people who are like you, who believe what you do, who are not taught to critically think and problem solve. Many who were raised JW suffer from self-esteem issues because you grow up being ridiculed and being different. I had a good childhood because I had great parents. I can only imagine what it would have been like if we had been 'normal'.

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